I'm pleased to announce...

You're right insofar as someone can die from dehydration as a result of detoxing from an opioid, but that's a secondary effect, the detox itself isn't killing you, whereas with benzs and alcohol you can have seizures that are directly related to the detox.

I, by no means would I suggest you take up drinking, it's nasty stuff. I was just thinking aloud as to whether alcohol would work to remove the risk of seizures the same way a benz does for someone detoxing from alcohol. And yes, the two should be mixed. Of course the point of detox med, is that you only take it temporarily otherwise you're just substituting one addiction for another. I started drinking when I was kicking meth, and it worked to keep my mind off it but wasn't filling any useful role & just lead to me becoming an alcoholic. 

Anyway, good luck & stay strong.

 
Glad to hear things are going well & I applaud your bravery. There are only 2 types of withdrawal that can actually kill you--benzos and alcohol.

They give benzos to alcoholics who are detoxing--I used to drink a qt of vodka a day and detoxed myself with vals--but I don't know if anyone had tried detoxing from benzos with alcohol (not that you need it). It should fill the same basic role as a gaba-a agonist.
 wow, interesting theory!  You guys know so much about this, and I enjoy reading and learning. 

VII, glad to hear you'll not go that route of course.  Where's your approximate location btw?  Seems important to your story, and I'm sorry that I missed it somewhere along the way.  Still a new guy here.   :wacko:

 
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 wow, interesting theory!  You guys know so much about this, and I enjoy reading and learning. 

VII, glad to hear you'll not go that route of course.  Where's your approximate location btw?  Seems important to your story, and I'm sorry that I missed it somewhere along the way.  Still a new guy here.   :wacko:
The location of where I resign or the location on where I stand with the tapering? I'm not fully sure if I follow what you're asking, pardon my ignorance. No need to be sorry, we're not mean people here. We're all here to help eachother out! I joined the 15th of last month, doesn't take long to get used to the forums, navigating, and figuring things out. If something is confusing you feel free to ask, nobody is going to laugh or make fun of you-- we'd point you in the right direction.

Best wishes,

-VII

 
The location of where I resign or the location on where I stand with the tapering? I'm not fully sure if I follow what you're asking, pardon my ignorance. No need to be sorry, we're not mean people here. We're all here to help eachother out! I joined the 15th of last month, doesn't take long to get used to the forums, navigating, and figuring things out. If something is confusing you feel free to ask, nobody is going to laugh or make fun of you-- we'd point you in the right direction.

Best wishes,

-VII
yeah, thanks.  I mean the physical location you're residing in.  Seems like the Docs are extra super sensitive about giving non - ssri medications there (benz, pks, etc), where you're at, so I was just curious abut your appx. location.  Thanks, and thanks for all the other kinds words too.  

 
yeah, thanks.  I mean the physical location you're residing in.  Seems like the Docs are extra super sensitive about giving non - ssri medications there (benz, pks, etc), where you're at, so I was just curious abut your appx. location.  Thanks, and thanks for all the other kinds words too.  
Unfortunately I don't disclose such information to the public. What I can say is I'm on the East Coast. For the most part, it seem the west is easier to get benz/pks especially seeing that MM is legal in some of the states if not more by now apposed from the east. The problem is there's too many abusers out there that abuse benz/pks that actually need them so the newer doctors by law can't technically prescribe them. You'd most likely have to see a specialist to get such a thing.

Our doctors are not getting younger, if you have a script for something one day and they decide to move or retire the next day you may not find a doctor willing to fill the normal scripts you've been getting for years. I swear, abusers really itch at me seeing I've suffered my whole life with anxiety and these drugs have helped me through the hardest times in my life so far yet people abuse it not caring about why it's even out there just for the "high" so to speak while the ones who need it sit and suffer until a doc scribes it again.

In my case, I can still get scripts for these seeing it's deep in my medical records that in crystal clear print that it's practically required for me to be on such substances for various reasons. That doesn't mean every doctor will scribe it to me, infact I had one simply say while my doctor was away on a holiday (temp visit to a new one until mine returned) simply flat out said "No, I will not prescribe these to you". My heart and stomach sank seeing I've been randomly urine tested for years, had a clean record with zero signs of abuse, and on top of that I was going through withdrawals. 

I wasn't a very nice person that day, generally I'm very kind to others but I demanded to see a doctor that will sit down and take the time to read my medical records and prescribe me my medication that I've been on for over a decade. I got lucky and there was only one other in the clinic that gave me a temporary refill until my doctor returned. Maybe it's just due to the fact the newer doctors out there with little experience refuse to prescribe such medications and are replacing all the ones who do seeing there's only a handful out there and the rein is dying out.

One of the most primary reasons I'm getting off these slowly, or at least getting on a really low dose so if doctors in my area refuse to provide the scripts I'll simply ask at the least to help me be weened off it which is more than reasonable, that is my last resort. That and I must say your body feels much cleaner and healthier off these medications or on low doses apposed from extremely high doses that I was previously on.

I know I'll have this panic disorder for the rest of my life, I realize that-- same goes for PTSD. However that doesn't mean I need to stay on these meds just to build up a higher tolerance and being on an absurd amount per day just to function eventually killing me (especially if doctors won't scribe it when I'm out like the holiday story and I go through withdrawals) so for my own safety it's for the best.

 
Alcohol and benzo's are the two most deadly because not just of the seizures they can cause but because they build new paths for neurons to travel.  When that neuron isn't fed, it tries to go out and seek it - only not to find it.  This often leads to all these mental / emotional issues. 

The ER is again dependent on the city / county.  I live in the big C (3rd largest city), there's not a pill issue here - it's the big dogs.  At the ER here I was given valium and other things. Mostly to help sleep (ambien) to reduce seizures (valium) and something else I'll have to look up.  Here it's no biggie and we take an oath to first do no harm.  I wouldn't dare send a patient home in benzo withdrawal without what I just mentioned! I'd send the lowest dose with a follow up to the GP but I'd give 15 pills on ambien and 20 for valium 5 or 10 (depending on history).  I'd also try to convince med detox for it right then for 5 days - so we can give you what you need without the prying eyes of others.  Not because you're an addict but because you are dependent and aren't seeking.  A lot of younger Dr's see everything as addiction not dependence caused by regular rx'ing.

With PTSD (I have it from severe sexual infant and toddler abuse), you should be seeing a neurologist and psych. With those two they will likely find a way to keep you safe. PTSD cannot go untreated my friend.  Coping skills being learned are awesome but you can't go around terrified of triggers that you cannot control.  You may be a strong case for always needing it.

As far as drinking during detox; to each their own but I do not recommend this in the least and pain meds help little.  Benzos work like an ssri or trams. I could try to find a place for you privately not in open discussion - that is your call.

Either way I am here and I am invested in YOUR RECOVERY

 
Keep on keeping on VII, you seem to be coping (just about).I've been through many wds over the years but only from opiates and I understand some of the symptoms you describe so well.Things can and will only get better and your right the week you've spent reducing and stopping certain meds can only help you and your reliance on the meds.As allways when you think you've got by the worst and you have a bad day this is the time when you can cave in and use your meds/drug that's creating the problems.Keep posative and keep safe is the only advice I can give really.

As far as im conserned your gp or health system has a duty of care for yourself especially if there is any danger from wds.There is a difference from someone seeking meds and someone NEEDING meds, and surely a gp can do a few tests such as pulse ect as someone suffering wds should easily be identified compared to someone seeking meds surely?.

Peace 

Bliss....

 
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I'm glad to read you're still going strong. I'm sorry I've been a bit quiet on this thread, but don't forget we're all here with you and here to help in any way we can.

As far as doctors go, yeah...I've had various experiences with them. I tend to find an understanding one, who inevitably retires. I do definitely find the young ones aren't as understanding...

 
You asked about my more natural remedies.  I actually went back to college in my early thirties to try and figure out some more natural ways to deal with my panic/PTSD.  I got a degree in nutrition and food science and I use this background to help me deal.  I am a big proponent of light therapy.  Poor vitamin D levels can exacerbate anxiety.  You can get it from a few foods but we are meant to naturally make it through sun exposure.  My husband actually insists on my tanning once a week in the rainy season because long periods without sunshine really gets me agitated.  During the summer, I am outside whenever possible.  

Another food thing to follow is your iron levels.  Long before anemia develops you can have behavior issues due to iron deficiency.  First and foremost is anxiety and poor attention span.  I have a terrible time getting enough iron from my diet so I take a supplement three days a week.

Many of the B vitamins also lead to anxiety like symptoms in deficiency.  They are found in meats and fortified grains.  If you don't regularly eat those, you might want to take a supplement.

I always recommend that if a client is considering a supplement that they choose a nice children's multivitamin that gives about 50% of what is required.  You want to prevent deficiency but you don't want to add too much, they can have side effects in excessive doses just like they can in deficiency.

Going along with these dietary remedies, I had to give up caffeine and smoking. Both were beyond difficult to give up but the benefits were life giving.  Both deplete the natural neurotransmitters and I need every last little bit I can get.  It took me years to quit both but through the process, I could feel the difference in my mood and behavior when I slipped.  After a while it became easier to not smoke or have caffeine because I knew that I would be able to sleep, able to cope, not have the awful circular thoughts that I could not escape.  

Another natural remedy I use goes along with the light therapy.  My circadian rhythm is very easily upset and if it gets out of wack then my anxiety gets out of wack too.  I avoid screens and excessive light after 10 pm.  If I can't sleep I cuddle with my dog, do self massage or get my yoga mat out and so through some stretches.  I absolutely do not turn on the lights.  Artificial light leads me to total insomnia and my panic goes haywire.

Finally, I do take kratom, kava kava and poppy pod tea from time to time.  These are more for when I feel my stress level rising and I want to get some relaxation before I trigger panic.  I know my triggers well enough to know that when a family cue or work situation comes up, I should take a tea to head off the spiraling thoughts.  After years of dealing with this, I know when I need a destressor.

When I see clients, we always talk about what small change they can make that could make the biggest impact on their health.  All the things above have helped me.  I hope that among them you can find one little thing that might help.  Anxiety and panic are all consuming so I hope you can find a one small change that can make some difference for you.

 
You asked about my more natural remedies.  I actually went back to college in my early thirties to try and figure out some more natural ways to deal with my panic/PTSD.  I got a degree in nutrition and food science and I use this background to help me deal.  I am a big proponent of light therapy.  Poor vitamin D levels can exacerbate anxiety.  You can get it from a few foods but we are meant to naturally make it through sun exposure.  My husband actually insists on my tanning once a week in the rainy season because long periods without sunshine really gets me agitated.  During the summer, I am outside whenever possible.  

Another food thing to follow is your iron levels.  Long before anemia develops you can have behavior issues due to iron deficiency.  First and foremost is anxiety and poor attention span.  I have a terrible time getting enough iron from my diet so I take a supplement three days a week.

Many of the B vitamins also lead to anxiety like symptoms in deficiency.  They are found in meats and fortified grains.  If you don't regularly eat those, you might want to take a supplement.

I always recommend that if a client is considering a supplement that they choose a nice children's multivitamin that gives about 50% of what is required.  You want to prevent deficiency but you don't want to add too much, they can have side effects in excessive doses just like they can in deficiency.

Going along with these dietary remedies, I had to give up caffeine and smoking. Both were beyond difficult to give up but the benefits were life giving.  Both deplete the natural neurotransmitters and I need every last little bit I can get.  It took me years to quit both but through the process, I could feel the difference in my mood and behavior when I slipped.  After a while it became easier to not smoke or have caffeine because I knew that I would be able to sleep, able to cope, not have the awful circular thoughts that I could not escape.  

Another natural remedy I use goes along with the light therapy.  My circadian rhythm is very easily upset and if it gets out of wack then my anxiety gets out of wack too.  I avoid screens and excessive light after 10 pm.  If I can't sleep I cuddle with my dog, do self massage or get my yoga mat out and so through some stretches.  I absolutely do not turn on the lights.  Artificial light leads me to total insomnia and my panic goes haywire.

Finally, I do take kratom, kava kava and poppy pod tea from time to time.  These are more for when I feel my stress level rising and I want to get some relaxation before I trigger panic.  I know my triggers well enough to know that when a family cue or work situation comes up, I should take a tea to head off the spiraling thoughts.  After years of dealing with this, I know when I need a destressor.

When I see clients, we always talk about what small change they can make that could make the biggest impact on their health.  All the things above have helped me.  I hope that among them you can find one little thing that might help.  Anxiety and panic are all consuming so I hope you can find a one small change that can make some difference for you.
That's quite a handful of knowledge you have there, it's a powerful weapon.

My main issue with consumption is due to the withdrawals preventing me from eating regularly I will have to try some of these to throw into my daily life. I'm able to eat, but not very much. I assume it's just a normal symptom and I'm not too worried about it.

I too have to give up smoking, but not yet. I'll give up smoking after I'm done with this-- one step at a time. I used to be a heavy caffeine drinker but I no longer drink much caffeine at all, every now and then yes but not every day or every week. I do smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, that's one problem but we'll come to that when the time comes.

I never knew light could effect your anxiety levels, I'll have to dim some lights down when it starts to get dark seeing I am sensitive to light. That's one piece of advice that I can start doing right now.

I'm currently experimenting with Kratom, however it seems if I take a dose let's just say today I won't feel the same effects tomorrow. It's strange how that works and I honestly don't want to go up to a high dose and become addicted to another substance. I can feel the Kratom working at low doses (1.5-3 grams) and I think that's a safe place for me. I'm still in the experimental phase, I've made a few threads about Kratom and experiences with specific types however I struggle with consumption. People keep telling me to brew it as tea, I can't stand the taste if it's mixed with anything. I can however wash it down without an issue seeing all the Kratom I have a very finely grained. 

The only downside to it is sometimes there's an unpleasant feeling in my throat that tickles, I assume it's some getting stuck or something along those lines. Gargling water or mouth wash seems to help with that though, not really an issue there. I assume finding the right strain for me would be ideal so I still have a lot to try. Issue is, as I said before the effects if taken twice in a 24 hour time frame for me personally are not the same. Is this normal? If so then I lost my luck trying to find a more natural alternative to benzos. If not, perhaps it's just the strain.

Either way, thank you so much for the advice and methods. I'll keep note of them all and start working on them slowly to see what fits me best. 

Regards,

-VII

Keep on keeping on VII, you seem to be coping (just about).I've been through many wds over the years but only from opiates and I understand some of the symptoms you describe so well.Things can and will only get better and your right the week you've spent reducing and stopping certain meds can only help you and your reliance on the meds.As allways when you think you've got by the worst and you have a bad day this is the time when you can cave in and use your meds/drug that's creating the problems.Keep posative and keep safe is the only advice I can give really.

As far as im conserned your gp or health system has a duty of care for yourself especially if there is any danger from wds.There is a difference from someone seeking meds and someone NEEDING meds, and surely a gp can do a few tests such as pulse ect as someone suffering wds should easily be identified compared to someone seeking meds surely?.

Peace 

Bliss....
I'm somewhat coping, there's always times I just want to give up but it's really not as bad as I thought it would be. Perhaps the hard part is over and it's slowly going down. Who knows, that could also be the tapering substance easing it up so much that I don't notice a difference. I mean yes, there's noticeable differences that have occurred since the last update which I'll be posting a bit later for everyone to catch up with the new symptoms that came along.

However, a family member told me "Addiction doesn't truly matter if you need the substance to get through your day, seeing you have an anxiety disorder you need medication to assist you with that". I see where the family member was coming from, so as far as I'm concerned I'm just trying to get on a very low dose as stated before (awhile back) that's safer. I don't think anxiety disorders that you've had your whole life just vanish over time, perhaps getting easier but it'll still be there I think.

Throughout the years, before I was even put on benzos I was being treated for an anxiety disorder which I was originally diagnosed with as a small child. As time passed by, things simply got worse with the disorder itself which doctors have confirmed that the disorder was not a false diagnosis. I had one false diagnosis where my doctors thought I had ADHD which was indeed false, that was found out later down the road to be Asperger's Syndrome, not ADHD. 

You do have a point though, if someone is classified with the disorder and actually needs the medications on a daily basis (in my case, roughly 2-4 panic attacks on average daily) shouldn't be an issue but on the other end, some of the newer doctors refuse to prescribe such medications to people that actually need them even if your medical records state all of your disorders that require such medications to treat the disorders. I've ran into this problem a number of times which does make me worried, however there's bound to be a way for people that need the medications to be treated for the disorder in some way shape or form instead of doing nothing.

Regards,

-VII

I'm glad to read you're still going strong. I'm sorry I've been a bit quiet on this thread, but don't forget we're all here with you and here to help in any way we can.

As far as doctors go, yeah...I've had various experiences with them. I tend to find an understanding one, who inevitably retires. I do definitely find the young ones aren't as understanding...
One foot infront of the other, won't look back now. There's no reason to be sorry, I know you're a lurker more than anything but your support was always welcomed. I never forgot about you and the others that originally supported me when I started. 

Well, it's not a matter of them not understanding I think they are taught something along the lines of "most people will abuse such substances, avoid prescribing these at all costs". I cannot say that's true or not seeing I'm not a doctor but none the less it's leaning towards that. I can see the newer doctors with less than 10 years of experience would be good for checkups and various other things but when it comes to medication for serious disorders I wouldn't go with a doctor that didn't have at least 20 years or more experience in the field.

Psychiatrists cost a fortune, but generally give you what you need. After seeing one you can most likely get your doctor to prescribe it for you from there so you don't have to keep seeing the psychiatrist costing you an arm and a leg depending on your insurance. 

Thank you for the continuous support,

-VII

Thank you @VII, that is plenty close enough to what I was asking for.  I'm on the EC as well.  
I'm sorry that I'm uncomfortable giving very detailed information but I hope you understand where I'm coming from. Perhaps you're having the same issues on the East Coast? Seems the West Coast is more lenient regarding prescription drugs. Not fully sure about other areas in the US, just in small areas in the East. 

Regards,

-VII

 
Alcohol and benzo's are the two most deadly because not just of the seizures they can cause but because they build new paths for neurons to travel.  When that neuron isn't fed, it tries to go out and seek it - only not to find it.  This often leads to all these mental / emotional issues. 

The ER is again dependent on the city / county.  I live in the big C (3rd largest city), there's not a pill issue here - it's the big dogs.  At the ER here I was given valium and other things. Mostly to help sleep (ambien) to reduce seizures (valium) and something else I'll have to look up.  Here it's no biggie and we take an oath to first do no harm.  I wouldn't dare send a patient home in benzo withdrawal without what I just mentioned! I'd send the lowest dose with a follow up to the GP but I'd give 15 pills on ambien and 20 for valium 5 or 10 (depending on history).  I'd also try to convince med detox for it right then for 5 days - so we can give you what you need without the prying eyes of others.  Not because you're an addict but because you are dependent and aren't seeking.  A lot of younger Dr's see everything as addiction not dependence caused by regular rx'ing.

With PTSD (I have it from severe sexual infant and toddler abuse), you should be seeing a neurologist and psych. With those two they will likely find a way to keep you safe. PTSD cannot go untreated my friend.  Coping skills being learned are awesome but you can't go around terrified of triggers that you cannot control.  You may be a strong case for always needing it.

As far as drinking during detox; to each their own but I do not recommend this in the least and pain meds help little.  Benzos work like an ssri or trams. I could try to find a place for you privately not in open discussion - that is your call.

Either way I am here and I am invested in YOUR RECOVERY
I've only tried it once, the only issue is it actually felt good. The reason that's an issue is due to the fact of the dangers involved, gladly it was a very low amount of alcohol (years ago).

Where I'm at I think there's a lot of people going to the ER seeking pain meds or various other meds to either sell or abuse which ruined it for the city that I'm in. I keep hearing about how doctors are starting to refuse prescribing such things to patients due to the abuse going around. I assume this is a bad area for me to be in for withdrawals, I should of thought about this ahead of time.

I'll have to discuss Ambien with a medical professional to see if the substance would be right for me or not. I should be going soon, within the next week or so. The ER is always open so if something serious occurs I'll drop by there if need be, but only under serious circumstances.

I'm very sorry to hear about your PTSD, hopefully the treatment is working for you. I've yet to receive treatment for it-- perhaps I need to suggest it instead seeing if it can't go untreated then there may be heavier problems down the road. I do have a few coping skills that I use for PTSD that were ironically self-taught through dealing with my own panic attacks. However, seeing a psych might be my best option to see if the methods will assist me in the long run.

I refuse to drink during detox seeing the tapering substance is a benzo and the worst thing I could possibly do is mix alcohol with a benzo just to give my body a gateway to continue taking heavy doses as I've been prescribed. It seems it would go down that path if alcohol was involved. Pain meds are helping A TON! I do have wisdom teeth that are causing these chronic cluster headaches that simply feel like they never stop and on top of that withdrawal symptoms like heavy chest pain (feels like you're being stabbed repetitively), tense muscle pain, and strong pain in my head and neck due to the withdrawals (a different type of pain than the cluster headaches I get). They honestly have helped me through most of the symptoms that only involve pain. I don't take any PK's uless the pain is absolutely unbareable to the extent I cannot function which recently, it's been getting worse. Hopefully this isn't a long-lasting effect.

You may PM me or we can use my private password protected thread if you're looking to discuss something privately. I wouldn't mind, all the advice you have given along with others have only helped me so I'm always open to such things.

Thank you so much for continuing to support me, I can't thank you enough seeing it sometimes feels you're alone and it's quite nice and comforting to go through this at an easier pace knowing there's other's out there that have gone through the same thing or going through it now. 

Regards,

-VII

Edit: I am so sorry for the delayed response, I thought the last post I made on page 3 would be the last on page 3. I'm glad I double checked and found your message! However, please forgive me for this mistake. 

 
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I'm glad to read you're still going strong. I'm sorry I've been a bit quiet on this thread, but don't forget we're all here with you and here to help in any way we can.

As far as doctors go, yeah...I've had various experiences with them. I tend to find an understanding one, who inevitably retires. I do definitely find the young ones aren't as understanding...
It's because they are still young and resilient.  After they've had about three to four visits with this girl...I break them down. Lol. I ought to be slipping my pcp a mini Smirnoff on the way out.

Speaking of which..my new psychiatrist is definitely exhibiting signs of dementia. My med list is like not even close..he makes bizarre comments and forgets to bill my insurance..which I rmind him of. 

I feel like a bit of a bad person for taking advantage of his strong script writing arm, but then the anxiety leads me back to the bennys and all is justified.

Good job to you @VII. Stay strong.

 
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It's because they are still young and resilient.  After they've had about three to four visits with this girl...I break them down. Lol. I ought to be slipping my pcp a mini Smirnoff on the way out.

Speaking of which..my new psychiatrist is definitely exhibiting signs of dementia. My med list is like not even close..he makes bizarre comments and forgets to bill my insurance..which I rmind him of. 

I feel like a bit of a bad person for taking advantage of his strong script writing arm, but then the anxiety leads me back to the bennys and all is justified.

Good job to you @VII. Stay strong.
Thank you for your support.

Don't feel bad for using medications to treat your anxiety, that's what its there for! If you have a disorder like I do regarding anxiety issues it can be long-term or life-long which is unfortunate but that's what the medications are designed for. 

I'm simply weening myself down from an extremely high dose of benzos that were prescribed to me to a much lower and safer dose. My pharmacy has a good tenancy to take their time refilling my meds...which isn't good at all. So cutting back is crutial for me right now.

I'm sorry to hear about the issues you have, hopefully you'll find the right doctor and medication(s) that are right for you and help.

Regards,

-VII

 
I'm sorry that I'm uncomfortable giving very detailed information but I hope you understand where I'm coming from. Perhaps you're having the same issues on the East Coast? Seems the West Coast is more lenient regarding prescription drugs. Not fully sure about other areas in the US, just in small areas in the East. 

Regards,

-VII
No apology necessary!  I'm from the Boston area.  I've only made one order back during some strange period in Jan with an SY  vendor when they were all messed up for whatever reason.  I'm hoping that's my last order ever, soberness and maybe even God willing!  The xanz get me through the day at my white collar job in pretty good shape.  Someone else mentioned a psych, sorry no quote but I wanted to talk about that for a bit. 

My PCP and therapist recommended I see one, and maybe I could go on a responsible benzo rx when the time comes to deal with my severe anxiety which is worse of course during my (week)daily alcohol withdrawals!  Not to mention mthe reason for my alcohol dependency!  My PCP is old, terribly kind and understanding.  He will respect my wishes (no inpatient!!!) while also refuse to give me an RX for a benxo.  (except for detox).  I plan to be sober for a month starting in next Monday and will maybe see a Psych consult in a month or so.  I'll keep a handful of zannies and oxazyys to the side until then, just to see how they treat sober me. 

VII, my heart goes out to you.  Your experience is many times worse than mine.  Best of luck. :)  as always.

 
No apology necessary!  I'm from the Boston area.  I've only made one order back during some strange period in Jan with an SY  vendor when they were all messed up for whatever reason.  I'm hoping that's my last order ever, soberness and maybe even God willing!  The xanz get me through the day at my white collar job in pretty good shape.  Someone else mentioned a psych, sorry no quote but I wanted to talk about that for a bit. 

My PCP and therapist recommended I see one, and maybe I could go on a responsible benzo rx when the time comes to deal with my severe anxiety which is worse of course during my (week)daily alcohol withdrawals!  Not to mention mthe reason for my alcohol dependency!  My PCP is old, terribly kind and understanding.  He will respect my wishes (no inpatient!!!) while also refuse to give me an RX for a benxo.  (except for detox).  I plan to be sober for a month starting in next Monday and will maybe see a Psych consult in a month or so.  I'll keep a handful of zannies and oxazyys to the side until then, just to see how they treat sober me. 

VII, my heart goes out to you.  Your experience is many times worse than mine.  Best of luck. :)  as always.
Boston eh? Closer to eachother than I thought. Still a few states away but none the less, small world isn't it!

I had to make a note on your recovery thread regarding xans being used as a taper, vals might be better seeing it's very effective and assists with alcohol withdrawal aswell. Xans are very short-term based apposed from vals, I wouldn't suggest KP's for it due to first hand experience, but val's have been doing the trick for most people plus it's cheaper. 

There's a lot of substances that can help you through alcohol withdrawals, and vals might be the first place most doctors may turn to. I can't be fully sure about that but there's many success stories with vals regarding alcohol withdrawals. ox is good and bad at the same time, there's a lot of counterfeit ones going around which can put you life in serious danger more than the actual real ones. The addiction rates are very high though, so be careful! I'd highly suggest something lighter like vikings or trams, still does the trick, cheaper, and doesn't mess you up heavily like ox's. 

Just be careful with any substance you use that's in controlled substance class. I'm merely looking after you, some advice may not be useful that I post but it's all out of caring for the individual. None the less, always consult with a healthcare professional before going on such medications to ask them about how it would effect them. Even if they won't prescribe it, just asking about them and the risks for you personally based on your medical history will give you a better judgement on what's safest for you personally.

Thanks again for your support, it means a lot to me.

Warm wishes,

-VII

 
Update: Day 10 & 11.

I apologize for the delay, but hopefully this will make up for it all.

In the past two days I feel like most of the original symptoms are getting lighter but the newer ones are getting worse. This doesn't mean the older symptoms are gone, they're still sitting happily in my body unfortunately on top of the newer ones.

One of the newer symptoms that have gotten much worse is upper chest pain roughly the top right side of my chest a few inches above my nipple for a more exact area. The chest pain has gotten very bad, it's a strong stabbing pain but the most noticeable thing about the pain is it's as if there's a lot of pressure on the area even though no pressure is being applied to the area of my chest that has the pain or any area for that matter. The pain seems to seek through my body so to speak providing me with different types of headaches and various pain throughout my entire body, especially throughout the liver/kidney areas of my body.

I'm not too concerned seeing I had this previously with withdrawals and didn't have any serious problems. However this can get to the point to where I feel like I can't stand the pain anymore. I really need to be prescribed a PK or something for this, I can't even get out of bed or do daily activities at times due to the pain. I made an appointment with my doctor to discuss all the pain I'm experiencing including the pain I previously had before the detox process. 

I feel more alert now which I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. During panic, it doesn't help one bit but regarding positives I've yet to find one besides being more aware of my surroundings and what's going on around me in general. My senses are greatly increases, smell, vision, hearing, and touch. It almost feels as if I'm some lab test subject that's formed into some abomination. 

All of this seems like some serious sick joke somebody is putting on me, it's miserable. The first week and a few days after the first week weren't that bad but now I'm seeing the real side of it. I don't crave the medications as much as I used to be which is good but they're still on my mind knowing they'll help me. It hurts me in so many ways knowing it's right there at my disposal but if I take them then I'm just giving in to my temptations and ruining the detox process. Even if I didn't have them at my disposal, I'm exposed to family members that do have them for the same issues so it wouldn't matter if I had them or not.

At the moment, I honestly want to give in to make this all stop but there's a string that I'm holding onto metaphorically speaking to stay away from it. The feeling of making it stop and knowing I won't go through this anymore is very tempting at this point. This doesn't mean I crave them, that's a bit different. I think my body is trying to tell me I need these right now...maybe it is cravings I have no idea but I'm trying to convince myself that they're not. 

Denial is just not a river in Egypt folks. The tapering substance(s) are helping me maintain relaxation as much as I possibly can, I'm not abusing the tapering substance(s) though. I'm just glad the tapering substance(s) work to an extent. It's keeping me calm but not really helping with the withdrawal symptoms I'm having. 

I still struggle to sleep, I can sleep for 2-4 hours at most as it's been for about a week now. It seems less and less as time goes on. I do try to take naps during the day though to help...but it's still not the same as getting a good nights rest. 

God, my muscle pains are really flaring up during these withdrawals aswell, I forgot to mention that. I'm on Tizanidine to help with fibromyalgia however that is not working right now. It's gotten very serious regarding muscle pain and the only thing that seems to help is PK's. I refuse to take them for this seeing they're highly addictive and I don't need to be on these every day. I only take PK's for pain that I cannot stand-- pain that prevents me from doing my daily activities for hours on end or days on end.

So at the moment I'm dealing with the muscle pain naturally, I shouldn't because I'm constantly being effected by it from the time I wake up till the time I fall asleep. I just wish my muscle relaxer would help with this...unfortunately it doesn't seem to want to.

That thread of hope that I'm holding onto is hanging onto the supporters that have been here since the beginning of my recovery. I won't let you down, I won't give in. As tempting as it is to make it just all stop is the only thing that's bringing me down right now. There's only so much one human being can take, and I may be hitting my limit if this gets any worse. It's very hard to describe the pain and how these withdrawals are effecting me but it's more than I can possibly explain...not to mention it's very difficult to sit down and explain such things to anyone seeing most simply cannot be explained besides being unbearable. 

I've been through a lot for the short amount of years I've lived on this earth, and I have to say nothing compares to this hell that is occurring right now. I rarely cry, but this is actually causing me to tear up. I may sound like a child while I say this but it honestly is so bad I've started to cry and become very depressed over this. I now know what people are talking about when they describe it being a living hell...I would never wish such a thing on anybody no matter what they've done, nobody deserves this. I'm so sorry to the people that have gone through the same thing. I'm giving my heart out to all of those that went through benzo detox when I say I'm sorry, I honestly am that you experienced this.

Even though my brain is more alert, I feel like I'm thinking much slower. I noticed I can't do mathematics in my head anymore, that's when I started noticing this. I don't think it's serious-- perhaps it's just stress getting to me. I'm ready to pull out my hair so I think I'll go take a hot shower to TRY to relax my muscles and do something relaxing to calm me down. 

While I've been writing this message, I feel light headed, heavy chest pain, heavy head pain, light pain in my abdomen, the strongest muscle pain I've felt in my life, depression, consistent body temperature changes causing sweating at times, and heavy anxiety. No panic attacks during writing this message, hopefully I won't get another one today. Three has been enough for one day, I don't need a fourth on top of all this.

I apologize for any typos I may of had or wording things strangely, I'm just not thinking straight right now. I'm not violent, it's the exact opposite. So I may of worded things wrongly so feel free to correct me if need be or if you need clarification I'll gladly provide you with the information you needed regarding the experience.

I really hope this ends soon...I don't know how much more I can take.

-VII

 
Boston eh? Closer to eachother than I thought. Still a few states away but none the less, small world isn't it!

I had to make a note on your recovery thread regarding xans being used as a taper, vals might be better seeing it's very effective and assists with alcohol withdrawal aswell. Xans are very short-term based apposed from vals, I wouldn't suggest KP's for it due to first hand experience, but val's have been doing the trick for most people plus it's cheaper. 

There's a lot of substances that can help you through alcohol withdrawals, and vals might be the first place most doctors may turn to. I can't be fully sure about that but there's many success stories with vals regarding alcohol withdrawals. ox is good and bad at the same time, there's a lot of counterfeit ones going around which can put you life in serious danger more than the actual real ones. The addiction rates are very high though, so be careful! I'd highly suggest something lighter like vikings or trams, still does the trick, cheaper, and doesn't mess you up heavily like ox's. 

Just be careful with any substance you use that's in controlled substance class. I'm merely looking after you, some advice may not be useful that I post but it's all out of caring for the individual. None the less, always consult with a healthcare professional before going on such medications to ask them about how it would effect them. Even if they won't prescribe it, just asking about them and the risks for you personally based on your medical history will give you a better judgement on what's safest for you personally.

Thanks again for your support, it means a lot to me.

Warm wishes,

-VII
thanks a ton.  My xans were for emergency purposes to detox on my own in case my doc wouldn't RX me the OX.  Also for dealing with the WD during the workdays while I arrange my IOP (which starts Monday).  Turns out he did the RX and it's all good.   The Ox has a nice calming effect on me.  I'm good at tapering, and have done it twice so far.  It's all through a major three letter pharmacy that I'm both were sure familiar with, so nothing counterfeit should be involved, as far as the Ox.

Your fourth paragraph is spot on, I'm 100% with you there.  Peace...........

-bob

 
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thanks a ton.  My xans were for emergency purposes to detox on my own in case my doc wouldn't RX me the OX.  Also for dealing with the WD during the workdays while I arrange my IOP (which starts Monday).  Turns out he did the RX and it's all good.   The Ox has a nice calming effect on me.  I'm good at tapering, and have done it twice so far.  It's all through a major three letter pharmacy that I'm both were sure familiar with, so nothing counterfeit should be involved, as far as the Ox.

Your fourth paragraph is spot on, I'm 100% with you there.  Peace...........

-bob
Yep, we're both familiar with the same pharmacy. Seeing they get their supply directly from a chem manufacture processing plant from my understanding there shouldn't be any counterfeits from that pharmacy. Regarding the potency purely depends on the brand. Some are better than others than default, if you get your hands on a good brand try to conserve it to put some off to the side so if you get a bad brand next time you still have some of the good brands on hand. Having a small stash for emergencies never hurts. 

I might of chosen my words poorly seeing I was somewhat worked up when I was writing that (anxiety) but re-reading it, should get the point across. I apologize you feel the same way, however you can rest assure someone else in this world is right beside you feeling the same exact thing.

How's the alcohol recovery going? I haven't seen you post much progress lately so just raised my curiosity on how things are going. If you'd prefer not to publically disclose the information that's perfectly fine-- wouldn't want to drag you out of your comfort zone.

Regards,

-VII

 
l might of chosen my words poorly seeing I was somewhat worked up when I was writing that (anxiety) but re-reading it, should get the point across. I apologize you feel the same way, however you can rest assure someone else in this world is right beside you feeling the same exact thing.

How's the alcohol recovery going? I haven't seen you post much progress lately so just raised my curiosity on how things are going. If you'd prefer not to publically disclose the information that's perfectly fine-- wouldn't want to drag you out of your comfort zone.

Regards,

-VII
Hey so if we're talking about the same paragraph beginning with " Just be careful with any substance you use that's in controlled substance class. " then that's what I was in 100% agreement with.  I don't think there's any apology necessary for that.  We might have been out of sync about what paragraph I was talking about.

Tonight I'm drinking normally, tomorrow I'm gonna party like it's 1999 and then that's it.  Friday I start the OZ for the the third time, stop taking xan, stop drinking, and start intensive outpatient therapy starting on Monday, lasting a month.  I'm good talking about it all, and respect your privacy at the same time.  Any questions answered over here, and any advice accepted with gratitude and respect.  

Peace.......

-bob

 
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