Marriage is not what I'd hoped

I impulsively got married a couple years ago and I'm miserable. I was sober at the time and then I relapsed, and now I seem to relapse every few months. Drugs seem to be the only escape. The problem is for some reason my wife likes me way more than I like her. I'm too chicken to divorce her, but being married I keep building up pressure until I go back to drugs because I'm so unhappy. Sorry for bitching I don't know what to do.

 
I know this is an old post but I must say when I see a wedding being set up, or a girl shopping for a wedding dress I can't help but say under my breath...... Don't do it!!!!

 
I’ve been married twice and I’ll never do it again. First was an abusive (emotional and mental...physical abuse was on the horizon) asshole, second was a narcissistic asshole (this dude literally had every single trait of a narcissist). 

Whenever people tell me they’re getting married, I immediately say “Make sure you really know who you’re marrying. Take the ‘rose-colored’ glasses off and see their true self. 

And yes, I’m bitter as hell! But so would you if you were married to these guys. Esp the 2nd ex-hubby. I just have zero faith in marriage. Both ex’s changed for the worse after marrying them. But there were warning signs before each marriage...I just chose to ignore them and leave those shit rose glasses on. Lol. But...those glasses got torched and will never be used again. 

I look at it this way: I have enough of my own problems & issues to deal with/worry about...I sure as hell don’t need anybody else’s.  

 
Under the law, marriage is a legal contract, at least in the U.S.   I don't want to be in a monetary legal contract ever again.  Look at what happens on here, even the vendors that you don't even know screw you over and I bet the women to men ratio for that is much higher. I"ve also been married twice and both were shit, but when my second husband died 3 years ago, realized how much I loved him.  He was verbally abusive and treated me like shit, but it's even worse having no one to help, no one to say good night to, no one to vacation with, someone to at least help minimally with the kids, especially someone to discuss your day with.  I also would never get married again, but a non-monetary companion would be nice.  I am only in mid-50s, I look passable, but in my heart of hearts, I know there will never be another man interested in me and I will have to live alone trying to fix lawnmowers and move furniture by myself till I die with no family or friends to help.  COVID sure hasn't helped at all.  More loneliness.   I swear I love my dog more than anyone I know.

 
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  1. L @ Layne_Cobain: Fetish
  2. xenxra @ xenxra: feet
  3. L @ Layne_Cobain: Carolina bro smh 🤦 I was so excited 2H last season Bryce rly looked like he found it but idk team around him is shit and o line they spent a bunch of money on hasn’t been good. Tet has been amazing tho
  4. L @ Layne_Cobain: I hear you man pulled between staying up and doing what I should hitting the pillow but usually stay up unless it’s a clunker and regret it when that alarm goes off
  5. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: Double header tonight. This is when I wish I was on the west coast. I work too early to stay up.
  6. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: Those divisional matchups can be tough @Layne_Cobain
  7. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: Layne who's your team again! Yeah it took us a quarter or two then it was on. The browns historically give us trouble too, even when they're dog shit and we have an all star team lol.
  8. J @ jjjjjjjjj: Hope everyone's week is off to a good start!
  9. L @ Layne_Cobain: @tiquanunderwood catch those games bro!!?? Your boys feasted haha and mine…they did not lol…looking forward to tonight’s DH
  10. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: Hope everyone's good and healthy!\
  11. J @ Jayplug77: Thinking of you today Moka. It’s been a hard one.
  12. Gracie5 @ Gracie5: RIP to a fellow 🐶 lover. Fill her page from Cal with love so her partner can see!
  13. D @ Dnels2015: How can we help her survivor?
  14. Y @ Yaugae5121: Oh no! That is horrible to hear that we lost the member of the community :-/ I hope their loved ones are doing OK. Rip </3
  15. Admin @ Admin: RIP @Mokachin0 you will be missed
  16. aarons @ aarons: @koznchaos Auto is in the Approved RC
  17. SeaDonkey @ SeaDonkey: Damn, sorry to hear about moka. Didn't know them well but it's always painful to hear an old name/memories move on
  18. C @ catechol-cola: @koznchaos they seldom stop by here
  19. K @ koznchaos: Where is autogen?
  20. L @ Layne_Cobain: RIP Moka in the short time we talked it wasn’t too difficult to realize what an incredible human being you were…. This just sucks…Rip 😢
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