Marriage is not what I'd hoped

Troubadour said:
Ya don't think that time I went to work at Brokeback Mountain that was a break in trust was it? Oh $#!+
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Yeah, appreciate each other and respect playes a major part as well. The lasting emotion is friendship

 
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Location: Uranus. Bahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How long have you been there, for cripes sake????

 
If my wife wasn't such a ditch most of the time, I think we could actually be friends.

But as it stands now, I'm on constant guard thinking she's gonna stab me with a flaming pitch fork while I'm taking rest in the gutter.

Ditch

 
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I'm late to this thread, but asking this question on this board strikes me as very ironic.

Speaking only for myself, I am the LAST person who ANYONE should be asking relationship advice of.

I won't even tell you how much I pay in child support, you wouldn't believe me.

 
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DITCH said:
If my wife wasn't such a ditch most of the time, I think we could actually be friends.

But as it stands now, I'm on constant guard thinking she's gonna stab me with a flaming pitch fork while I'm taking rest in the gutter.

Ditch
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Some days, I wish that I had gotten the pitchfork!!

 
Anger management helped me tremendously. Believe it of not P&G is the right thing to do. My wife would follow me around the house and took what ever time it took to make me loose it. This takes hours most times BTW. I learned the only thing I can control is MYSELF. I started to stay with my Mom 2 -3 nights a week. This was having a significant positive effect. But then she got stage 4 cancer. I moved back in permanently and took care of her and the kids. I held her hand as she died. SHE still fought me ALL the WAY. I moved in and out of her space as needed. Just do what you have to do. CONTROL YOURSELF. Yes I believe in sticking it out, no body understood why I did not divorce her. I have kids, like you, I made the commitment, but this is what it took for me to make it work.

 
As a male divorced and now remarried I learned a few things about myself that has made this marriage wonderful. I don't just love my wife I LIKE her. Not THINGS about her but WHO she is as a person. I know it sounds way to simple but it's true. I was way selfish in my 1st marriage and now I find myself not wanting to be this way because of how unselfish my wife is. FIND SOME ONE THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON. Not someone who is trying to change you but someone that cause the spark to ignite in you without forcing it. I adore my wife...she is beautiful in EVERY way a women could ever wish to be.

You ever see an old couple holding hands or looking at each other in a way that matters more than anything? I believe they have found the truth...they spent their life giving to each other and not taking. Give to the one you love....don't take. Support...don't put down. Be their biggest fan. ALLOW them to not be perfect. Expect less and enjoy when you get more...tell your spouse she/he is beautiful to you...every day. Look for the good and do not hunt down the bad. Grow old together and be thankful every day.

 
Seriously late in the game for this topic, but here goes anyway (finally got the 3 kids to bed, my elderly grandmother to bed, etc.). Marriage is work. Some. Serious. Hard. Work. I was always the "cut and run" girl. Things got bad, break off the relationship, and run off to the next one. The one saving grace for us, though, is there is no "escape clause" or "Plan B". We are married. Period. Come Hell or high water (sometimes both) we make it through. We have gone through a lot together. Dated in high school, got pissed at each other and fought for a few years. Dated in college, got pissed at each other for a few years. Then, we finally woke up and saw the good thing we have together. So, get married, and BAM. Two months later I am preggo. Then, when she turned one, I got preggo again. When our next little girl was exactly 6 weeks old, my grandfather (who raised me in absence of my own "father") was put on hospice. I was his caregiver (away from hubby with a 2 year old and 6 week old nursling) when hospice was not there. He died within 3 days. And, I fell apart. My husband (in his own weird, guy, awkward way) was there for me. Not exactly how I wanted him to be, but he did the best he knew how. I am thankful I have a mom and friends that point that out for me. Our second daughter turns 8 months old, and apparently we celebrate by getting pregnant with our now 10-month old son. Then, the beginning of this year, my husband has an emergency appendectomy, and two days later I am hauled away in an ambulance because of a second grand-mal seizure (first was in November 2011). A little less than a month later, we get hit with me being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. All of this has happened, and we will only have been married 5 years in September.

Now, on to other stuff. He can drive me absolutely batty sometimes. He loves antique cars. I could not care less about fixing up clunkers and going to car shows. I love to paint/decorate/sew/decorate/whatever. And, could not care less about that mess. And on, and on our differences go. RIght now (and over the past year or so since my Pa died), I have been in my hometown a lot taking care of family business (health-wise with my grandmother and with our construction company). I *know* my husband hates not seeing his children and wife at times...but, he tolerates it because he loves me. Just as I tolerate the idiosyncrasies and job-related stress he goes through....missing dinners for board meetings, planning committees, etc. He tolerates our dishes piled in the sink, clothes piling up to be washed...and, pitches in with these things even though I am a stay at home mommy because he knows that I want to put whatever energy I have towards our children. We compromise.

Yeah, marriage sometimes isn't all it's cracked out to be. Sometimes people aren't happy...but, it is not their husband/wife/partner's fault. Happiness is an inside job. Start there.

Sorry for the rant. I just feel like my husband and I (not to mention countless number of our friends) have weathered many storms. And, for the most part, well all of it I guess, it is me that wants to cut and run. Put up that wall...push people away before they can hurt me. And, thankfully for me, I was blessed with a stubborn and persistent and loving husband.

Hang in there (if you still are). It is work....very hard work. Just have to be willing and open and honest...and, throw pride out the window. There is no room for it in marriage.

Off soapbox now :blink:

 
Oh, you can. Just can't let that be a "secret in the back of my mind if the s hits the fan" option so you DON'T cut and run.

Cheating would be my only deal breaker.

 
It might..depends on how deep the cut and the speed used to run you over.

 
Haven't cut and run. We did separate for a month over the summer, but are back together. Can't say things are really better - but I'm dealing better. I'm working on my inner happiness and that has to count for something, right?

 
Boo Radley said:
Yep great thing about marriage is that you can't cut and run.
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I don't know Boo, the ex Mrs. Jewy sure cut her share of lines and then ran to the parking lot to service her dealer. Probably not exactly where you were going with that though! LOL And not nearly as funny as 99's post!

 
Well ...... What I meant was that its harder to split up legally and all. I've shacked up a couple times and when it was time to go I bailed. Now that I'm married ill have to work harder to leave. Hopefully that'll keep me from walking out. "Commitment Issues"

 
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