Bi polar

Well the relationship went south after around 8 months I had my bank card linked to an amazon account and YES she emptied my account and had the cheek to say it was an accident one or two transactions yes I could believe that.

But over 25 transactions adding to a fair amount of money I most certainly can't forgive.Sometimes you meet someone you think you know and truse but believe me some female's (not all) can take advantage of someone's caring nature.O don't even wanna talk about some of the other things she's done as it hurts me to think there's people capable of these things 

 
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2015. I didn’t tell my parents until 2019. Although I am on (variably) lamictal, gabapentin, depakote and latuda, the need to self medicate rears its ugly head here and there. The way everyone has described relationships is similar to what a relationship with me is like. There’s a honeymoon phase, then I get completely depress and withdrawn. Despite what I communicate to them in regards to what I need and what is wrong, they still don’t understand. I take my medication religiously because of what I become without them. I think about suicide on a daily basis, even during the days where everything seems great. I lost 18lb, challenged a customer at work to a fight, gave no shits about my job and came the closest to killing myself than I ever have. It was so real I could touch it. This was all within less than a month. The depression has subsided and now the weight is being packed back on and I can’t seem to stop eating. It’s mindless eating. I hate this life. People say it’s selfish for others to commit suicide. I say it’s selfish for people to want others to live just for them. My father told me it would kill him if I ever took my life and that I need to keep going for him. I had to move back in with my parents due to acquiring $22,000 in debt within the span of 1.8 years.  I don’t even know wtf I bought. I am misderable. 

 
When I was 19 I had just moved out of my moms house I had a very large inheritance and immediately bought a nice car and house. I was heavily into drugs and alcohol but was not able to buy it myself because I was underage. I made it very obvious that I had money so needless to say I received a lot of female attention. No offense ladies, just keeping it real :) anyanyway eventually I got tired of sleeping around and decided to settle down and lucky for me it was with a crazy chick, well crazier than normal I mean cuz let's face it their all fuckin nuts hehe. She was smokin hot and informed me she had severe bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I was instantly intrigued! She was a total FREAK in bed and very expiremental she had me try things I never thought I'd try and some of the things I'm embarrassed about quite frankly. Eventually though her little bad moods began getting on my nerves. Usually I would just leave on "business " but eventually she started having more bad days than good and I promptly dumped her. I'm 35 now and feel incredibly guilty about it. Awhile back I tried to look her up and found out she committed suicide. Also she had a daughter. I felt bad and sent her some money. Recently she came in contact with me and wants to meet up. She's 18, I just never knew about her. She's STUNNING. Like her mother only better. I'm becoming an old man and would like to have a little fun in my golden years. Is it wrong that I'm considering going through with it? I really would value your opinion. Thanks guys. I'll see you all in the still darkness of nothingness. I love you guys 

 
I know this is an old topic, but just wanted to throw in the mix a really incredible book called 'Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder' by Julie Fast.  It's been an excellent resource for both me as someone bipolar, and especially to partners i've had over the years.  Stay strong.....

 
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  1. Strawhat7 @ Strawhat7: @xenxra got it! I figured as much but was strange that I could literally find no evidence that he was ever on here lol thought I was going nuts!
  2. xenxra @ xenxra: @Strawhat7 yeah he stopped sending out mags like last november or something iirc
  3. Strawhat7 @ Strawhat7: Anyone know whatever happened to the vendor Mr. Black? Ghosted me a long while back, took a break from dbg, logged back on and I literally can find no trace of his thread on here? Probs blacklisted I’m guessing?
  4. MOD @ MOD: Hi All
  5. LW815 @ LW815: @Mycawesome gotta be proactive(aka fiscally irresponsible[borderline retarded]) and way overstock the library. While the preferred genre may not always be in stock always sure to have sub-genres or at the very least another genre to stay entertained while awaiting the next edition of the favorites.
  6. T @ timyboy: Happppy 4th!!
  7. T @ timyboy: Good day ya'll!!!
  8. Mycawesome @ Mycawesome: @tiquanunderwood yeah you're right. Also its my falut I should have seen this and made contacts sooner. I remembered at the last minute on sunday to put in with everyone. So i have only myself to blame... I was hoping for some Kelloggs to eat during the fireworks show. Oh well ill just take a rest day and watch some monty python from a deep hole ha im my bed
  9. Mycawesome @ Mycawesome: Edit error
  10. Mycawesome @ Mycawesome: Government holidays are such a pain my ass. Everything takes twice as long...
  11. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: Yessir. It's a bummer.
  12. Mycawesome @ Mycawesome: Government holidays are such a pain my ass. Everything takes twice as long...
  13. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: sry i know we all go through this to varying degrees, but we all need some llove! <3
  14. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: Hoping the 5th s a magical day
  15. B @ bigblueallda: I missed out on that $10 I meant to get a $1 of btc last week. They sent the email like 15 times lol
  16. L @ Layne_Cobain: @xenxra thanks for confirming bud I did see that when googled but never received the promo offer like others did thru email or notification so was just being 💯 percent…thanks again
  17. xenxra @ xenxra: i don't think you need to censor the terms cashapp and bitcoin....
  18. xenxra @ xenxra: @Layne_Cobain from cashapp: "buy any amount of bitcoin by June 30, and we’ll add a $10 bonus in bitcoin to your account by July 7"
  19. L @ Layne_Cobain: Random $10 c@$$@pp bitc0iin bonus dropped in my acct didn’t refer anyone didn’t just sign up all I’ve done is buy coin recently…it shows it’s from the source I said looks legit not asking for anything from me…legit? Just strange
  20. Tucker @ Tucker: @Layne_Cobain , web
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