I'm confused! And I'm sad! The VIP floor is SO tippy-top secret that they can't even say if there's cake or not!!
And what about the ponies? I heard that VIPs get a PONY! Rainbow-pooping sparkle ponies are all cool and whatnot, but what if I wanna llama instead? Llamas are way fluffy! Is there some top-secret $1,000 Llama Level sponsor required in addition to the 500 posts so's I can haz a llama instead of a sparkle pony?
Oh and I also heard that Beyoncé does the music for the coronation and crowning ceremony!
And then Tom Hardy and Jason Mamoa fight a cage match to win the affections of the new lady VIP!!
I was totally secretly promised and pinky-sworn that we get ALL that stuff at 500 posts.
TOTALLY promised all that.
Totally.