Bi polar

Well the relationship went south after around 8 months I had my bank card linked to an amazon account and YES she emptied my account and had the cheek to say it was an accident one or two transactions yes I could believe that.

But over 25 transactions adding to a fair amount of money I most certainly can't forgive.Sometimes you meet someone you think you know and truse but believe me some female's (not all) can take advantage of someone's caring nature.O don't even wanna talk about some of the other things she's done as it hurts me to think there's people capable of these things 

 
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2015. I didn’t tell my parents until 2019. Although I am on (variably) lamictal, gabapentin, depakote and latuda, the need to self medicate rears its ugly head here and there. The way everyone has described relationships is similar to what a relationship with me is like. There’s a honeymoon phase, then I get completely depress and withdrawn. Despite what I communicate to them in regards to what I need and what is wrong, they still don’t understand. I take my medication religiously because of what I become without them. I think about suicide on a daily basis, even during the days where everything seems great. I lost 18lb, challenged a customer at work to a fight, gave no shits about my job and came the closest to killing myself than I ever have. It was so real I could touch it. This was all within less than a month. The depression has subsided and now the weight is being packed back on and I can’t seem to stop eating. It’s mindless eating. I hate this life. People say it’s selfish for others to commit suicide. I say it’s selfish for people to want others to live just for them. My father told me it would kill him if I ever took my life and that I need to keep going for him. I had to move back in with my parents due to acquiring $22,000 in debt within the span of 1.8 years.  I don’t even know wtf I bought. I am misderable. 

 
When I was 19 I had just moved out of my moms house I had a very large inheritance and immediately bought a nice car and house. I was heavily into drugs and alcohol but was not able to buy it myself because I was underage. I made it very obvious that I had money so needless to say I received a lot of female attention. No offense ladies, just keeping it real :) anyanyway eventually I got tired of sleeping around and decided to settle down and lucky for me it was with a crazy chick, well crazier than normal I mean cuz let's face it their all fuckin nuts hehe. She was smokin hot and informed me she had severe bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I was instantly intrigued! She was a total FREAK in bed and very expiremental she had me try things I never thought I'd try and some of the things I'm embarrassed about quite frankly. Eventually though her little bad moods began getting on my nerves. Usually I would just leave on "business " but eventually she started having more bad days than good and I promptly dumped her. I'm 35 now and feel incredibly guilty about it. Awhile back I tried to look her up and found out she committed suicide. Also she had a daughter. I felt bad and sent her some money. Recently she came in contact with me and wants to meet up. She's 18, I just never knew about her. She's STUNNING. Like her mother only better. I'm becoming an old man and would like to have a little fun in my golden years. Is it wrong that I'm considering going through with it? I really would value your opinion. Thanks guys. I'll see you all in the still darkness of nothingness. I love you guys 

 
I know this is an old topic, but just wanted to throw in the mix a really incredible book called 'Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder' by Julie Fast.  It's been an excellent resource for both me as someone bipolar, and especially to partners i've had over the years.  Stay strong.....

 
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  1. st1ckyf1ng4z @ st1ckyf1ng4z: @MrFuszy broo big dawg chill out on posting shit like that on here you’re gonna catch a ban or even worse. be mindful of mentioning others’ names as well. be smarter
  2. L @ Layne_Cobain: @maoi thanks for the input tho I think I’d def go the route of using hcg if I do go w TrT
  3. L @ Layne_Cobain: @maoi nah no fear of needles and if it made me feel a lot better no fear of being on it long term as who knows if my t will even rebound after 5 years on methadone not sure if that’s the norm I hope so…the more I research the more it seems like the best choice is to just go for it with TrT rather than trying to “middle” with Enclomiphene especially now that i know it probably won’t work being on methadone altho I am tapering off 5 mg biweekly so that’ll take a while I’m at 95 now from 120
  4. moai @ moai: @Layne_Cobain the longer you’re on it without using HCG sometimes, (meaning years) the harder it will be to rebound if you do come off. But I’m with you, at only 22, I’ve abused myself to the point I may NEED trt. Not to mention all of the benefits
  5. moai @ moai: @Layne_Cobain You don’t seem it, but if you are the type that’s afraid of needles for life, don’t sweat it. I’m natty atm, but from what I hear A) you won’t want to come off and B) if you implement HCG every once in a while to your protocol, you have a better chance of being able to come off T completely and restore all (or most) of your natty production. Of course, no guarantees and it is dependent on the individual, genetics, compounds and duration of exposure, etc.
  6. L @ Layne_Cobain: @tiquanunderwood when you began the Enclomiphene, were you already off opiates? Cause after further research I don’t think it’ll even work while still on methadone…I think trt with hcg to preserve fertility and ball size is the way to go for me. I just wanna feel better. Thanks for your input on the matter btw
  7. aarons @ aarons: buddy lay that cr@ck pipe down, the weekend barely started
  8. Gulp2788 @ Gulp2788: what an odyssey of shoutbox madness! I love it
  9. L @ luquitoad: Hahahahaj
  10. L @ Layne_Cobain: I’ll have whatever this crazy sonofabitch is having 🥂
  11. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: I was pissed off though! Someone pulled a pistol on me so i was gona show him how much of a hoe i was by getting him out that house
  12. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Oh i actually still have the Police report on file somewherez you can see the tractor marks wjhere I just took out the fence and whatnot
  13. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: And the cops or the judge were halpy sbout that.
  14. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: I texted her and was ummm so i might have had a ooopsie but ij RL and like i know its been like ocer a year but it wasn't cuz i hated you or anything it was because i stole a skytrack forklift and demolished a house and hig 14 cars and knocked down a churches fence
  15. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Oh in mote news no one cares about, I finally talked to m6 chick who I said nothing too im 14months when i got locked up
  16. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Roughly 300, maybe more like 260 now
  17. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Lighters, 300 bars a melted snicks and hugging a bong
  18. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: You know you got fucked up wnen you wake up check your pockets and have 7li
  19. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Bro make it a triple ahot
  20. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Taqilla never silvers!
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