Bi polar

Well the relationship went south after around 8 months I had my bank card linked to an amazon account and YES she emptied my account and had the cheek to say it was an accident one or two transactions yes I could believe that.

But over 25 transactions adding to a fair amount of money I most certainly can't forgive.Sometimes you meet someone you think you know and truse but believe me some female's (not all) can take advantage of someone's caring nature.O don't even wanna talk about some of the other things she's done as it hurts me to think there's people capable of these things 

 
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2015. I didn’t tell my parents until 2019. Although I am on (variably) lamictal, gabapentin, depakote and latuda, the need to self medicate rears its ugly head here and there. The way everyone has described relationships is similar to what a relationship with me is like. There’s a honeymoon phase, then I get completely depress and withdrawn. Despite what I communicate to them in regards to what I need and what is wrong, they still don’t understand. I take my medication religiously because of what I become without them. I think about suicide on a daily basis, even during the days where everything seems great. I lost 18lb, challenged a customer at work to a fight, gave no shits about my job and came the closest to killing myself than I ever have. It was so real I could touch it. This was all within less than a month. The depression has subsided and now the weight is being packed back on and I can’t seem to stop eating. It’s mindless eating. I hate this life. People say it’s selfish for others to commit suicide. I say it’s selfish for people to want others to live just for them. My father told me it would kill him if I ever took my life and that I need to keep going for him. I had to move back in with my parents due to acquiring $22,000 in debt within the span of 1.8 years.  I don’t even know wtf I bought. I am misderable. 

 
When I was 19 I had just moved out of my moms house I had a very large inheritance and immediately bought a nice car and house. I was heavily into drugs and alcohol but was not able to buy it myself because I was underage. I made it very obvious that I had money so needless to say I received a lot of female attention. No offense ladies, just keeping it real :) anyanyway eventually I got tired of sleeping around and decided to settle down and lucky for me it was with a crazy chick, well crazier than normal I mean cuz let's face it their all fuckin nuts hehe. She was smokin hot and informed me she had severe bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I was instantly intrigued! She was a total FREAK in bed and very expiremental she had me try things I never thought I'd try and some of the things I'm embarrassed about quite frankly. Eventually though her little bad moods began getting on my nerves. Usually I would just leave on "business " but eventually she started having more bad days than good and I promptly dumped her. I'm 35 now and feel incredibly guilty about it. Awhile back I tried to look her up and found out she committed suicide. Also she had a daughter. I felt bad and sent her some money. Recently she came in contact with me and wants to meet up. She's 18, I just never knew about her. She's STUNNING. Like her mother only better. I'm becoming an old man and would like to have a little fun in my golden years. Is it wrong that I'm considering going through with it? I really would value your opinion. Thanks guys. I'll see you all in the still darkness of nothingness. I love you guys 

 
I know this is an old topic, but just wanted to throw in the mix a really incredible book called 'Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder' by Julie Fast.  It's been an excellent resource for both me as someone bipolar, and especially to partners i've had over the years.  Stay strong.....

 
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  1. M @ meepmoopmeep: watched it live and the french pair made obvious mistakes that the judges chose to ignore
  2. M @ meepmoopmeep: Madison Chock and Evan Bates got cheated out of the pair figure skating dance gold medal
  3. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: US hockey baby!!!!
  4. S @ sawganaut: Yo eileen gu is a foxxx
  5. L @ Layne_Cobain: Let’s go US men’s hockey team first game today at 3 for any hockey fans lol
  6. L @ Layne_Cobain: @Thoth if you a down mothafuckah put in work hehe
  7. D @ drdrizzy13: It's stiill "around" but it's pretty hard to find.
  8. A @ army13$: Is it possible to get clam at all these days? Haven’t had it in 5 years
  9. E @ everythgburns: whoops. i didn't realize i clicked off to the other open window lol
  10. E @ everythgburns: effexor
  11. Thoth @ Thoth: If you scared go to church!
  12. Thoth @ Thoth: Put in work!
  13. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: Happy start of the work week!
  14. D @ drdrizzy13: Yeah it was definitely a hold. Can't blame the refs for calling it. But I've seen many sketchy calls in the past to help the spread or over/under lol.
  15. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: Wonder how much money was impacted by that last touchdown and holding call back. The refs were flirting with the over/under payoffs… that flag either cost a lot people some money or won them a bunch. But I guess you can’t say it was a bad call, just a very impactful one.
  16. shoutback @ shoutback: Fucking A nfl season is over :( Those were by and far the best teams this season. That Elite D will just stifle mofos. And ya gotta give Darnold his flowers for taking care of the football. That was professional.
  17. M @ meepmoopmeep: Too bad that football season is over now
  18. M @ meepmoopmeep: Seahawks offense left more to be desired (esp during first half) but patriots offense was just abysmal. A win is a win though. Squawk squawk!
  19. shoutback @ shoutback: Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I seem to have left a little squawk here and little squawk there
  20. L @ Layne_Cobain: Hey now @tiquanunderwood split the uprights my boy 😂 😂 jp homie
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