Marriage is not what I'd hoped

I impulsively got married a couple years ago and I'm miserable. I was sober at the time and then I relapsed, and now I seem to relapse every few months. Drugs seem to be the only escape. The problem is for some reason my wife likes me way more than I like her. I'm too chicken to divorce her, but being married I keep building up pressure until I go back to drugs because I'm so unhappy. Sorry for bitching I don't know what to do.

 
I know this is an old post but I must say when I see a wedding being set up, or a girl shopping for a wedding dress I can't help but say under my breath...... Don't do it!!!!

 
I’ve been married twice and I’ll never do it again. First was an abusive (emotional and mental...physical abuse was on the horizon) asshole, second was a narcissistic asshole (this dude literally had every single trait of a narcissist). 

Whenever people tell me they’re getting married, I immediately say “Make sure you really know who you’re marrying. Take the ‘rose-colored’ glasses off and see their true self. 

And yes, I’m bitter as hell! But so would you if you were married to these guys. Esp the 2nd ex-hubby. I just have zero faith in marriage. Both ex’s changed for the worse after marrying them. But there were warning signs before each marriage...I just chose to ignore them and leave those shit rose glasses on. Lol. But...those glasses got torched and will never be used again. 

I look at it this way: I have enough of my own problems & issues to deal with/worry about...I sure as hell don’t need anybody else’s.  

 
Under the law, marriage is a legal contract, at least in the U.S.   I don't want to be in a monetary legal contract ever again.  Look at what happens on here, even the vendors that you don't even know screw you over and I bet the women to men ratio for that is much higher. I"ve also been married twice and both were shit, but when my second husband died 3 years ago, realized how much I loved him.  He was verbally abusive and treated me like shit, but it's even worse having no one to help, no one to say good night to, no one to vacation with, someone to at least help minimally with the kids, especially someone to discuss your day with.  I also would never get married again, but a non-monetary companion would be nice.  I am only in mid-50s, I look passable, but in my heart of hearts, I know there will never be another man interested in me and I will have to live alone trying to fix lawnmowers and move furniture by myself till I die with no family or friends to help.  COVID sure hasn't helped at all.  More loneliness.   I swear I love my dog more than anyone I know.

 
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  1. xenxra @ xenxra: he left his phone number scribbled in a stall at the pub three blocks down
  2. aBBazaBBa123 @ aBBazaBBa123: @rockychoc How do I contact you?
  3. N @ NYStateofMind: @Alkazar I would try one of those easy online ones .. reddit gives useful info about that
  4. Alkazar @ Alkazar: @NYStateofMind I dont really have a history of abusing things, my docotr is just really stingy. I am thinking of switching.
  5. C @ Cheesus: Thanks xenxra
  6. xenxra @ xenxra: @Cheesus yeah, use snote
  7. P @ psychedpsych: Trump is cracking down….
  8. P @ psychedpsych: Hackers are the scum of the earth
  9. N @ NYStateofMind: so it was easy bc of my history
  10. N @ NYStateofMind: I didnt really tell him but he knew I needed a new script since my dr went to jail
  11. N @ NYStateofMind: @xenxra I was on Adderall since 15 years ago so my dr prescribed that w no problems and then when I lost my best friend my doctor rxed the valiums but
  12. C @ Cheesus: Temp.pm down for anyone else?
  13. xenxra @ xenxra: @NYStateofMind my doctor's have always been pretty open minded if i can actually come in and explain the pharmacological action of the drugs im seeking instead of just telling them why i think i should be prescribed. the only time it didn't work out for me is when i was trying pharmaceuticals for depression ten years ago and suggested they let me try testosterone instead (turns out i was hypogonadal so they made a mistake denying my request at face value)
  14. T @ Testisthebest: Even down here in Florida when the pill mill docs all switched over to Suboxone and/or retired you can still find some pretty liberal docs but you gotta know what to look for. Mine does "pain management, detox, anxiety,etc. And no insurance. My doc writes me 60 5mg Valium, 14 2mg Xanax and asked if I had ever tried adderal to get more focus at work as I told him I run my own business.
  15. N @ NYStateofMind: @Alkazar do they know your history? Like I dont tell my doctor anything about myself except what they need to know,...I was able to get my dr to rx the highest dose of adderall along with valiums ..... if they dont know your history or there is no history I would just come out and ask what is the reason for their mistreatment.... they have no problem billing your insurance or taking a payment for the visit
  16. T @ Turbo259: @Layne_Cobain Thank you fam
  17. Alkazar @ Alkazar: It is INSANE how doctors treat tax paying hard working people like criminals when they ask for opioids. This world just keeps getting more and more backwards. But thanks to this site to be able to find people to help when no one in the medical world will.
  18. L @ Layne_Cobain: Hang in there @Turbo259 life can be such a Fkn sludge prayers and good vibes to you and your loved ones 🙏 ❤️
  19. xenxra @ xenxra: NO ADVERTISING IN THE SHOUTBOX!!!!!
  20. T @ Turbo259: just a thank you to all here on the forum, i liekly wont be posting much, too much shit goin on in life RN and really having a hard go of handling it, trying to detach myself al little bit and change things up, i will be back, i am not gone, and i will be here to ride with DBG fam forever, i appreciate you all, all i can ask from everyone, here, chatbox, shoot me a message, please just pray, we need prayers and gods hand to help...appreciate you all and thank you to my fam...blessings
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