Men, Dating And Sex?

[Allhoney75]

I haven't forgot about this thread. Just still out here dating and trying to sort things out. Maybe I should just give up but I really am tired of being alone. I met one fella who was respectful but poor guy talked about his ex on every date. Nobody wants to hear about an ex in the first stages of dating! If they are not asking for sex then they are hung up on ex's. Sheesh.

Let me address some things....

I didn't mean to make it sound like all men are after sex. I know there are some wonderful respectful guys out there who want more....unfortunately for me they are usually married or in relationships. Good for them and the lucky gal who got them. Yes there are many women who want nothing more than sex as well. It would be nice if the people who want more came into contact more often with other people who want more and the sex addicts all crossed paths with each other....but that's only in a perfect world.

Many are surprised that men are asking for blowjobs/handjobs on the first, second or third date. Things have definitely changed. In the world of online dating, many send pictures of their penises upon initial contact as if you are supposed to be flattered.... Like what the hell! It's the sickest thing ever. I've been asked by men after a second date to send them pictures of me playing with myself.....oh yeah..... bold as ever!

There's a small piece of me holding on but most of me just can't believe anymore.

It's getting tiring say no, can we wait or I'm not ready, yet at the same time, so tiring being alone.

I've been told to just settle or trick him into getting you pregnant but this all goes against my better judgement and who I am as a person....I hope the right one is close by somewhere and that we meet soon.

 

[Roger]

Oh Honey... You know better than to "settle"! I am in the same boat... testing the waters.

You are probably younger than I but what I think is a basic numbers problem. The pool is simply smaller for middle aged women (and men!). It was so much easier when I was young(er) because there were tons of guys from which to choose. Too bad I chose the the wrong one!

I've actually had this conversation in RL with men. They too say it isn't easy finding a compatible woman once we hit a certain age...45-55 age category. I've been told men meet women who are looking for someone to take care of them; they will post online photos which are ten years old then look NOTHING like that when meeting face to face.; and yes, some are only interested in sex. So yes, it does go both ways.

And online dating is a shark tank but it is the way of the world now. Plus, where are we going to meet people otherwise? I guess I could "take a class" or "join a club" lol but I'm tired after work! Ha! Lazy on my part I suppose. I am not active on a dating site now because I needed a break.

Are you on multiple sites, Honey? Maybe try a different one if you aren't meeting the right kind of guys. I really think paid sites are better than free ones but that's just me. Also, there is actually a dating advisor (not affiliated with a particular site) who will help you polish your profile. The one I'm thinking of is geared towards those of us who are on our second time around. I can give you the name of it if you are interested. All kinds of good advice about meeting a "quality man". They have weekly group calls to talk about different issues; a FB page... Lots of good stuff. I joined for a short while prior to taking my online dating break.

Like you, I'm cut out to be in a relationship. I am the "marrying kind" as they say. But, the longer I am single, the more comfortable I am with it. I used to miss cooking big family meals but now I love not having to worry about eating a bag of popcorn for dinner! I don't have to wash anyone else's clothes or share the remote control. It quiet but kind of nice.

I have been in an "on again/off again" long distance relationship and it is growing on me. Not so bad to have the week to myself then companionship on the weekends. Maybe I am settling? I don't know. I always thought I would remarry but it won't happen if I stay with this person. I do care for him and he is good to me but not interested in getting married. So, I struggle with "do I stay or do I go"?

When I first married the ex, I felt sorry for all of the other women in the world because they were not married to him. That's the truth! Obviously that changed but I question if I will ever feel that kind of intense love ever again. I think time and experience has hardened me just a bit. Maybe that is a GOOD thing!

Hang in there Honey. I'm sure you would never settle but just think about this scenario... Settled with someone who is just so-so and now you have a baby with him? Recipe for misery.

It will happen. I try to remember to have FUN vs looking for a mate. It is easier both the relationship and my emotions.

 

[Mr. Crowley]

Honey, don't give up. I know it is cliche, but it will happen when you least expect it. And definitely don't get pregnant or settle!!! However, it's hard to define "settling". Try to be self-aware, introspective. Are your standards to high? Are you letting minor things bother you and therefore pushing otherwise good guys aside? I'm not talking about the dick pic jokers of course. Anyway, hang in there.

 

[Mr. Crowley]

"When I first married the ex, I felt sorry for all of the other women in the world because they were not married to him. That's the truth!"

Roger, I'd like to think that my wife feels that way, but having a family and a busy life really does put pressure on a marriage. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for the world.

 

[Roger]

"When I first married the ex, I felt sorry for all of the other women in the world because they were not married to him. That's the truth!"

Roger, I'd like to think that my wife feels that way, but having a family and a busy life really does put pressure on a marriage. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for the world.

OMG you are SO right! As much as I love my kids, raising them put a huge strain on our marriage. Plus we owned a business so add that in and it equals pressure.

That said, I'm sure she does feel that way about you, Mr. C. If you have half of the manners and personality in RL as you do here then she did well!

 

[Allhoney75]

I've always credited my difficulty with dating due to how I was raised. My parents had me late or in other words, I was a change in life kid. My siblings are an entire generation older than I am. My parents were born in the 30s so they were teens in the 50s. So they basically raised me with their values....nothing wrong with that at all BUT try dating in this society with 50s values and that becomes a problem. This has haunted me my entire dating life and I've tried to shake up those values but it's almost as if they are set in stone. My dad always said let the gentleman ask you out, never pursue a man. A gentleman would never ask to keep company with a woman he just met and dare not ask for sex.....well if you are out there dating, you can see the rules have changed quite a bit. I sometimes wish I was as aggressive and nonchalant as many women are these days but I just can't do it. It's not me.

So being a little too conservative has made dating difficult for me. I'd say within the last 3 years it really dawned on my parents just how much the scene had changed.

My siblings who are in their late 50s are all married but they came along when things were still pretty calm. The 70s were definitely a time of change but there were still some time honored traditions that were in place then so they fared way better.

I do appreciate all of the encouragement though. Sometimes a little pep talk is good. Maybe he is out there, around the corner....who knows. At this point its hard not to be a little pessimistic but I try to stay as positive as I can.

I was once scolded by a friend because she said I was letting guys waste my time and that I should try dating 3 and 4 guys at once. Maybe she is right but like Roger said, I'm the settling down type so I want to get to know you and dating 3 and 4 guys at once is confusing. I have gotten better over time. About a year ago I was consistently dating a guy who was 4 years out of a divorce. On every date and phone call he talked about his ex wife and just couldn't understand why he was divorced or why the marriage failed. Really nice fella, I might add and our chemistry was great! I said I would give him 3 weeks and if he kept on about his divorce I was going to move on. 3 weeks came and I went. So I am getting better and starting to step up to guys more. I am on 2 dating sites......match and zoosk so we shall see.

 

[TealGreen]

Zoosk is the worst one honey! My friend is on there and the things she sees. She sends me some of the pics and all I can say is 😳.

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[Allhoney75]

Zoosk is the worst one honey! My friend is on there and the things she sees. She sends me some of the pics and all I can say is .Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm totally agreeing about Zoosk and Match isn't that far behind. It's a sad sad world out there in online dating. Sometimes I'm totally speechless.... Lol.

 

[TealGreen]

One of the only ones I've had luck with is match. I met someone on there that I dated for three years. In my opinion, the worst one is plentyoffish. I've encountered some real weirdos on there.

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[2earls]

I just heard about the "Bagel meets Coffee" dating app on Shark Tank. Might just be major metro areas, but it's geared towards women. If I were single, I might check it out!

 

[TealGreen]

I just heard about the "Bagel meets Coffee" dating app on Shark Tank. Might just be major metro areas, but it's geared towards women. If I were single, I might check it out!

I'm gonna have to check this out STAT.

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[Mr. Crowley]

I just heard about the "Bagel meets Coffee" dating app on Shark Tank. Might just be major metro areas, but it's geared towards women. If I were single, I might check it out!

Are the guys the bagel or the coffee?

 

[2earls]

They are the bagel, strangely enough!

 

[Allhoney75]

I just heard about the "Bagel meets Coffee" dating app on Shark Tank. Might just be major metro areas, but it's geared towards women. If I were single, I might check it out!

Certainly will. Thanks

 

[Mr. Crowley]

They are the bagel, strangely enough!

Hmm, maybe because women are hot! 😊

 

[Allhoney75]

One of the only ones I've had luck with is match. I met someone on there that I dated for three years. In my opinion, the worst one is plentyoffish. I've encountered some real weirdos on there.

th

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Holy crap! Plenty of Fish...I nicknamed it Plenty of Shit! My friend convinced me to join and that was the worst online dating site EVER! I've never met so many men who could not carry on a conversation, married men trying to creep, men treating you like a whore and the list goes on. It's like all the weirdos go there just because it's free and they don't want to put any effort into anything. I met a guy on there who at first was really super nice. We went to a football game on our second date and I really loved it. I thought now this is what I'm talking about. Then after the game we got in his SUV to head home and then he looked at me and told me he wanted to rip my clothes off and phuck me right there. I demanded him to take me home. I felt violated....it was awful, especially after having such fun at the football game.

I think I was on POS for like 2 weeks and called it quits. OK Cupid is no different!

 

[Bloom]

Allhoney!

Great balls of fire! What a horrible experience. One moment you're feeling safe, relaxed - your guard is down and you're enjoying the moment - and then creepy! I mean, why couldn't he have just said, "I find you very attractive and enjoy spending time with you." Surely that would've provided a better outcome than "I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you." What a let down!!

One thing to consider is whether you're emitting some vibe toward men that provokes them? I'm a girl - so trust me - I'm not blaming you or accusing you of being a prick tease - at all!!!! But, if you come off confident, straightforward, outgoing - maybe men think you can handle (or even prefer) their directness? You don't sound desperate to me, so I doubt that's the vibe. Maybe next time you meet a nice guy and get to the second or third date - tackle the situation beforehand by telling him you're interested, but need to develop a mental/intellectual connection before becoming physically intimate. This will either weed out the losers or set expectations for the good guys. Just random advice....I'm not exactly a seasoned dater!

I don't know anything about the legality of mace or pepper spray - but if you're out there actively dating you may want to carry something in your handbag that will add another layer of protection - should you need it. When I was in my early 20's I knew several people who were slipped "roofies" (I think that's what they're called -- the date rape drug)....including my boyfriend at the time (though I think it was meant for me and we inadvertently switched drinks) multiple acquaintances and I was slipped something while I was on a date (though I don't think my date was the one who actually spiked my drink). It's been over a decade since I dated but I imagine not much has changed regarding the availability or use of date rape drugs.

Dating sites! Oi Vey! I created a Match account in November and KNOW I signed up for the 3-month option. After many ridiculous Talk Match messages and one bad experience I decided to cancel my subscription. Match had me signed up for 6-months at $120.00 and will NOT reimburse the unused portion. I guess I should've read the fine print! In addition, my DB ex-husband is on Match (awkward) AND even though I cancelled my account I'm still being barraged with emails from Match with "Daily Matches" and apparently my profile is still visible because I'm receiving winks and member messages, too. It's all such a scam - drives me nuts!!!!

My therapist told me about a local club that hosts events - and you can pick and choose which activities you want to participate in based on your interests. I don't recall the name but she was very anti-Match.com and recommended this group as a better alternative to meeting people. She had a lot of good things to say about it - I'll ask her what the group is called and PM you the information.

Good luck out there AllHoney. Stay safe!

Bloom

 

[Mr. Crowley]

Allhoney!

Great balls of fire! What a horrible experience. One moment you're feeling safe, relaxed - your guard is down and you're enjoying the moment - and then creepy! I mean, why couldn't he have just said, "I find you very attractive and enjoy spending time with you." Surely that would've provided a better outcome than "I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you." What a let down!!

One thing to consider is whether you're emitting some vibe toward men that provokes them? I'm a girl - so trust me - I'm not blaming you or accusing you of being a prick tease - at all!!!! But, if you come off confident, straightforward, outgoing - maybe men think you can handle (or even prefer) their directness? You don't sound desperate to me, so I doubt that's the vibe. Maybe next time you meet a nice guy and get to the second or third date - tackle the situation beforehand by telling him you're interested, but need to develop a mental/intellectual connection before becoming physically intimate. This will either weed out the losers or set expectations for the good guys. Just random advice....I'm not exactly a seasoned dater!

I don't know anything about the legality of mace or pepper spray - but if you're out there actively dating you may want to carry something in your handbag that will add another layer of protection - should you need it. When I was in my early 20's I knew several people who were slipped "roofies" (I think that's what they're called -- the date rape drug)....including my boyfriend at the time (though I think it was meant for me and we inadvertently switched drinks) multiple acquaintances and I was slipped something while I was on a date (though I don't think my date was the one who actually spiked my drink). It's been over a decade since I dated but I imagine not much has changed regarding the availability or use of date rape drugs.

Dating sites! Oi Vey! I created a Match account in November and KNOW I signed up for the 3-month option. After many ridiculous Talk Match messages and one bad experience I decided to cancel my subscription. Match had me signed up for 6-months at $120.00 and will NOT reimburse the unused portion. I guess I should've read the fine print! In addition, my DB ex-husband is on Match (awkward) AND even though I cancelled my account I'm still being barraged with emails from Match with "Daily Matches" and apparently my profile is still visible because I'm receiving winks and member messages, too. It's all such a scam - drives me nuts!!!!

My therapist told me about a local club that hosts events - and you can pick and choose which activities you want to participate in based on your interests. I don't recall the name but she was very anti-Match.com and recommended this group as a better alternative to meeting people. She had a lot of good things to say about it - I'll ask her what the group is called and PM you the information.

Good luck out there AllHoney. Stay safe!

Bloom

OMG, I'm sorry, but I can't help but laugh at you being matched with your ex. That's too funny/sad.

 

[TealGreen]

There's an app called meetme and once you install and sign up for it, you can join different groups in your area. They have everything from local singles to hiking groups to cooking classes or whatever your interests are. Then it'll list all the activities they have going on in your calendar. I joined a bunch of different groups back in November but I haven't actually gone to any events or activities yet. I really like the idea cause it gets you out there so that you can meet others with similar interests without the pressures of dating.

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[Suzie]

I haven't done any online dating because I couldn't stand the hit and miss of it.  One bad experience and it would take me a long time to recover.   But I am intrigued with speed dating... I just love the idea and I can stand anyone for just a few minutes.  Plus I have a good gut instinct in the first few minutes of meeting someone so I just have to build up the nerve to do it.