Finally admitted I have a problem

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Solid Snoop

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Well the time has come where I have came to terms I have a major issue.

On a daily basis I take 800mg+ trams, 12 mg xannies, 8mg clonaz, 8mg Loraz and if I'm in a bad mood about 100mg of Diaz. 

I came clean to both my partner and doctor about the issues thinking I would get a taper plan but I have been sent to an outpatient  addiction "hub" where I'll soon be seeing the doctor for the best way forward.

You may ask why I take so much or how I'm even alive. The answer is I don't know hence why I'm seeking help.

I don't get any medicinal help from benzos or a high, I use them to try and block out the emotional pain I have been going through for about a year. It works to a degree but its also ruining my life.

After seeing the doc on Monday I've managed to drop the loraz completely, drop the clonaz to 4mg, tramadol I'm trying to CT, Diaz to 50mg and xannies where needed (about 4mg a day).

Coming off the high doses has had no ill effects so far but time will tell. My back is killing with no trams and a bit sweaty but that's it. It does usually get worse up until day 7 for me though.

I see the rehab doc on Monday so I'll keep anyone that's interested updated.

If I have any major episodes I'll keep you posted 

Thanks for reading.

Snoop

 
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Congratulations @Solid Snoop, it takes courage and honesty to admit you have a problem.  Just take it easy on yourself and keep it simple.  You are definitely not alone.  It's good you are seeing a doctor and detoxing the right way.  This is the hard part, it does get better.  I was almost dead from booze and 4 yrs. later after getting sober my life has changed dramatically.  Let me know if I can help.  I should be able to PM now.

Missy50

 
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Good luck snoop m8,I think it's better to admit you have a problem and seek help from the doc.

Now that you've admitted the amount you've been taking to your wife you may well find that is a bit of a weight off your shoulders .I obviously don't know but I'd imagine you were  sticking your head in the sand and seeking solice in the medications?.I've done this myself and instead of adressing the problems i was only adding to them.Going down the doc route you should  get some help with the emotional pain and get yourself some help with the reduction plan.Obviously I don't know what emotional pain you are going through but with your wife's help and support you will get there and hopefully it will bring you closer and this can help massively.A problem shared and all that really is true,I know this from experience snoop.

Good luck take one day at a time and don't be afraid to share your problems with loved ones as sometimes just talking things through can be a release.

Peace 

Bliss......

 
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It has lifted a weight right off me as I was doing most of it in secret, especially buying.

I was dreading this until today where I see the solution, not the problem.

If I focus on the solution I won't fail. I have spent too much time and money on hiding behind meds. I will get my life back on track no matter what.

This is for not just me but my family who deserve better than what I've been for the last few months.

 
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Good luck I hope everything goes well for you. It sounds like you are being honest with yourself and that's an admiral strength ?

 
Go for it @Solid Snoop, in the long run it will benefit you all greatly. Got your back if you ever need it mate.

 
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A wise person (PTFC) said to me once that I should be honest with my benzo use at least for one major reason:

What if I end up in hospital? Maybe I have an accident and have to stay in for a few days? The amounts I was taking would lead to death if I went cold turkey whether I choose to or I'm forced to by the powers that be.

I think others should maybe think about that if they are looking for a reason to get off other than the ones personal to me.

I decided to get on this roller coaster so I just need to go with the highs and lows until I'm free. Actually pretty proud of myself.

 
So you should be mate, it had to come sooner or later. It should be a bit of a weight off your shoulders as bliss said. I'm happy you've taken this route, it will take time, but you'll get stabilised and can take it from there. 

 
Thank you for all the kind comments guys, it means the world to me.

Having a really good weekend despite reducing my doses drastically but I'll hold off until I see what the doc has planned for me before I start praising good I'm no longer an addict.

One thing I do want to say is that if I do pull this off, anyone can. I have an addictive personality (some don't believe it exists but I can get addicted to games, soft drinks etc) so I have that to battle with but that's focusing on the problem, not the solution. I'm going to ensure that all my thoughts are focused on solutions, not problems.

 
Sorry I'm late to reply, but I deeply respect and admire your choice. It takes so much strength, well done mate. =)

You sound 100% certain of quitting, which is such an important step.

Best of luck mate, I am confident you'll succeed. Keep us updated. And if you ever need to rant or get something off your chest, feel free to PM me and I'll help as much as I can.

 
Sorry too mate for the late reply. I think what you are doing is courageous to say the least. I'm obviously quite new here and we both don't know each other that well. But I've fought a few battles in my relatively short life and if there's anything. I can do to help or support you just say. 

You're  comminted to to this and that's the most important part and when (not if) but WHEN you are through to the other side again I'd be more than happy to share some knowledge. You know where I live mostly on this site and you'd be amazed with having a goal of going to the gym x amount of times a week and getting in shape even if you are already in shape you can get even more. Can be the best distraction and stave off the temptations.

good luck mate.

 
Well before my injury I was a right gym freak. Not a poser or anything. Just enjoyed training hard and eating clean. I'm getting back into that slowly but surely just now. I'm going to do some pilates which sounds a bit girly but it hits the muscles I want to grow to protect my injury. Thats the first step in regards to getting back into it.

In regards to the meds, I doubt most of you will believe this if you re-read my first post, I'm down to 50mg Diaz  (ready to make the jump the 45 soon.), maybe a few alps but that's just to stop me siezing up, 15mg mitrazipine for sleep and taking my trams at prescription dose. I've actually noticed a major boost in the trams painkilling effects with less benzos in me so the Doc wants me to remain on them.

My anxiety levels and pain levels are now lower than when I was taking deadly levels. I've also got the natural mood lift of doing something right and having all the supportive comments here.

Everyone is different but I really now believe less is more with benzos. I was told that to begin with but I have to admit I ignored that very knowledgeable persons advice. Learned from it though so that's what matters.

Guys I'll keep you updated as much as possible but I have a bit of an addiction to ordering and hoarding so no offence, I'm going to distance myself from the site. I wont go awol so can still give plenty of advice and will answer PM's, it just may take a day or two.

Ill keep updates on my progress as regular as possible but due to the nature of it and how slow it will be you won't be flooded with good/bad days constantly.

Again guys, can't thank you all enough for all the supportive comments. If I can help you in anyway then just let me know. (No I can't get you cheap oxy's haha)

Cheers

Snoop

 
Great to hear things are going well, and more power to you. I haven't been around much, oddly because I've noticed I'm increasing my doses since joining & know I need to cut back on things. I went a good number of years without taking anything and back problems finally made that difficult. And then with the trams I couldn't manage after a while on a prescribed dose and next thing I know I'm trying other things too. It's a slippery slop. I know I had to hit bottom the 1st time I got sober, but when you've got a family that can give a lot of positive reasons to clean up your act. I hope I have the courage to face things as you did in the not to distant future.

 
I used to go to AA and it does take a lot of bottle to admit that you're not just 'messing around'. I can binge some days, then other days I have about 80mg Diaz - which is still a lot. 

There is help out there, but my two attempts at rehab were bizarre. One was worse than prison, the other had workers asking clients for coke. 

There are many good rehabs and detox centres (or so I have heard).

 
I am so proud of you for both admitting this and trying to combat it.  hats off to you and once I'm done with physical therapy aka free gym lol - I'll read this.  You are very brave

 
Good luck mate...must admit i take 10-20 more 10mg Di@z some day's, knowing it wont make any difference apart from me sleeping longer (infact if im honest it doesn't really) after a night shift,i know i have a prob,,but doc's here think your just after a buzz and won't help with my insomnia.... Anyway,glad you took the first step and im sure you will feel better for it in the long run,cheers.

 
This site is GREAT but I think we can all admit to (over doing it) sInce we found our go to regular sources.I done what you did snoop and over used but fortunately I reeled myself back before it hooked me too much,Its so easy to get a monster bnz tolerance but so hard to get it back under control..

Your getting there though pal it'll just take a little time with the support of your family and doctor but you've done the hard part telling your loved ones and seeking medical support...

Peace 

Bliss....

 
Wow, sounds like you're doing great!  I'm happy for you and wish you all the best ?

 
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