Marriage is not what I'd hoped

[Maybesomeday]

Yes'm. Love that snotty cat Avatar, BTW. Just no magic, anymore?

I think I only thought the magic was there to begin with...

I am still hoping for a Dharma and Greg kind of marriage. Third time's the charm, they say...

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[99 Luftballons]

I think I only thought the magic was there to begin with...

I am still hoping for a Dharma and Greg kind of marriage. Third time's the charm, they say...

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I wanna be your future 3rd x-husband! /default_wub.png :wub:

 

[99 Luftballons]

All joking aside... I loved being married. It was more than I hoped for. I was a better person because of her love...I love the "idea" of total commitment...yeah its over now but I am so thankful for the time I had with her. She is a wonderful person...blessed am I that she allowed me to bask in the warmth of her love...even if it was just for a moment.

Some would say I should be jaded due to the lose of this love...but I am not! I am ever hopeful that love will finds its way to me as the fragrance of of a blossom finds its way to a bee. She is out there...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=1AJmKkU5POA

 

[Maybesomeday]

I don't think I'm jaded. I just think I married the wrong person. It happens, you know?

I'm all for love. I'm all for total commitment.

But I'm also tired of being married to a selfish, misogynistic boy. I don't need nor want someone playing dictator over me. That doesn't fly with me.

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[Jewbacca]

I don't think I'm jaded. I just think I married the wrong person. It happens, you know?

I'm all for love. I'm all for total commitment.

But I'm also tired of being married to a selfish, misogynistic boy. I don't need nor want someone playing dictator over me. That doesn't fly with me.

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Amen. I felt the same way about the former Mrs. Jewbacca, although in her case, it wasn't misogynistic, dictatorial behavior as much as it was her inability to keep her pants on in the back seat of strange men's vehicles.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but that was a bit of an issue for me. /default_biggrin.png

 

[Maybesomeday]

Amen. I felt the same way about the former Mrs. Jewbacca, although in her case, it wasn't misogynistic, dictatorial behavior as much as it was her inability to keep her pants on in the back seat of strange men's vehicles.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but that was a bit of an issue for me. /default_biggrin.png

Ha. Would be for me, too.

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[DGSB0708]

I don't think I'm jaded. I just think I married the wrong person. It happens, you know?

I'm all for love. I'm all for total commitment.

But I'm also tired of being married to a selfish, misogynistic boy. I don't need nor want someone playing dictator over me. That doesn't fly with me.

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You should be tired of it.  Marriage is a partnership of equality.... in love, lust, tough times, great times, decision making, household chores, outside chores, how money is spent, etc.  Communication is one key but the most important thing I think in making a marriage work is mutual respect and the ability to work out your problems as no marriage is problem free.  (Until one spouse rents the wood chipper that is /default_wink.png ).  K, joke aside... if you are attracted physically, connect emotionally, have that mutual respect for each other's thoughts and opinions, even if you disagree with them sometimes, you have the rock solid foundation to build a fantastic marriage upon.  Truth be told, that is hard to accomplish and takes restraint and the willingness to compromise and pick your battles carefully.  My first wife (Lucifer's first born) was a total cluster F*.  Liar, cheat and thief... only good things that came out of that were my three beautiful daughters (yeah, while I didn't go on Maury, I did have them all DNA tested and all are mine) and the ability to recognize what I didn't want in a marriage.  The second time around, now 13 years married (or 12 depending on how you look at it as we got married in St. Lucia and on our 1st wedding anniversary we got married again in LV)... I hit the jackpot. 

If you have truly put in the work it takes to make a good run and it doesn't pan out, it's OK.  There is no shame in tossing it in and getting back out there to look for the one you will spend the rest of your life with (even if you don't officially get married).  I know... long post, sorry.  Just my take on this.  S-

 

[Guest]

Love it S. Perfectly stated!

 

[Guest]

Some of us are not meant to be married. Methinks I am one.

 

[Jewbacca]

Some of us are not meant to be married. Methinks I am one.

Me knows that I'm a member of that club!

 

[Guest]

....bump.....aint no bady got time fo dat

 

[Maybesomeday]

I'm probably a member of that club. Who knows.

I'd probably consider remarrying or even recommitting to my first husband. We connect on every level - he is my match in every way. We got married at the wrong time in our lives - and our respective worlds came crashing down around us soon after we married (not because we got married) It was too much for us to handle as individuals - and we ended up going off the rails in every way. We still have regular conversations and see each other when we can. We don't say "I love you" anymore, but there still is love there.

Life is crazy sometimes.

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[Jewbacca]

I'm probably a member of that club. Who knows.

I'd probably consider remarrying or even recommitting to my first husband. We connect on every level - he is my match in every way. We got married at the wrong time in our lives - and our respective worlds came crashing down around us soon after we married (not because we got married) It was too much for us to handle as individuals - and we ended up going off the rails in every way. We still have regular conversations and see each other when we can. We don't say "I love you" anymore, but there still is love there.

Life is crazy sometimes.

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That's awesome that you have an enduring connection with your 1st husband. Seriously. The only thing my ex-wife inspires in me is an overwhelming desire to shove her in front of a moving train. /default_ph34r.png

 

[Maybesomeday]

That's awesome that you have an enduring connection with your 1st husband. Seriously. The only thing my ex-wife inspires in me is an overwhelming desire to shove her in front of a moving train. /default_ph34r.png

It took a while to get past the hurt we caused one another. But let's just say our "current" partners are not fond of the undeniable connection we share.

I would t like it either, I guess.

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[bluesman008]

Many of us are full of unreasonable expectations.  If you take vows, probably oughta do your best to keep them. This not a dime store romance nor some silly movie.  This is life.  I am the alpha male, but that's not license to kill.  I try to never stop doing the things that earn me that position.  I work hard at building on that gut level love thing that caught me in the first place.  Primarily to learn and grow spiritually.  /default_wub.png

She surrenders to that same power and love arrangement.  If I wasn't the sort that she could trust and surrender to, she be with somebody else or her girlfriend, or alone.  She's no mouse.  She's a full grown, fine ass, full blooded Irish hellion.  She works hard to keep us in a state of grace.  My wife is not stupid.  Some time, years back, one of my old convenience stops called my house and told Mrs. I had left some clothes at her house.  Mrs Bluesman said, "Well they better be clean & pressed before he comes to retrieve them.  He likes his stuff to look just right.  Let me know when you get them from the cleaners, and I'll tell him."   /default_laugh.png When I got home she was tapping her foot... /default_angry.png but it was all a lie.

All that being said If either of us falls out of grace or love, then it's time to let go.  Honesty is the key.  Insight comes from experience, both bitter & sweet.  I might get a handle on it after another 20 years.  I am blessed thus far.

 

[Maybesomeday]

I agree, marriage is not to be taken lightly. But if only one person cares, it's kind of difficult to make things work.

So I can see both sides of it...

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[Smokeyjoe]

Some of us are not meant to be married. Methinks I am one.

That's awesome that you have an enduring connection with your 1st husband. Seriously. The only thing my ex-wife inspires in me is an overwhelming desire to shove her in front of a moving train. /default_ph34r.png

I agree with you Cat.

My younger brother falls in that category.

I see friends that just should not be together and they both seem unhappy and all can see how they treat each other with indifference and they they just don't mesh.

Friends that got married right out of high school or just after graduating from college seem to have the most issues. They were too young to have had sufficient experiences before they hooked up with someone that they didn't know was not quite right for them.

As you get older your ideas about things and people change, it's normal, and when one or both people in a relationship change it's not fair or good to be miserable and stay in the situation. No one should be miserable and unhappy.

That's obvious from Jewys comment /default_smile.png.

For me I got lucky and found someone who adds to my life and makes me a better person and at the same time accepts me for who I am, faults and all, and what I might smoke all the time. After 13 years we still have not had a big fight or stayed mad at each other for more then a day or so. But we met and married when I was in my 30s and I was well past playing around and kind of knew the sort of person I wanted to be with.

One that doesnt care that I smoke MJ but doesn't smoke herself is just frosting on an already very good cake too /default_smile.png.

 

[DGSB0708]

Many of us are full of unreasonable expectations.  If you take vows, probably oughta do your best to keep them. This not a dime store romance nor some silly movie.  This is life.  I am the alpha male, but that's not license to kill.  I try to never stop doing the things that earn me that position.  I work hard at building on that gut level love thing that caught me in the first place.  Primarily to learn and grow spiritually.  /default_wub.png

She surrenders to that same power and love arrangement.  If I wasn't the sort that she could trust and surrender to, she be with somebody else or her girlfriend, or alone.  She's no mouse.  She's a full grown, fine ass, full blooded Irish hellion.  She works hard to keep us in a state of grace.  My wife is not stupid.  Some time, years back, one of my old convenience stops called my house and told Mrs. I had left some clothes at her house.  Mrs Bluesman said, "Well they better be clean & pressed before he comes to retrieve them.  He likes his stuff to look just right.  Let me know when you get them from the cleaners, and I'll tell him."   /default_laugh.png When I got home she was tapping her foot... /default_angry.png but it was all a lie.

All that being said If either of us falls out of grace or love, then it's time to let go.  Honesty is the key.  Insight comes from experience, both bitter & sweet.  I might get a handle on it after another 20 years.  I am blessed thus far.

Don't want to go off track but your post reminds me of a song by Big Head Todd & The Monsters.  BM008, if you are familiar with them you will know which I mean.  S-  PS>  sorry for the temporary derailment.

 

[Guest]

Did someone say irish hellion?

 

[bluesman008]

Don't want to go off track but your post reminds me of a song by Big Head Todd & The Monsters.  BM008, if you are familiar with them you will know which I mean.  S-  PS>  sorry for the temporary derailment.

Outa Colorado?  Can't think of the song.  Title?  I'll look it up.