Marriage is not what I'd hoped

I impulsively got married a couple years ago and I'm miserable. I was sober at the time and then I relapsed, and now I seem to relapse every few months. Drugs seem to be the only escape. The problem is for some reason my wife likes me way more than I like her. I'm too chicken to divorce her, but being married I keep building up pressure until I go back to drugs because I'm so unhappy. Sorry for bitching I don't know what to do.

 
I know this is an old post but I must say when I see a wedding being set up, or a girl shopping for a wedding dress I can't help but say under my breath...... Don't do it!!!!

 
I’ve been married twice and I’ll never do it again. First was an abusive (emotional and mental...physical abuse was on the horizon) asshole, second was a narcissistic asshole (this dude literally had every single trait of a narcissist). 

Whenever people tell me they’re getting married, I immediately say “Make sure you really know who you’re marrying. Take the ‘rose-colored’ glasses off and see their true self. 

And yes, I’m bitter as hell! But so would you if you were married to these guys. Esp the 2nd ex-hubby. I just have zero faith in marriage. Both ex’s changed for the worse after marrying them. But there were warning signs before each marriage...I just chose to ignore them and leave those shit rose glasses on. Lol. But...those glasses got torched and will never be used again. 

I look at it this way: I have enough of my own problems & issues to deal with/worry about...I sure as hell don’t need anybody else’s.  

 
Under the law, marriage is a legal contract, at least in the U.S.   I don't want to be in a monetary legal contract ever again.  Look at what happens on here, even the vendors that you don't even know screw you over and I bet the women to men ratio for that is much higher. I"ve also been married twice and both were shit, but when my second husband died 3 years ago, realized how much I loved him.  He was verbally abusive and treated me like shit, but it's even worse having no one to help, no one to say good night to, no one to vacation with, someone to at least help minimally with the kids, especially someone to discuss your day with.  I also would never get married again, but a non-monetary companion would be nice.  I am only in mid-50s, I look passable, but in my heart of hearts, I know there will never be another man interested in me and I will have to live alone trying to fix lawnmowers and move furniture by myself till I die with no family or friends to help.  COVID sure hasn't helped at all.  More loneliness.   I swear I love my dog more than anyone I know.

 
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  1. Ketmaster @ Ketmaster: Likewise
  2. J @ jjjjjjjjj: Wishing everyone a good and safe weekend!
  3. J @ jjjjjjjjj: @Logan9fingers Yw, made me very happy to see your username
  4. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: Lamar will be back Sunday! All our hopes are on him carrying us.
  5. tiquanunderwood @ tiquanunderwood: hope everyone has a safe weekend!
  6. L @ Logan9fingers: @jjjjjjjjj thanks man, I’ve been waiting forever for someone to het that reference
  7. O @ oh be g: Sorry could you double check now
  8. Ketmaster @ Ketmaster: I'm not seeing anything
  9. O @ oh be g: Ket mind checking ur dm when u get a sec got a question for ya not sure if ya can help
  10. kemdawg99 @ kemdawg99: Is bob from C's telegram here?
  11. Ketmaster @ Ketmaster: *exit scammed
  12. Ketmaster @ Ketmaster: So was I, they caught R but C dipped immediately bc people are saying he's still seeing their messages but not responding
  13. J @ jsntwg: So I was kind of friends with see for a while. We did a lot of work, but I’ve distance myself for safety reasons. Is it true? Did they catch up to them?
  14. Ketmaster @ Ketmaster: they were def not affiliated, I know for a fact C hated R, he literally told me that when I was a mod on his telegram
  15. Ketmaster @ Ketmaster: Bc he was likely next
  16. Ketmaster @ Ketmaster: both C and R's sites were on the same server, server OPSEC is what got R caught up so C panicked and exit scammed
  17. Ketmaster @ Ketmaster: @afrothunder C
  18. xenxra @ xenxra: no they're def not the same op. i think r just helped c bootstrap the storefront he was using
  19. T @ timyboy: If you actually ordered from R and C and emailed them you would know they are nothing alike
  20. xenxra @ xenxra: considering all the turmoil about right now, i feel obligated to mention that i had a discussion with auto last summer where he said he would be retiring within the next year or two. count your blessings before they're gone.
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