Bi polar

Well the relationship went south after around 8 months I had my bank card linked to an amazon account and YES she emptied my account and had the cheek to say it was an accident one or two transactions yes I could believe that.

But over 25 transactions adding to a fair amount of money I most certainly can't forgive.Sometimes you meet someone you think you know and truse but believe me some female's (not all) can take advantage of someone's caring nature.O don't even wanna talk about some of the other things she's done as it hurts me to think there's people capable of these things 

 
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2015. I didn’t tell my parents until 2019. Although I am on (variably) lamictal, gabapentin, depakote and latuda, the need to self medicate rears its ugly head here and there. The way everyone has described relationships is similar to what a relationship with me is like. There’s a honeymoon phase, then I get completely depress and withdrawn. Despite what I communicate to them in regards to what I need and what is wrong, they still don’t understand. I take my medication religiously because of what I become without them. I think about suicide on a daily basis, even during the days where everything seems great. I lost 18lb, challenged a customer at work to a fight, gave no shits about my job and came the closest to killing myself than I ever have. It was so real I could touch it. This was all within less than a month. The depression has subsided and now the weight is being packed back on and I can’t seem to stop eating. It’s mindless eating. I hate this life. People say it’s selfish for others to commit suicide. I say it’s selfish for people to want others to live just for them. My father told me it would kill him if I ever took my life and that I need to keep going for him. I had to move back in with my parents due to acquiring $22,000 in debt within the span of 1.8 years.  I don’t even know wtf I bought. I am misderable. 

 
When I was 19 I had just moved out of my moms house I had a very large inheritance and immediately bought a nice car and house. I was heavily into drugs and alcohol but was not able to buy it myself because I was underage. I made it very obvious that I had money so needless to say I received a lot of female attention. No offense ladies, just keeping it real :) anyanyway eventually I got tired of sleeping around and decided to settle down and lucky for me it was with a crazy chick, well crazier than normal I mean cuz let's face it their all fuckin nuts hehe. She was smokin hot and informed me she had severe bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I was instantly intrigued! She was a total FREAK in bed and very expiremental she had me try things I never thought I'd try and some of the things I'm embarrassed about quite frankly. Eventually though her little bad moods began getting on my nerves. Usually I would just leave on "business " but eventually she started having more bad days than good and I promptly dumped her. I'm 35 now and feel incredibly guilty about it. Awhile back I tried to look her up and found out she committed suicide. Also she had a daughter. I felt bad and sent her some money. Recently she came in contact with me and wants to meet up. She's 18, I just never knew about her. She's STUNNING. Like her mother only better. I'm becoming an old man and would like to have a little fun in my golden years. Is it wrong that I'm considering going through with it? I really would value your opinion. Thanks guys. I'll see you all in the still darkness of nothingness. I love you guys 

 
I know this is an old topic, but just wanted to throw in the mix a really incredible book called 'Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder' by Julie Fast.  It's been an excellent resource for both me as someone bipolar, and especially to partners i've had over the years.  Stay strong.....

 
Drugbuyersguide Shoutbox
  1. T @ Tucker: @dspring01 , I have no idea how messages work on here but dspring01 , turn your settings on so you can receive direct messages instead of on here or threads.
  2. T @ Tucker: @dspring01 , I found out why I coulda’t send you a instant message. I believe you have yours turned off so that’s why. 👍👍
  3. G @ GrapePiss: longflourish
  4. H @ hotdog45: @CalFresh happy you're back my friend. Sent you an email
  5. CalFresh @ CalFresh: Hey all, I'm back up and running in a limited capacity for now. Hopefully full speed by the end of the week. Thanks to all for the overwhelming support. it feels so great to be part of a supportive community. Love you guys!
  6. Dr-Octagon @ Dr-Octagon: Dammit man
  7. M @ Mammasboi123: @Stevienixonn shout box is for non-vendor related convos IIRC. There’s a section of the forum for suggesting kratom vendors specifically. Check it out! Some great options in there.
  8. L @ Layne_Cobain: @Stevienixon cnc I believe
  9. T @ Tucker: Sorry @ dspring01, I just read your message wrong. No worries. 👍. Tried sending you a direct message but wouldn’t allow me. Maybe im at my limit, not sure. Good luck bud.
  10. D @ dspring01: @Tucker - I am sorry. What was your question?
  11. Stevienixon @ Stevienixon: Trying to find 7oh
  12. T @ Tucker: Hey @dspring01 what’s up with the sad looking face when asked where shipped too? Just asking
  13. F @ fyjclol: Scroll back & read it. Or read what he said on his thread.
  14. Saturnmeds @ Saturnmeds: What happened to calfresh? Someone stole his crypto?
  15. B @ bigblueallda: That sucks @CalFresh do you think it was an inside job? Or someone that knew.
  16. crimp @ crimp: do you live in a dangerous area maybe try moving to the country when you get back on your feet you seem to understant crypto beter then me so youll be on your feet in no time
  17. crimp @ crimp: do you live in a dangerous area maybe try moving to the country when you get back on your feet you seem to understant crypto beter then me so youll be on your feet in no time
  18. crimp @ crimp: glad youre good buddy
  19. CalFresh @ CalFresh: Thanks everyone. My family and I are safe ATM. @mellowella thank you, but they cleaned me out. the shelves are empty but I'm hoping to call in some favors to restock ASAP. @xenxra I will reach out to set up a secure comms channel for us. Thanks again all. Yesterday was tough, but the support I've received from those I can share is with has been a Godsend.
  20. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: Mad love to you and your family @CalFresh
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