Quitting Stims And Benzos. Where To Get That Motivation Thing?

Bloom said:
Kidding!!!! He's sitting beside me doing better than life itself! He had one temptation a few weeks ago to stim, and has felt badly for it during, after and since. deperson wanted his thread removed so he wouldn't be reminded about the demons he fought - but his account was closed instead. We are sitting on my back porch listening to a gentle, peaceful rainfall -- and dep wanted me to post "He's dead." So...not my idea!! But I assure you, his big German heart and mind are thriving. dep is down to one benzo per day...and stimulants are an almost forgotten vice.

Viva La dep!!!

Bloom
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Maybe Deperson doesn't remember, but he asked to have his account closed. I even asked him to reconsider. I'm glad you are both going strong and I envy your peaceful rainfall moment. Out here in the drought ridden west, we have missed that sound.

 
Cops, ER & forced psych ward helped me ween off personally... Sigh - those were dark days. 

What's sad is I dated a cop for years from the same dept that threw me in there but that did not seem to matter since he only claims me when he wants to. 

 
What an ass.  Can I come over and kick him in the nutsack?  Cuz apparently I can do that and get off Scot free.

 
Lol! I love all of your comments about my cop "friend". I've been with him for years on and off but we both have our own commitments in life if you know what I mean so I try to keep him at arms length anyway for many reasons. He did get me out of a ticket, does that count?! Lol - I'm realistic about the realness of our relationship - if you could call it that. He's like a bad drug I cannot completely kick and vice versa. Life is complicated so I just roll with whatever I feel like in the moment. I'm not worried about him though, if I wanted to I could ruin his career and home life in one click of a photo. I'm not that cold hearted though and he trusts me after all these years. Our connection is fucked up and unique all in one but I've never been one of those stupid idealistic girls about it. It is what it is. Grandma always told me the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one. So, I'm selfish about it and I'll completely disconnect when it suites me best. Jaded? Yes, oh yes. But so is he - he parades me around to all his friends when he wants, then disappears when my cra cra self comes out. I'm just a young trophy to him. 

Cat-you're the second friend who has asked me specifically if they can kick him in the balls! Too funny! He's just a selfish prick is all, take the best and leave the rest I suppose. 

 
2earls said:
Hmm after reading your 2 posts P and R, it got me thinking.

I have to say, I love my opiates. Yes, I do have a legitimate condition that I need them for but let's admit, they make you feel damn good!

So why am I not on the street corner in my own excrement?

I believe that the pressure people put upon themselves about using can be very detrimental. I take them, I like them, and I'm OK with that. I do occasional tapers to reset my tolerance and then let it go up again. I'm OK with that too.

If I were wracked with self-loathing about it, I can see how I might want to just "give up" and take so much that I don't feel anything.

Dear Revenger, don't be your own worst enemy. Maybe you could just reset your goals for the time being. If you could make your precription last with maybe 1 monthly order for a safety net then you wouldn't have much to worry about.

I always think, celebrate any small victories. Don't dwell on the failures, that's over with.

You can gain control of the situation as long as you find something to be positive about. Taking a lot of pills doesn't make you a bad person, so please don't hate yourself for it.

You can have your cake and eat it too, all it takes is a little bit of discipline.

Best regards

2E
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Thank you for this post.. really resonated...self loathing, shame, embarrassment ,etc are felt way too much by addicts (I hope I'm not the only one out there lol) but I feel if I just owned it 'my desire to have coffee stronger than others' that in itself, for me personally would turn my mountain issue into a mole hill 🐀issue.. different strokes for different folks! And this folk likes her coffee extra extra Strong 🤸🤸🤸reading ur post made me feel like the little man cartwheeling.. such wize words and so simpo..anywhoots it made my day so thanks:)

 
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  10. Realbenzeyes @ Realbenzeyes: I always thought I should’ve been born in a much earlier time but I will say, i do enjoy my Xbox and occasional TV series tho 😂
  11. Realbenzeyes @ Realbenzeyes: I just wish the opioid epidemic never happened. Fk the turn of the century (which would be cool no doubt)! Many of my friends and family would’ve ended up in asylums like so many others. I just wish I could get back all those I’ve lost since the start
  12. L @ Layne_Cobain: 1914 I meant
  13. L @ Layne_Cobain: I often wish I lived during the turn of the century or at least before the Harrison narcotics act or whatever I think it was 1924 the fun ended but anyway yeh being able to get laudanum, ❄️ and amphetamine at the local friendly pharmacy
  14. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: Chew on the leaves with a bit of slaked lime and enjoy the mild boost you get from the raw base.
  15. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: I’m sure you know the folks in the mountainous regions along South Americas pacific side buy cócà leaves at the local farmers market just to help acclimate to the higher elevation when they have to head up into the hills.
  16. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: I would certainly have bought it, swilled it, enjoyed it…. Why not? A little boost in your juice isn’t going to hurt anyone.
  17. R @ Royboy99: Exports were reported to have around 7.2mg per FL OZ, it’s success is what actually led to Coca Cola
  18. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: Having cramps and husband thinks you’re acting hysterical (ie. PMS) the doc would either perform a certain massage to relieve the strains of motherhood and family life of that time or send you down to the local apothecary for a bottle of laudanum… A tincture of alcohol and 10% òpìųm. Fun days huh?
  19. R @ Royboy99: @malestrom: yeah thats it, my bad Mariani, yeah i considered that and also its ROA, which was oral so the bioavailability was lower than insufflation, higher degree of purity tho and longer duration … there was a significant marked increase of patents filed by Edison during the time it was released in the US. Presidents were known to use it as well, and the Queen. The pope awarded the wine the Vatican gold medal award
  20. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: I think it was called vin Mariani. But yeah, it was all the rave back in the turn to the 20th century. Original formula Coca Cola did it for a while too. I think it was pretty weak though. Something like 200 mg per liter of wine. Enough to maybe give you a little push but unless you could pound some serious alcohol, it’d be hard to really feel the effects before the ethyl knocked you down on the ground. It was an interesting time period. Laudanum was a “hysterical” woman’s best friend.
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