Men, Dating And Sex?

[TealGreen]

I guess I'm the type you guys are describing above. I'm friends with almost every ex but I keep it at strictly friends. After all, they are exes for a reason.

My whole take on this is that just because it didn't work out romantically doesn't mean they aren't a good person/friend. If a relationship ended badly or they did me wrong, well those ones definitely haven't continued to be a part of my life.

I have an ex from over ten years ago who I've remained friends with over the years and he's turned out to be a huge blessing to me. I made the mistake of getting pregnant by a total asshole who promptly got someone else pregnant when I was 6 months in. I don't look at the result as a mistake obviously as I love my son so much and he's my life. Anyway, my ex stepped in and was by my side while I was pregnant and he's very involved with my son who is now 4. My son doesn't know his sperm donor but my ex spends almost every other weekend with him. (Just day trips, no overnight stays yet) They are so close. He helps me out with clothes and anything else my son needs. My son does not look at him as a father figure, more like the fun uncle. I'd like to point out that I have not once been romantically or sexually involved with this guy since way before my son was born. And in fact, he drives me nuts because our personalities clash. I can only take him in small doses but he dotes on my son and I appreciate him so much for that.

And I'm sure someone here is probably thinking "why would a guy who isn't the child's father take such an interest?" Or "he's probably molesting that child". (Of course I've heard these too many times to count) No. He's in his early forties and would really love a family but he just hasn't met that right person. I think my son helps him as much as the other way around. He truly enjoys taking my son to disneyland, the beach, chuck e cheese, etc. He just likes to spoil him and make him happy.

Okay sorry for going on a tangent. I guess I just wanted to point out why I personally keep in touch with a lot my exes. It's not cause I can't let go, I just like valuable people in my life and just because they're an ex boyfriend shouldn't automatically disqualify them.


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[2earls]

I guess I'm the type you guys are describing above. I'm friends with almost every ex but I keep it at strictly friends. After all, they are exes for a reason.

My whole take on this is that just because it didn't work out romantically doesn't mean they aren't a good person/friend. If a relationship ended badly or they did me wrong, well those ones definitely haven't continued to be a part of my life.

I have an ex from over ten years ago who I've remained friends with over the years and he's turned out to be a huge blessing to me. I made the mistake of getting pregnant by a total asshole who promptly got someone else pregnant when I was 6 months in. I don't look at the result as a mistake obviously as I love my son so much and he's my life. Anyway, my ex stepped in and was by my side while I was pregnant and he's very involved with my son who is now 4. My son doesn't know his sperm donor but my ex spends almost every other weekend with him. (Just day trips, no overnight stays yet) They are so close. He helps me out with clothes and anything else my son needs. My son does not look at him as a father figure, more like the fun uncle. I'd like to point out that I have not once been romantically or sexually involved with this guy since way before my son was born. And in fact, he drives me nuts because our personalities clash. I can only take him in small doses but he dotes on my son and I appreciate him so much for that.

And I'm sure someone here is probably thinking "why would a guy who isn't the child's father take such an interest?" Or "he's probably molesting that child". (Of course I've heard these too many times to count) No. He's in his early forties and would really love a family but he just hasn't met that right person. I think my son helps him as much as the other way around. He truly enjoys taking my son to disneyland, the beach, chuck e cheese, etc. He just likes to spoil him and make him happy.

Okay sorry for going on a tangent. I guess I just wanted to point out why I personally keep in touch with a lot my exes. It's not cause I can't let go, I just like valuable people in my life and just because they're an ex boyfriend shouldn't automatically disqualify them.

I can totally relate to that. My first husband was my best friend til the day he died. He spent Christmas with my family every year and whatever man was in my life had to accept that friendship. He was such a great guy, they usually ended up friends. He was the nicest person I ever knew, we just weren't meant to be romantically linked. I miss him terribly!

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[TealGreen]

Exactly right 2E! A few of my exes are great people, we just didn't make good matches romantically.

I've heard of situations like yours before and I think that's awesome. I had a boyfriend awhile back that was "jealous" of my son spending time with my ex and he tried to give me an ultimatum and I just laughed. I told him that my sons happiness comes before mine so if it came down to it, my choice was obvious. The bf had three kids of his own that needed his attention so I just found it ridiculous that he was crying about wanting to do all the things my ex did with my son himself. A child can NEVER have too much love. The end.

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[Roger]

I guess I'm the type you guys are describing above. I'm friends with almost every ex but I keep it at strictly friends. After all, they are exes for a reason. My whole take on this is that just because it didn't work out romantically doesn't mean they aren't a good person/friend. If a relationship ended badly or they did me wrong, well those ones definitely haven't continued to be a part of my life. I have an ex from over ten years ago who I've remained friends with over the years and he's turned out to be a huge blessing to me. I made the mistake of getting pregnant by a total asshole who promptly got someone else pregnant when I was 6 months in. I don't look at the result as a mistake obviously as I love my son so much and he's my life. Anyway, my ex stepped in and was by my side while I was pregnant and he's very involved with my son who is now 4. My son doesn't know his sperm donor but my ex spends almost every other weekend with him. (Just day trips, no overnight stays yet) They are so close. He helps me out with clothes and anything else my son needs. My son does not look at him as a father figure, more like the fun uncle. I'd like to point out that I have not once been romantically or sexually involved with this guy since way before my son was born. And in fact, he drives me nuts because our personalities clash. I can only take him in small doses but he dotes on my son and I appreciate him so much for that. And I'm sure someone here is probably thinking "why would a guy who isn't the child's father take such an interest?" Or "he's probably molesting that child". (Of course I've heard these too many times to count) No. He's in his early forties and would really love a family but he just hasn't met that right person. I think my son helps him as much as the other way around. He truly enjoys taking my son to disneyland, the beach, chuck e cheese, etc. He just likes to spoil him and make him happy. Okay sorry for going on a tangent. I guess I just wanted to point out why I personally keep in touch with a lot my exes. It's not cause I can't let go, I just like valuable people in my life and just because they're an ex boyfriend shouldn't automatically disqualify them. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think it is truly wonderful you and your son have a man, ex or not, who is involved in your lives. I don't find this situation strange at all. Some adults are better with children than others and it sounds like you have a great friend in your ex. FWIW.

 

[Revenger]

Hiya allhoney, just read through this thread, sorry you had bad luck with that guy... I think you were unlucky... Please don't let it put you off. I did the same as you and married v young. The stats say I'll be divorced when I lose my looks and he's a hot shot surrounded by twenty something's ... So assuming it were me...

Honestly, I think times have moved on and it's fair to expect sex by date three. From a mans point of view, you fancy him enough to keep seeing him... So why not?? I'm not saying Id personally want it myself so soon because like you I need strong emotional feelings towards someone..but men don't feel that way and the fact he's held off until date there (I imagine you've been emailing inbetween) shows respect.. Imo.

I don't think cats story is the norm (Sooo lovely though) and I've yet to see a man and think "Id really like a piece of your anatomy inside me"

But yeah, if I was in the dating game I wouldn't rule out anyone based on when they initiated sex... My husband has a much higher sex drive than I do (duh) and his argument was "it's no more of an inconvenience than me giving you a massage" and I think he's right... Men have got to be so careful these days not to be labelled a rapist/sex pest, they almost need a signed consent form (with a witness to say she wasn't too drunk to consent) so personally I wouldn't write off an otherwise good guy (funny, kind, in work) just cos he made a move.

Loads of luck... You're doing the right thing looking rather than just expecting it to fall into your lap....hope you find an otter too xxxxx

@phrenicz - not a shark - when would you ask?

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[Guest]

Exactly right 2E! A few of my exes are great people, we just didn't make good matches romantically.I've heard of situations like yours before and I think that's awesome. I had a boyfriend awhile back that was "jealous" of my son spending time with my ex and he tried to give me an ultimatum and I just laughed. I told him that my sons happiness comes before mine so if it came down to it, my choice was obvious. The bf had three kids of his own that needed his attention so I just found it ridiculous that he was crying about wanting to do all the things my ex did with my son himself. A child can NEVER have too much love. The end.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It is really awesome thT you have someone like that in both of your lives. I would have loved to have been a fly onthe wall when you got the "ultimatum". Heehehehehehehe

 

[Phrenicz]

Hiya allhoney, just read through this thread, sorry you had bad luck with that guy... I think you were unlucky... Please don't let it put you off. I did the same as you and married v young. The stats say I'll be divorced when I lose my looks and he's a hot shot surrounded by twenty something's ... So assuming it were me...Honestly, I think times have moved on and it's fair to expect sex by date three. From a mans point of view, you fancy him enough to keep seeing him... So why not?? I'm not saying Id personally want it myself so soon because like you I need strong emotional feelings towards someone..but men don't feel that way and the fact he's held off until date there (I imagine you've been emailing inbetween) shows respect.. Imo.I don't think cats story is the norm (Sooo lovely though) and I've yet to see a man and think "Id really like a piece of your anatomy inside me" But yeah, if I was in the dating game I wouldn't rule out anyone based on when they initiated sex... My husband has a much higher sex drive than I do (duh) and his argument was "it's no more of an inconvenience than me giving you a massage" and I think he's right... Men have got to be so careful these days not to be labelled a rapist/sex pest, they almost need a signed consent form (with a witness to say she wasn't too drunk to consent) so personally I wouldn't write off an otherwise good guy (funny, kind, in work) just cos he made a move.Loads of luck... You're doing the right thing looking rather than just expecting it to fall into your lap....hope you find an otter too xxxxx@phrenicz - not a shark - when would you ask? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah, lot of sharks out there, both male & female?... In my experience, I don't generally have to ask?.. I like relationships to naturally evolve?.. Very rarely do I ask for sex?.. Unless I'm paying?! Ha! Only joking.... Sex just happens, it's the natural evolution from kissing, heavy petting, rigorous petting, rip eachothers pants of foreplay, then sex?!...

Is this not the natural order of things?.. I think it's unusual to ask for sex?.. I guess what I am saying is, sex is a natural evolution of a relationship, only if it evolves that far?... This evolution is best (and more spontaneous) when not planned, not asked for and certainly not after a set amount of dates?... It could be 3 dates, it could be 30?... But asking for it?.. I think that's just desperation and the obvious behavior of an untrustworthy 'cock'.. Male or female?... No pun intended : )

Also, I find lots of lascivious and extremely enjoyable discussions of what you are potentially going to do to/with eachother is a very good place to start?...

Man, I need a fuck!.. Ha!

Sorry

~P~

 

[Guest]

:::::::::fanning self::::::::::::::

Oh dear bat! You have a couple of, ahem, really good points there!

And yes, telling someone whT you will do to them when they get home feom work is....delicious! I am a fan of texted body parts as well.

YEAH BABY

 

[Phrenicz]

Yes, I think that particular deliciousness is what I miss most?!.. Grrrrrrrr!!

 

[2earls]

I agree Mr P. What an awkward thing to ask! "So, do ya wanna f@ck?". No! If I did we would already be engaged in the type of activity you described.

Of course once you are sexually active with someone, that question becomes perfectly reasonable.

Cat, you little Minx, you!

 

[Guest]

I agree Mr P. What an awkward thing to ask! "So, do ya wanna f@ck?". No! If I did we would already be engaged in the type of activity you described.

Of course once you are sexually active with someone, that question becomes perfectly reasonable.

Cat, you little Minx, you!

I am not a minx.....i am a VIXEN. Lol!

 

[2earls]

I am not a minx.....i am a VIXEN. Lol!

To tell the truth, I'm not too clear about what either of those are. Time to consult my dictionary.

 

[yellowbelly]

I agree Mr P. What an awkward thing to ask! "So, do ya wanna f@ck?". No! If I did we would already be engaged in the type of activity you described.

Of course once you are sexually active with someone, that question becomes perfectly reasonable.

Cat, you little Minx, you!

I was asked that Exact question a week or so ago by a drunk chick at the bar, that I only talked to for about a half hour, so you never know...

Of course, when you throw drunk people in the equation, anything can happen.

On top of that, I got a text from an ex I haven't seen in 2 months today, that basically asked me the same question, and wants to hook up tomorrow...I really didn't expect to hear from her....2015 is starting off with horny chicks gone wild!...(maybe it has something to do with that kratom infused coffee stand I set up a few weeks back!) /default_wub.png

 

[2earls]

I was asked that Exact question a week or so ago by a drunk chick at the bar, that I only talked to for about a half hour, so you never know...

Of course, when you throw drunk people in the equation, anything can happen.

On top of that, I got a text from an ex I haven't seen in 2 months today, that basically asked me the same question, and wants to hook up tomorrow...I really didn't expect to hear from her....2015 is starting off with horny chicks gone wild!...(maybe it has something to do with that kratom infused coffee stand I set up a few weeks back!) /default_wub.png

Dayam! Game on for YB. Pretty soon you'll have 'em lining up and taking a number!

 

[Bmarie]

I can so relate to you OP. I'm at a stage now where I'd love a boyfriend, someone who I can just click with and be on the same wavelength. Trouble with me is, I have quite low self esteem and I'm pretty shy and struggle to open up to guys. This can sometimes come across as me being cold or arrogant, which in reality, I'm anything but!

I miss having someone to cuddle up to at night, go for walks with, share things etc. But I agree that some guys just want sex from the word go, where as I like to get to know a person first.

Sex is great when you're in love, spontaneous and exciting /default_smile.png I'm not getting any younger, so I hope my mr right isn't too far away. I think it's time for me to get back in the dating game, but sadly haven't found my special someone yet /default_sad.png

 

[Bmarie]

Also, I have been diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) and it's something I feel might scare people off /default_sad.png I'm an extremely complex person emotionally, not to mention very impulsive, but I have SO much love to give to the right man. 

 

[Phrenicz]

I am not a minx.....i am a VIXEN. Lol!

You are head Vixen!! : )

 

[Phrenicz]

Also, I have been diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) and it's something I feel might scare people off /default_sad.png I'm an extremely complex person emotionally, not to mention very impulsive, but I have SO much love to give to the right man.

Hey Bmarie!

Yes, unfortunately I'm the same as you!.. I currently have very low self esteem and definitely enough mental deficiencies to scare off even the bravest of potential partners?!.. Plus, at the minute, I have no time, nor am I ever in any position to meet somebody?!.. My social life is definitely at an all time low!!.. Mostly by my own design, but a low, all the same...

And, like you, I ain't getting no younger!...

Sorry, I started this post by trying to cheer you up?!.. Did it work? Ha!

~P~

 

[Suzie]

Phrenz, I think you're great!!!

 

[Phrenicz]

Phrenz, I think you're great!!!

Awwwww. Right back at ya Siouxsie Sioux!! ; )