Marriage is not what I'd hoped

[Maybesomeday]

Did someone say irish hellion?

I know not of any other kind if Irish /default_wink.png

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[DGSB0708]

Outa Colorado?  Can't think of the song.  Title?  I'll look it up.

Yep, that's them... title is Bittersweet, lol.

S-

 

[Guest]

I know not of any other kind if Irish /default_wink.png

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125% here.....imjustsayin. U?

 

[Jewbacca]

I know not of any other kind if Irish /default_wink.png

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125% here.....imjustsayin. U?

Having spent a great deal of time as a kid with 4' 11" of sheer Irish terror in the form of my grandmother, I can assure you, there is NO other kind of Irish!

 

[Guest]

If I said my full name, with middle and confirmation names included, you would laugh.......something like mary catherine gallagher o'malley

 

[Guest]

And God bless your g'ma

 

[Jewbacca]

If I said my full name, with middle and confirmation names included, you would laugh.......something like mary catherine gallagher o'malley

And God bless your g'ma

LOL, my grandmother's maiden name was Dorothy Eileen O'Gorman! /default_biggrin.png

 

[Guest]

Yep! A glorious Mick lady indeed!

 

[Deleted member 7898]

Damn I can relate Cat, I just posted about my husband not having sex with me making up stupid excuses but then I find all these porn sites on his history, I don't want a second failed marriage, been cleaning, cooking new things for him, don't know what to do! I'm 46 and don't want to go through the whole dating game thing again, don't want a third time is the charm! Any advice on how you are doing it or making it? Thanks in advance! Lee

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[Guest]

Heavenlee, my best advice to you is get out.i saw on your other post that he hit you. I know you want to fix him but go stay somewhere else while he gets help. If he does not get help dont go back. That is the best advice i can give you. Love ya girl!

 

[Estamijn]

Yes

 

[dave2002]

once a hitter always a hitter, get out soon.I know it isn't easy but you should create a plan and leave.People have to fix themselves you can't do it for him.

 

[nickiean]

If they hit you once they will do it again. 30 yrs as a phychiatric nurse

 

[bdl]

Agreed. Once a hand is lifted it's game over. Your worth more than that.

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[Allhoney75]

Just wondering if anyone is out there with advice on how to make a relationship better or how to survive getting out. Not ready to talk this out with real life friends, so figured I'd start here.

Funny, I'd rather be married than single. You can split the bills, have someone there with you all the time etc. I dunno....being single isn't all that great either. The dating scene is horrible and nobody seems to be serious these days.

 

[Silver Shadow]

My husband and I have separated 3 times during our 15 yrs of marriage. The second time we got back together purely for the sake kf our daughter and it didn't take long for us to start hating eachother. The 3rd time I actually filed for divorce and had a relationship for 3 months. Going that far really made me think and when my hubby and I actually stopped fighting long enough to talk we realized we still really loved eachother. I think the biggest thing that tore us apart was expectations. Me expecting him to make me feel good about myself. Thinking that the lack of bedroom relations was because of him not being attracted to me anymore and him expecting me to leave him alone when he needed his space and not understanding that I just wanted to spend time with him. When we learned to compromise and not put pressure on eachother for those things we got along great. Ive learned to be happy with myself no matter how he treats me and ive also learned that a kiss a hug or a touch goes a long way. No man wants to sleep with a wife whos constantly nagging and bitching. When I give him his space hes a very nice pleasant person to be around. So my advice. Stop expecting so much out of eachother and maybe try actually leaving. Maybe you both really need some time apart. Good luck.

 

[Silver Shadow]

Oh I just saw that he hit you..hellll no. Leave!!! The bf I had hit me in the face and that is what started me thinking about my husband again. Not once has my husband ever laid a hand on me. Nor would he ever. There is never a good excuse for that crap. Ever!!!

 

[Allhoney75]

Sorry, I just saw the hitting part too.....let him step honey. It's never gonna stop.

 

[Bloom]

Silver Shadow,

I posted earlier under the "So I'm getting a Divorce" thread....so maybe I have divorce on my brain today. I think your advice about marriage is quite accurate. And it's admirable to separate and reconnect several times - and find the root cause of the tension. My therapist told me yesterday the success to a long term healthy marriage is staying interested in each other. She cited a study that monitored married couples and their response to things like, "Come look at this pretty bird." If the partner came to look at it, and showed interest, they were more likely to stay coupled. However, if the partner showed no interest in viewing the "pretty bird" it translated to not showing interest in his/her partner. Which ultimately led to the demise of marriage and the uncoupling process.

From my experience, married 11-years and recently divorced, my former spouse (herein referred to as douchebag) - never showed interest in my opinions (actually he was quite the contrarian), my feelings, my day...he just liked being married to the image of a beautiful, intelligent woman. He loved my image - not me. And when our first daughter was born...four years after being married, the withdrawal process began. Because now I was a SAHM - and that image of a beautiful, intelligent woman diminished quickly and was replaced by an overtired, distracted Mommy. Our second daughter was conceived IUI because sex/intimacy became unnecessary. So while I was home with a newborn and a two-year old (born 2-years and 5-days apart), douchebag accepted a job in NYC (we live in GA), played tennis on the weekends, napped, zoned the fuck-out....but was definitely not present or involved in family life.

And that Asian Bride thread - God! Reminds me soooo much of me....always trying to work harder, never asked for "self" time, managed and organized his family and home life so he wasn't burdened with any decisions, prepared homemade meals 3X a day, paid all the bills, did all the errands, never nagged....but he withdrew more and more. He had complete freedom. In the year 2012, based on phone records, he called me 26 times - and he worked in NYC!!! He said he didn't like to call because I always "bitched" about my day! When in reality, I was just sharing my day - and if I wasn't blowing Sunshine out my ass he considered comments like, "I brought the dogs to the Vet today and the girls were really hyper in the waiting room," as being overtly negative.

After our children were born, we could just never connect at any level. And I did try over and over to communicate with him - but vacant stares were all I received.

"But I got a blank space baby, and I'll write your name!"

Bloom

 

[Alfapharm]

We have a saying in my country that a woman is marrying hoping that the man will change, and the man is marrying hoping that the woman will not change.

Obviously none of them receives what he/she was expecting