Ladies First

[Beranda]

It is my hope that this thread topic will receive a great deal of attention and support.

I invite and encourage EVERYONE reading this, to participate, share and help in any way, so as to shine a bright light on a matter that is not only close to my heart as a woman, but one that is extremely important for everyone who is participating in online communities and communication.

This world is full of greatness, amazing people and invaluable communities to be affiliated with.  Not so many years ago, if one wanted to meet new people, there was only one way to do it…leave the confines of your own home and start introducing yourself to perfect strangers.  Of course it wasn’t quite that simple, but in contrast to today’s online, web-based world, in the past, who you met was generally in direct correlation to the distance you traveled from your home.

Today we can ‘meet’ anyone online and in many cases, we never even see the faces of our new “friendsâ€, let alone confirm who they are and verify that what they have told us is the truth.  For those of us who give trust freely, we run the greatest risk of being duped.  Goodness IS rewarded in life, but it can also be an open and friendly invitation to dangerous people who can sense an opportunity and can quickly manipulate their way into your life with the very intention of doing you harm.

Every one of us has a story (likely chapters of them).  We have all faced challenges, emerged wiser, maybe a bit worn and weathered, but these experiences define us. In sharing these stories, we are sharing ourselves.  Finding others with similar stories can be comforting and we tend to draw strength from the confirmation that we are not alone, others have struggled as we have.  Unfortunately, predators ALSO like to tell stories, especially to those of us who are the greatest listeners.

I want to caution everyone that this thread is not intended to be a place where anyone be made to feel foolish or regret.  I feel certain that each of us has at one time or another fallen victim to a scam, a liar or worse.  We all stand to gain a great deal of wisdom not only from one another, but more importantly from reflecting on our experiences.

I mention these reminders, not to shame anyone, rather to empower each of us in  protecting ourselves, thereby avoiding, or at the very least, minimizing uncomfortable or dangerous predicaments.

I am addressing the ladies, but in all honesty, EVEYONE can and should take measures to keep themselves safe at all times!

These are not always as obvious or as easy to keep in the forefront of our minds, but whenever possible, airing on the side of extreme caution is best.  Sharing personal emails, phone numbers, physical addresses, full names, specific personal/physical data and  ‘selfies’ or self portraits, should all be handled with extreme caution IF AT ALL.

It is not rude to withhold these from anyone, in fact if someone implies as such…RUN, don’t walk away immediately in the opposite direction and don’t look back!

Stay safe everyone.  I look forward to your input.

Respectfully,

Beranda

 

[DGSB0708]

It is my hope that this thread topic will receive a great deal of attention and support.

I invite and encourage EVERYONE reading this, to participate, share and help in any way, so as to shine a bright light on a matter that is not only close to my heart as a woman, but one that is extremely important for everyone who is participating in online communities and communication.

This world is full of greatness, amazing people and invaluable communities to be affiliated with.  Not so many years ago, if one wanted to meet new people, there was only one way to do it…leave the confines of your own home and start introducing yourself to perfect strangers.  Of course it wasn’t quite that simple, but in contrast to today’s online, web-based world, in the past, who you met was generally in direct correlation to the distance you traveled from your home.

Today we can ‘meet’ anyone online and in many cases, we never even see the faces of our new “friendsâ€, let alone confirm who they are and verify that what they have told us is the truth.  For those of us who give trust freely, we run the greatest risk of being duped.  Goodness IS rewarded in life, but it can also be an open and friendly invitation to dangerous people who can sense an opportunity and can quickly manipulate their way into your life with the very intention of doing you harm.

Every one of us has a story (likely chapters of them).  We have all faced challenges, emerged wiser, maybe a bit worn and weathered, but these experiences define us. In sharing these stories, we are sharing ourselves.  Finding others with similar stories can be comforting and we tend to draw strength from the confirmation that we are not alone, others have struggled as we have.  Unfortunately, predators ALSO like to tell stories, especially to those of us who are the greatest listeners.

I want to caution everyone that this thread is not intended to be a place where anyone be made to feel foolish or regret.  I feel certain that each of us has at one time or another fallen victim to a scam, a liar or worse.  We all stand to gain a great deal of wisdom not only from one another, but more importantly from reflecting on our experiences.

I mention these reminders, not to shame anyone, rather to empower each of us in  protecting ourselves, thereby avoiding, or at the very least, minimizing uncomfortable or dangerous predicaments.

I am addressing the ladies, but in all honesty, EVEYONE can and should take measures to keep themselves safe at all times!

These are not always as obvious or as easy to keep in the forefront of our minds, but whenever possible, airing on the side of extreme caution is best.  Sharing personal emails, phone numbers, physical addresses, full names, specific personal/physical data and  ‘selfies’ or self portraits, should all be handled with extreme caution IF AT ALL.

It is not rude to withhold these from anyone, in fact if someone implies as such…RUN, don’t walk away immediately in the opposite direction and don’t look back!

Stay safe everyone.  I look forward to your input.

Respectfully,

Beranda

Hi, Beranda.  That is an important and excellent post.  If I may, I would just like to add one thing.  No one should EVER have to take abuse from anyone.  I'm staying specific to this forum, but it applies to every aspect of one's life.  Should anyone EVER feel oppressed, harassed, threatened, afraid or even worried about the nature of a post or especially a PM, use your report button on posts and if PM, invite one of our amazing moderators into the PM.  As they say, you don't have to take shit from anyone.  The one other part here though is, people tend to joke a bit around here, which is one of the things I enjoy a lot about this forum.  A joke is a joke, but when they cross the line, they are no longer a joke.  Sometimes it's hard, and also based on the individual person's persona, to ascertain "was that a joke or should I find that offensive?".  If in doubt, I would recommend ask a moderator. 

This last part is for the ladies here.  Personal safety is more important than ever today.  The easiest, most user friendly self-defense device for a woman (save a firearm, which may be unattainable legally for concealed carry and doing so may carry serious consequences in your state) is pepper spray / mace.  This too is illegal in some states, but the penalties are far less severe and the protection it affords one to escape a would be attacker, IMHO, far outweighs the penalty... if it is even enforced in a state where such devices are deemed illegal.  Should any of our female members wish to purchase this type of device (they come pen stye, key ring style, actually a lot of different styles) feel free to respond to this thread about it.  I'll double check with the moderators, but there are plenty of places online where you may procure this type of device to enhance your personal safety.  I would be happy to share places that will ship to your state, regardless of the legalities of this type of device in your state, provided the moderators are ok with the posting of said sites.  S-

 

[Beranda]

S, please continue to do as you have here, it is exactly what I had hoped would follow my OP.

Always look out for #1!

B

 

[DorothyZbornak]

I urge each and every lady on this forum to take the words that Beranda has said very seriously.  There are people out there that are masters at what they do, manipulation of us ladies with pretty words, funny remarks, sensitive gestures, the appealing understanding of the way that the female mind works, etc.  They have it down to an art form.  It is so easy for any of us to fall prey to it - which is why it happens everyday. 

DGSB has hit upon so many other great points as well - and I hope that we can all draw something from these posts.  Especially, that no one should EVER have to take abuse from anyone.  Ever. 

If you are ever in an online situation where you feel uncomfortable and would like a female to talk to, please do not hesitate to send me a PM...I hope that she doesn't mind, but I am sure that Beranda wouldn't mind if you sent her one either.  We are all here for one another.  

 

[FrankieGirl]

GREAT post, Beranda!

I think you hit the nail so to speak, that we have ALL, at one time or another been duped, lied to, or scammed. Especially on this forum: given what we seek if one has NOT been scammed, said one in definitely in the minority!

I've said before how lucky I feel that the foolishness and exploits of my younger years didn't end up on the internet, preserved for all eternity.

The world wide webbies gives us answers in minutes to what used to be days of research, research often face to face with those who held answers. The downside to the webbies is the feeling of anonymity and the ability to be who/what we want to be...and when someone wants to be something they're not, it's VERY simple.

I grew up with many big brothers...had I wanted to be Frankie Boy on this community - believe me, I could have pulled it off and NO One would have been the wiser! Yes, they also made me arrogant!! HA!!

The key is, as Beranda states, to be safe and to not be lulled by that false security and feeling of anonymity and therefore safety. Anonymity is best preserved on any online community by not sharing REAL info - with anyone!! Would you give personal info to someone you met for 5 minutes in person? If you wouldn't do something in person, don't feel safe doing it online!!

I don't mean this as a lecture, just a friendly reminder from an old woman who has seen some real shiz in her days.

Have a great weekend all.

FG

 

[DGSB0708]

S, please continue to do as you have here, it is exactly what I had hoped would follow my OP.

Always look out for #1!

B

Out of greens... owe you one.  Will catch it up when I get replenished.  S-

 

[Heisenberg / HNB]

Great posts in here. There are some sick, sick people out there. And they will do whatever they can to not appear sick, in an effort to fool people and gain trust. The anonymity of forums or emails makes this all too easy. Ever seen the show "to catch a predator"? Or the documentary "Craiglist Killer"?

And sure DGSB, feel free to post your links to mace/pepper spray resources for the ladies. Can never be too safe, and its best to be as prepared as possible.

 

[longwaydown]

Hi, Beranda.  That is an important and excellent post.  If I may, I would just like to add one thing.  No one should EVER have to take abuse from anyone.  I'm staying specific to this forum, but it applies to every aspect of one's life.  Should anyone EVER feel oppressed, harassed, threatened, afraid or even worried about the nature of a post or especially a PM, use your report button on posts and if PM, invite one of our amazing moderators into the PM.  As they say, you don't have to take shit from anyone.  The one other part here though is, people tend to joke a bit around here, which is one of the things I enjoy a lot about this forum.  A joke is a joke, but when they cross the line, they are no longer a joke.  Sometimes it's hard, and also based on the individual person's persona, to ascertain "was that a joke or should I find that offensive?".  If in doubt, I would recommend ask a moderator. 

This last part is for the ladies here.  Personal safety is more important than ever today.  The easiest, most user friendly self-defense device for a woman (save a firearm, which may be unattainable legally for concealed carry and doing so may carry serious consequences in your state) is pepper spray / mace.  This too is illegal in some states, but the penalties are far less severe and the protection it affords one to escape a would be attacker, IMHO, far outweighs the penalty... if it is even enforced in a state where such devices are deemed illegal.  Should any of our female members wish to purchase this type of device (they come pen stye, key ring style, actually a lot of different styles) feel free to respond to this thread about it.  I'll double check with the moderators, but there are plenty of places online where you may procure this type of device to enhance your personal safety.  I would be happy to share places that will ship to your state, regardless of the legalities of this type of device in your state, provided the moderators are ok with the posting of said sites.  S-

These are some great posts here today. On a personal note, I have a my own perspective on this. I have an ex that has been an abusive horror (physically, verbally, etc) for many years. Is it OK? Should I have to put up with it? Absolutely not. Have I taken steps to stop him? Yes- many in fact. But sometimes no matter how much one tries to stand tall, a determined person just finds ways to knock you down again. When you are on the other side of it, I cannot even begin to express what an isolating and difficult situation it is to be in. Of course nobody should have to put up with anything like this, but it still happens every day to somebody, somewhere.

 

[longwaydown]

It is my hope that this thread topic will receive a great deal of attention and support.

I invite and encourage EVERYONE reading this, to participate, share and help in any way, so as to shine a bright light on a matter that is not only close to my heart as a woman, but one that is extremely important for everyone who is participating in online communities and communication.

This world is full of greatness, amazing people and invaluable communities to be affiliated with.  Not so many years ago, if one wanted to meet new people, there was only one way to do it…leave the confines of your own home and start introducing yourself to perfect strangers.  Of course it wasn’t quite that simple, but in contrast to today’s online, web-based world, in the past, who you met was generally in direct correlation to the distance you traveled from your home.

Today we can ‘meet’ anyone online and in many cases, we never even see the faces of our new “friendsâ€, let alone confirm who they are and verify that what they have told us is the truth.  For those of us who give trust freely, we run the greatest risk of being duped.  Goodness IS rewarded in life, but it can also be an open and friendly invitation to dangerous people who can sense an opportunity and can quickly manipulate their way into your life with the very intention of doing you harm.

Every one of us has a story (likely chapters of them).  We have all faced challenges, emerged wiser, maybe a bit worn and weathered, but these experiences define us. In sharing these stories, we are sharing ourselves.  Finding others with similar stories can be comforting and we tend to draw strength from the confirmation that we are not alone, others have struggled as we have.  Unfortunately, predators ALSO like to tell stories, especially to those of us who are the greatest listeners.

I want to caution everyone that this thread is not intended to be a place where anyone be made to feel foolish or regret.  I feel certain that each of us has at one time or another fallen victim to a scam, a liar or worse.  We all stand to gain a great deal of wisdom not only from one another, but more importantly from reflecting on our experiences.

I mention these reminders, not to shame anyone, rather to empower each of us in  protecting ourselves, thereby avoiding, or at the very least, minimizing uncomfortable or dangerous predicaments.

I am addressing the ladies, but in all honesty, EVEYONE can and should take measures to keep themselves safe at all times!

These are not always as obvious or as easy to keep in the forefront of our minds, but whenever possible, airing on the side of extreme caution is best.  Sharing personal emails, phone numbers, physical addresses, full names, specific personal/physical data and  ‘selfies’ or self portraits, should all be handled with extreme caution IF AT ALL.

It is not rude to withhold these from anyone, in fact if someone implies as such…RUN, don’t walk away immediately in the opposite direction and don’t look back!

Stay safe everyone.  I look forward to your input.

Respectfully,

Beranda

Great post Beranda. Even sharing a simple email address with someone can lead to so much more.

 

[longwaydown]

Hi, Beranda.  That is an important and excellent post.  If I may, I would just like to add one thing.  No one should EVER have to take abuse from anyone.  I'm staying specific to this forum, but it applies to every aspect of one's life.  Should anyone EVER feel oppressed, harassed, threatened, afraid or even worried about the nature of a post or especially a PM, use your report button on posts and if PM, invite one of our amazing moderators into the PM.  As they say, you don't have to take shit from anyone.  The one other part here though is, people tend to joke a bit around here, which is one of the things I enjoy a lot about this forum.  A joke is a joke, but when they cross the line, they are no longer a joke.  Sometimes it's hard, and also based on the individual person's persona, to ascertain "was that a joke or should I find that offensive?".  If in doubt, I would recommend ask a moderator. 

This last part is for the ladies here.  Personal safety is more important than ever today.  The easiest, most user friendly self-defense device for a woman (save a firearm, which may be unattainable legally for concealed carry and doing so may carry serious consequences in your state) is pepper spray / mace.  This too is illegal in some states, but the penalties are far less severe and the protection it affords one to escape a would be attacker, IMHO, far outweighs the penalty... if it is even enforced in a state where such devices are deemed illegal.  Should any of our female members wish to purchase this type of device (they come pen stye, key ring style, actually a lot of different styles) feel free to respond to this thread about it.  I'll double check with the moderators, but there are plenty of places online where you may procure this type of device to enhance your personal safety.  I would be happy to share places that will ship to your state, regardless of the legalities of this type of device in your state, provided the moderators are ok with the posting of said sites.  S-

Meant to say- I really like your pepper spray advice- some people just need to get the shit sprayed out of them!

 

[kittykat]

That is why I ALREADY have my CCW.....Just for that reason.....Make no mistakes I am a straight shooter /default_wink.png

KK

 

[Maybesomeday]

These are some great posts here today. On a personal note, I have a my own perspective on this. I have an ex that has been an abusive horror (physically, verbally, etc) for many years. Is it OK? Should I have to put up with it? Absolutely not. Have I taken steps to stop him? Yes- many in fact. But sometimes no matter how much one tries to stand tall, a determined person just finds ways to knock you down again. When you are on the other side of it, I cannot even begin to express what an isolating and difficult situation it is to be in. Of course nobody should have to put up with anything like this, but it still happens every day to somebody, somewhere.

I understand what a difficult situation you're in. People like that font respect the rules. Unfortunately, as women, we learn how these men are too late in the game. I'm sure your spidey sense is much more fine tuned now, and you can spot a red flag from a mile away. But that doesn't help with the ex, does it? Just document everything. Report anything that crosses the line. If you don't have kids together consider moving. Change phone numbers, email addresses. Protect yourself the best way you know how. Seriously.

 

[Heisenberg / HNB]

That is why I ALREADY have my CCW.....Just for that reason.....Make no mistakes I am a straight shooter /default_wink.png

KK

I don't carry, but I do pity the fool who tries to break into my apartment.  /default_wink.png

 

[longwaydown]

I don't carry, but I do pity the fool who tries to break into my apartment.  /default_wink.png

/default_smile.png awesome

 

[longwaydown]

I understand what a difficult situation you're in. People like that font respect the rules. Unfortunately, as women, we learn how these men are too late in the game. I'm sure your spidey sense is much more fine tuned now, and you can spot a red flag from a mile away. But that doesn't help with the ex, does it? Just document everything. Report anything that crosses the line. If you don't have kids together consider moving. Change phone numbers, email addresses. Protect yourself the best way you know how. Seriously.

There are kids involved. I do report, in fact I did this week. The state I live in does not have the best domestic violence laws. You can have a criminal domestic violence charge and be allowed to "plea down" and it not even be a felony. The bond is low, it's easy to get right out of jail. Punishment does not fit the crime..

 

[Maybesomeday]

There are kids involved. I do report, in fact I did this week. The state I live in does not have the best domestic violence laws. You can have a criminal domestic violence charge and be allowed to "plea down" and it not even be a felony. The bond is low, it's easy to get right out of jail. Punishment does not fit the crime..

I know how frustrating that can be. Arm yourself. Literally and with knowledge to the best of your ability. He may never escalate past what he's doing now. But it's possible. It's exhausting being on guard all the time, but don't let your guard down. That never turns out well.

 

[Smokeyjoe]

Nothing funny about this stuff so I'm staying in my quiet corner.

However, I just don't understand how a male would ever get to the point that they would want to hit a woman and be physically abusive to someone weaker then them.

In HS I watched as a star BB player did just that to a friends older sister and she would not stop going back to him, and though my friends and I were younger we made it stop so he didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore.

The dude was messed up mentally and I assume others that abuse women are too.

That they are mentally deficient in some way and they never learned to cope with life, and controlling a smaller/weaker person through force is all they know to vent their overall frustrations.

Ladies, you should never put up with any abuse verbal or physical from another person male or female.

 

[kittykat]

Nothing funny about this stuff so I'm staying in my quiet corner.

However, I just don't understand how a male would ever get to the point that they would want to hit a woman and be physically abusive to someone weaker then them.

In HS I watched as a star BB player did just that to a friends older sister and she would not stop going back to him, and though my friends and I were younger we made it stop so he didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore.

The dude was messed up mentally and I assume others that abuse women are too.

That they are mentally deficient in some way and they never learned to cope with life, and controlling a smaller/weaker person through force is all they know to vent their overall frustrations.

Ladies, you should never put up with any abuse verbal or physical from another person male or female.

Nicely said SJ

 

[DGSB0708]

That is why I ALREADY have my CCW.....Just for that reason.....Make no mistakes I am a straight shooter /default_wink.pngKK[/quote

God bless "stand your ground"

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