Marriage is not what I'd hoped

I impulsively got married a couple years ago and I'm miserable. I was sober at the time and then I relapsed, and now I seem to relapse every few months. Drugs seem to be the only escape. The problem is for some reason my wife likes me way more than I like her. I'm too chicken to divorce her, but being married I keep building up pressure until I go back to drugs because I'm so unhappy. Sorry for bitching I don't know what to do.

 
I know this is an old post but I must say when I see a wedding being set up, or a girl shopping for a wedding dress I can't help but say under my breath...... Don't do it!!!!

 
I’ve been married twice and I’ll never do it again. First was an abusive (emotional and mental...physical abuse was on the horizon) asshole, second was a narcissistic asshole (this dude literally had every single trait of a narcissist). 

Whenever people tell me they’re getting married, I immediately say “Make sure you really know who you’re marrying. Take the ‘rose-colored’ glasses off and see their true self. 

And yes, I’m bitter as hell! But so would you if you were married to these guys. Esp the 2nd ex-hubby. I just have zero faith in marriage. Both ex’s changed for the worse after marrying them. But there were warning signs before each marriage...I just chose to ignore them and leave those shit rose glasses on. Lol. But...those glasses got torched and will never be used again. 

I look at it this way: I have enough of my own problems & issues to deal with/worry about...I sure as hell don’t need anybody else’s.  

 
Under the law, marriage is a legal contract, at least in the U.S.   I don't want to be in a monetary legal contract ever again.  Look at what happens on here, even the vendors that you don't even know screw you over and I bet the women to men ratio for that is much higher. I"ve also been married twice and both were shit, but when my second husband died 3 years ago, realized how much I loved him.  He was verbally abusive and treated me like shit, but it's even worse having no one to help, no one to say good night to, no one to vacation with, someone to at least help minimally with the kids, especially someone to discuss your day with.  I also would never get married again, but a non-monetary companion would be nice.  I am only in mid-50s, I look passable, but in my heart of hearts, I know there will never be another man interested in me and I will have to live alone trying to fix lawnmowers and move furniture by myself till I die with no family or friends to help.  COVID sure hasn't helped at all.  More loneliness.   I swear I love my dog more than anyone I know.

 
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  1. st1ckyf1ng4z @ st1ckyf1ng4z: @MrFuszy broo big dawg chill out on posting shit like that on here you’re gonna catch a ban or even worse. be mindful of mentioning others’ names as well. be smarter
  2. L @ Layne_Cobain: @maoi thanks for the input tho I think I’d def go the route of using hcg if I do go w TrT
  3. L @ Layne_Cobain: @maoi nah no fear of needles and if it made me feel a lot better no fear of being on it long term as who knows if my t will even rebound after 5 years on methadone not sure if that’s the norm I hope so…the more I research the more it seems like the best choice is to just go for it with TrT rather than trying to “middle” with Enclomiphene especially now that i know it probably won’t work being on methadone altho I am tapering off 5 mg biweekly so that’ll take a while I’m at 95 now from 120
  4. moai @ moai: @Layne_Cobain the longer you’re on it without using HCG sometimes, (meaning years) the harder it will be to rebound if you do come off. But I’m with you, at only 22, I’ve abused myself to the point I may NEED trt. Not to mention all of the benefits
  5. moai @ moai: @Layne_Cobain You don’t seem it, but if you are the type that’s afraid of needles for life, don’t sweat it. I’m natty atm, but from what I hear A) you won’t want to come off and B) if you implement HCG every once in a while to your protocol, you have a better chance of being able to come off T completely and restore all (or most) of your natty production. Of course, no guarantees and it is dependent on the individual, genetics, compounds and duration of exposure, etc.
  6. L @ Layne_Cobain: @tiquanunderwood when you began the Enclomiphene, were you already off opiates? Cause after further research I don’t think it’ll even work while still on methadone…I think trt with hcg to preserve fertility and ball size is the way to go for me. I just wanna feel better. Thanks for your input on the matter btw
  7. aarons @ aarons: buddy lay that cr@ck pipe down, the weekend barely started
  8. Gulp2788 @ Gulp2788: what an odyssey of shoutbox madness! I love it
  9. L @ luquitoad: Hahahahaj
  10. L @ Layne_Cobain: I’ll have whatever this crazy sonofabitch is having 🥂
  11. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: I was pissed off though! Someone pulled a pistol on me so i was gona show him how much of a hoe i was by getting him out that house
  12. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Oh i actually still have the Police report on file somewherez you can see the tractor marks wjhere I just took out the fence and whatnot
  13. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: And the cops or the judge were halpy sbout that.
  14. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: I texted her and was ummm so i might have had a ooopsie but ij RL and like i know its been like ocer a year but it wasn't cuz i hated you or anything it was because i stole a skytrack forklift and demolished a house and hig 14 cars and knocked down a churches fence
  15. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Oh in mote news no one cares about, I finally talked to m6 chick who I said nothing too im 14months when i got locked up
  16. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Roughly 300, maybe more like 260 now
  17. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Lighters, 300 bars a melted snicks and hugging a bong
  18. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: You know you got fucked up wnen you wake up check your pockets and have 7li
  19. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Bro make it a triple ahot
  20. MrFuszy @ MrFuszy: Taqilla never silvers!
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