Bi polar

Well the relationship went south after around 8 months I had my bank card linked to an amazon account and YES she emptied my account and had the cheek to say it was an accident one or two transactions yes I could believe that.

But over 25 transactions adding to a fair amount of money I most certainly can't forgive.Sometimes you meet someone you think you know and truse but believe me some female's (not all) can take advantage of someone's caring nature.O don't even wanna talk about some of the other things she's done as it hurts me to think there's people capable of these things 

 
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2015. I didn’t tell my parents until 2019. Although I am on (variably) lamictal, gabapentin, depakote and latuda, the need to self medicate rears its ugly head here and there. The way everyone has described relationships is similar to what a relationship with me is like. There’s a honeymoon phase, then I get completely depress and withdrawn. Despite what I communicate to them in regards to what I need and what is wrong, they still don’t understand. I take my medication religiously because of what I become without them. I think about suicide on a daily basis, even during the days where everything seems great. I lost 18lb, challenged a customer at work to a fight, gave no shits about my job and came the closest to killing myself than I ever have. It was so real I could touch it. This was all within less than a month. The depression has subsided and now the weight is being packed back on and I can’t seem to stop eating. It’s mindless eating. I hate this life. People say it’s selfish for others to commit suicide. I say it’s selfish for people to want others to live just for them. My father told me it would kill him if I ever took my life and that I need to keep going for him. I had to move back in with my parents due to acquiring $22,000 in debt within the span of 1.8 years.  I don’t even know wtf I bought. I am misderable. 

 
When I was 19 I had just moved out of my moms house I had a very large inheritance and immediately bought a nice car and house. I was heavily into drugs and alcohol but was not able to buy it myself because I was underage. I made it very obvious that I had money so needless to say I received a lot of female attention. No offense ladies, just keeping it real :) anyanyway eventually I got tired of sleeping around and decided to settle down and lucky for me it was with a crazy chick, well crazier than normal I mean cuz let's face it their all fuckin nuts hehe. She was smokin hot and informed me she had severe bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I was instantly intrigued! She was a total FREAK in bed and very expiremental she had me try things I never thought I'd try and some of the things I'm embarrassed about quite frankly. Eventually though her little bad moods began getting on my nerves. Usually I would just leave on "business " but eventually she started having more bad days than good and I promptly dumped her. I'm 35 now and feel incredibly guilty about it. Awhile back I tried to look her up and found out she committed suicide. Also she had a daughter. I felt bad and sent her some money. Recently she came in contact with me and wants to meet up. She's 18, I just never knew about her. She's STUNNING. Like her mother only better. I'm becoming an old man and would like to have a little fun in my golden years. Is it wrong that I'm considering going through with it? I really would value your opinion. Thanks guys. I'll see you all in the still darkness of nothingness. I love you guys 

 
I know this is an old topic, but just wanted to throw in the mix a really incredible book called 'Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder' by Julie Fast.  It's been an excellent resource for both me as someone bipolar, and especially to partners i've had over the years.  Stay strong.....

 
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  1. WTF7218 @ WTF7218: @xenxra 😆😂. Yes, but only a few brave souls will ever find the number. You must first order a Dirty Shirley from the bartender. Then you must discreetly take the cocktail napkin from under your drink and unfold it. There you will find the map to the location of the phone number, and clues to decipher the code that it is written in.
  2. xenxra @ xenxra: he left his phone number scribbled in a stall at the pub three blocks down
  3. aBBazaBBa123 @ aBBazaBBa123: @rockychoc How do I contact you?
  4. N @ NYStateofMind: @Alkazar I would try one of those easy online ones .. reddit gives useful info about that
  5. Alkazar @ Alkazar: @NYStateofMind I dont really have a history of abusing things, my docotr is just really stingy. I am thinking of switching.
  6. C @ Cheesus: Thanks xenxra
  7. xenxra @ xenxra: @Cheesus yeah, use snote
  8. P @ psychedpsych: Trump is cracking down….
  9. P @ psychedpsych: Hackers are the scum of the earth
  10. N @ NYStateofMind: so it was easy bc of my history
  11. N @ NYStateofMind: I didnt really tell him but he knew I needed a new script since my dr went to jail
  12. N @ NYStateofMind: @xenxra I was on Adderall since 15 years ago so my dr prescribed that w no problems and then when I lost my best friend my doctor rxed the valiums but
  13. C @ Cheesus: Temp.pm down for anyone else?
  14. xenxra @ xenxra: @NYStateofMind my doctor's have always been pretty open minded if i can actually come in and explain the pharmacological action of the drugs im seeking instead of just telling them why i think i should be prescribed. the only time it didn't work out for me is when i was trying pharmaceuticals for depression ten years ago and suggested they let me try testosterone instead (turns out i was hypogonadal so they made a mistake denying my request at face value)
  15. T @ Testisthebest: Even down here in Florida when the pill mill docs all switched over to Suboxone and/or retired you can still find some pretty liberal docs but you gotta know what to look for. Mine does "pain management, detox, anxiety,etc. And no insurance. My doc writes me 60 5mg Valium, 14 2mg Xanax and asked if I had ever tried adderal to get more focus at work as I told him I run my own business.
  16. N @ NYStateofMind: @Alkazar do they know your history? Like I dont tell my doctor anything about myself except what they need to know,...I was able to get my dr to rx the highest dose of adderall along with valiums ..... if they dont know your history or there is no history I would just come out and ask what is the reason for their mistreatment.... they have no problem billing your insurance or taking a payment for the visit
  17. T @ Turbo259: @Layne_Cobain Thank you fam
  18. Alkazar @ Alkazar: It is INSANE how doctors treat tax paying hard working people like criminals when they ask for opioids. This world just keeps getting more and more backwards. But thanks to this site to be able to find people to help when no one in the medical world will.
  19. L @ Layne_Cobain: Hang in there @Turbo259 life can be such a Fkn sludge prayers and good vibes to you and your loved ones 🙏 ❤️
  20. xenxra @ xenxra: NO ADVERTISING IN THE SHOUTBOX!!!!!
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