depression discussion

[oceanwild]

anti-depressant. has anyone take 5htp? is that works some friends recommended me that take little per week when I am hardly go to sleeping. and feel pressure on me.  

 

[Roger]

I'm glad I ran across this thread.  Lots of good stuff. I don't have much to add, really.  Depression is something I've dealt with much of my adult life, throwing in a measure of some PTSD symptoms a few years ago  

The best antidepressant I've ever used is Pristiq- I've tried many! My insurance would not cover it though and I cannot afford $300/month when  Citaprolam is effective and costs $10 copay. It does help me get out of bed and see the changes I need to make myself.  Without it, I fall into some dark places.  Kind of scary dark, actually.  

Exercise the probably the best thing ever for depression so I started taking ballroom dancing lessons. Listening to uplifting/motivational podcasts and music helps (Life is a Marathon, Bruce Van Horn) is a good one  it is a little hokey, but at this point I will try anything, including Rah Rah motivational speakers.  

 

[Doc Jim]

I've tried pretty much every SSRI made up to ~ 5 yrs ago. They all pooped out at 18 mos- 2yrs. Was on 4 meds at once, then tried transdermal Selegiline (EMSAM). Expensive, but my insurance pays most. Has worked for 5+ yrs., but I feel it's pooping out now. It's als an MAOI, sohas dangerous interactions with many *-amines. The key for me is to know that I am not Depressed, but feeling depressed right now. It will pass. So far, it always has with 25 yrs of this disease under my belt. This works much of the time. Of course there are always those periods when hope is gone. I've been lucky to live through them. To those who suffer, please keep going, it WILL pass.

 

[Phrenicz]

I've tried pretty much every SSRI made up to ~ 5 yrs ago. They all pooped out at 18 mos- 2yrs. Was on 4 meds at once, then tried transdermal Selegiline (EMSAM). Expensive, but my insurance pays most. Has worked for 5+ yrs., but I feel it's pooping out now. It's als an MAOI, sohas dangerous interactions with many *-amines. The key for me is to know that I am not Depressed, but feeling depressed right now. It will pass. So far, it always has with 25 yrs of this disease under my belt. This works much of the time. Of course there are always those periods when hope is gone. I've been lucky to live through them. To those who suffer, please keep going, it WILL pass.

you are a much braver soul than I DJ?!.. I steered well clear of the MAOI variety! So many contraindications, in fact a veritable minefield?!.  Do you find them more effective than SSRI/SNRI's etc etc?.. 

I am extremely anti-anti depressant, but am curious as this is the only 'class', I haven't delved into?.. 

~P~

 

[Doc Jim]

I've tried pretty much every SSRI made up to ~ 5 yrs ago. They all pooped out at 18 mos- 2yrs. Was on 4 meds at once, then tried transdermal Selegiline (EMSAM). Expensive, but my insurance pays most. Has worked for 5+ yrs., but I feel it's pooping out now. It's als an MAOI, sohas dangerous interactions with many *-amines. The key for me is to know that I am not Depressed, but feeling depressed right now. It will pass. So far, it always has with 25 yrs of this disease under my belt. This works much of the time. Of course there are always those periods when hope is gone. I've been lucky to live through them. To those who suffer, please keep going, it WILL pass.

you are a much braver soul than I DJ?!.. I steered well clear of the MAOI variety! So many contraindications, in fact a veritable minefield?!.  Do you find them more effective than SSRI/SNRI's etc etc?.. 

I am extremely anti-anti depressant, but am curious as this is the only 'class', I haven't delved into?.. 

~P~

The transdermal MAOI (prescription, BTW) avoids most of the issues with tryptamine etc. Howver, I did experiment with an amine, phenyl...(?) and had a scary reaction, blood pressure skyrocket, sever headache..., I'm not a fan of most "*amines," so I don;t run into issues. Was very effective for many years, maybe 5?.Now seems to be pooping out. In any case, lasted much longer than than any SSRI/SNRI's.IMO, our brains adjust back to setpoint after some period on any drug. Phrenicz, you have my sincere respect if you can manage without the meds. I'm getting closer , but it's a bit of a roller coaster.

PS-Sorry for the late response, I don't check in very often.

 

[remeron]

anti-depressant. has anyone take 5htp? is that works some friends recommended me that take little per week when I am hardly go to sleeping. and feel pressure on me.  

Might help but don't take it alongside an anti-depressant (same with St. John's Wort). Someone I know uses it for depression and it helps, but if they miss a dose, it... goes downhill quickly.

 

[Broadway2282]

I've been a member of this group for awhile but never found this section.... I've been taking Paxil for about 5 years... Ever since my baby died... And a few years ago, started enjoying a few opiates here and there.... And then a little more ... And while I consider myself functioning (job, kid, etc).... I'm only even remotely happy while using /default_sad.png   How long did it take those of you who are clean, to feel happy again? 

mschrissy0909, I totally relate to what you have experienced. I am also a highly functioning individual (job, charity work) and like you I love Opiates but they only offer me moderate happiness too and for a very short period of time. Exercise, the occasional martini and Opiate or Valium as needed (not mixed) works best for me. Reading blogs online from others who suffer from depression helps too. I have not had luck with therapists or the psych ward (involuntarily), if anything those experiences scarred me deeply and caused me to turn against them. Therapy was f**king awful and the worst thing I have ever done. I'd rather jog away my pain than talk to an uninterested Physchiatrist or Therapist who could give a damn about me and not just my copayment. These are just a few suggestions that have helped me, I send best wishes and good karma your way! ?

 

[Guest]

I'll been prescribed just about every SSII over the past 10 years.   Either they don't work or had bad side effects (ED related).  I never better or worse on any of them.  So I stopped taking them.  The docs love to push anti-depressants and kept upping the dose.  I had trouble sleeping/falling sleep/staying asleep while on these medications. 

IMO, they do nothing for me.

AP

 

[Allhoney75]

I really hope I don't creep the guys out around here but I wanted to share my issue with depression and see if other women can relate. As I've been getting older, I've been battling depression around my cycle. Fair enough you say...........well, this is something I never had to deal with when I was younger. Depression was like a foreign word to me in my youth and now that I'm nearing 40, it's God awful. A good friend said it's normal and as women age and get closer to menopause, depression definitely rears it's ugly head. Any other women can relate?

I also am a chronic pain patient and my pain issue started about 3 years ago so I think mine is a combination of both. It's so awful and makes me utterly sick because I used to have a good outlook on life and now everything is awful. I'm too down to go out with friends sometimes. Going to work is a drag. I have the worst thoughts about losing loved ones and how my own life will turn out. It's awful and unfortunately I come from a family who doesn't understand depression and aren't supportive. I simply keep quiet about it because I don't wanna make others around me feel depressed. My doctor prescribed cymbalta which I took for 2 weeks and it made me suicidal...no lie. I woke up one morning and literally was gonna do it. I knew what I felt was wrong and couldn't put my finger on why I was gonna go threw with it...I mean surely I had thought about offing myself before, but the urge to do it was intensely strong this time. I finally realized it was the cymbalta and stopped taking it immediately. Odd thing was,  cymbalta certainly helped with the pain but the suicidal thoughts weren't worth it.

Anyway, that's my story and I would love to hear from others. Sorry it was so long but sometimes talking really helps!

 

[PTFC]

I really hope I don't creep the guys out around here but I wanted to share my issue with depression and see if other women can relate. As I've been getting older, I've been battling depression around my cycle. Fair enough you say...........well, this is something I never had to deal with when I was younger. Depression was like a foreign word to me in my youth and now that I'm nearing 40, it's God awful. A good friend said it's normal and as women age and get closer to menopause, depression definitely rears it's ugly head. Any other women can relate?

I also am a chronic pain patient and my pain issue started about 3 years ago so I think mine is a combination of both. It's so awful and makes me utterly sick because I used to have a good outlook on life and now everything is awful. I'm too down to go out with friends sometimes. Going to work is a drag. I have the worst thoughts about losing loved ones and how my own life will turn out. It's awful and unfortunately I come from a family who doesn't understand depression and aren't supportive. I simply keep quiet about it because I don't wanna make others around me feel depressed. My doctor prescribed cymbalta which I took for 2 weeks and it made me suicidal...no lie. I woke up one morning and literally was gonna do it. I knew what I felt was wrong and couldn't put my finger on why I was gonna go threw with it...I mean surely I had thought about offing myself before, but the urge to do it was intensely strong this time. I finally realized it was the cymbalta and stopped taking it immediately. Odd thing was,  cymbalta certainly helped with the pain but the suicidal thoughts weren't worth it.

Anyway, that's my story and I would love to hear from others. Sorry it was so long but sometimes talking really helps!

Sorry, I'm not a girl, but I can relate to an extent here. Just left a 7 year relationship of my own accord and to save my sanity. I too am several years away from forty and I would like to have been settled by now, amongst other events I have been diagnosed depressed, which was no surprise to me with the amount of friends and colleagues who were noticing amd commenting on my completely different mood. I have signed myself off sick from work (well my GP has) and been prescribed mirtazipine, which I found very helpful before many years ago after trying a number of SSRI's that gave me that suicidal ideation and indeed made me feel much much worse. Even at my worst I have never considered such an action, before or since. It is good to talk, but another visit to your GP/physician is obviously required. I am at your behest obviously allhoney, as I am sure many others here will be. 

 

[Allhoney75]

I really hope I don't creep the guys out around here but I wanted to share my issue with depression and see if other women can relate. As I've been getting older, I've been battling depression around my cycle. Fair enough you say...........well, this is something I never had to deal with when I was younger. Depression was like a foreign word to me in my youth and now that I'm nearing 40, it's God awful. A good friend said it's normal and as women age and get closer to menopause, depression definitely rears it's ugly head. Any other women can relate?

I also am a chronic pain patient and my pain issue started about 3 years ago so I think mine is a combination of both. It's so awful and makes me utterly sick because I used to have a good outlook on life and now everything is awful. I'm too down to go out with friends sometimes. Going to work is a drag. I have the worst thoughts about losing loved ones and how my own life will turn out. It's awful and unfortunately I come from a family who doesn't understand depression and aren't supportive. I simply keep quiet about it because I don't wanna make others around me feel depressed. My doctor prescribed cymbalta which I took for 2 weeks and it made me suicidal...no lie. I woke up one morning and literally was gonna do it. I knew what I felt was wrong and couldn't put my finger on why I was gonna go threw with it...I mean surely I had thought about offing myself before, but the urge to do it was intensely strong this time. I finally realized it was the cymbalta and stopped taking it immediately. Odd thing was,  cymbalta certainly helped with the pain but the suicidal thoughts weren't worth it.

Anyway, that's my story and I would love to hear from others. Sorry it was so long but sometimes talking really helps!

Sorry, I'm not a girl, but I can relate to an extent here. Just left a 7 year relationship of my own accord and to save my sanity. I too am several years away from forty and I would like to have been settled by now, amongst other events I have been diagnosed depressed, which was no surprise to me with the amount of friends and colleagues who were noticing amd commenting on my completely different mood. I have signed myself off sick from work (well my GP has) and been prescribed mirtazipine, which I found very helpful before many years ago after trying a number of SSRI's that gave me that suicidal ideation and indeed made me feel much much worse. Even at my worst I have never considered such an action, before or since. It is good to talk, but another visit to your GP/physician is obviously required. I am at your behest obviously allhoney, as I am sure many others here will be. 

Thanks for those words of encouragement. It's always nice to know you aren't the lone wolf in something so difficult. I'm curious as I've never heard of the medication you mentioned. Does it have a more popular brand name? The fact that many anti-depressants make people worse is scary.  Some years back, a doc prescribed Prozac because she didn't want to put me on a benzo for anxiety and it did the same thing. Scared the crap out of me! 

 

[PTFC]

I believe the brand name to be Reme-ron. It was a lifesaver for me at the time, almost instant relief sleep wise, though the heavy drowsiness when taken at bedtime eases after a week max. It's in a class of its own. I am taking the lowest dose for now, 15mg. I would do a bit of research allhoney, it's worth a look anyway. 

 

[Broadway2282]

Val has helped me immensely while trying to find yet another antidepressant that will work. Viibryd is promising but in the wrong dose, I found it can make things much worse. Dosage is just as important as the medication I have learned. Lots of trial and error to find the right combo. I'm going to do the very expensive genetic testing to see which antidepressants will work best for me since I will have to manage this disease for the rest of my life. It will be worth it in the long run. 

I've finally realized I have the power to fight this disease instead of just using all that power to deny it. The quote "Denying her wounds came from the same source as her power" put that into perspective for me. I can redirect that power that I already possess (been real successful thus far using it to deny or downplay my disease) to actually acknowledge and fight the disease.

 

[Biteme]

Depression is a major problem in my family & for me since I was akid. Suicide is the number one cause of death for males in my family over the past 5 generations. I had made 2 attempts before I wad 12.

I've been on & off antidepressants sincevthe 80s whren I was taking tricyclics, which were shit. Right now I'm doing well with tramadol, which also helps my back pain, but what really helped a lot was starting a testasterone gel (prescribed). Depression is much more common among women than men & I really think the testasterone is protective against it. Before I started on it I couldn't concentrate at all & took no pleasure in anything. Even my insomnia improved on it. Not really an option for women but men with depression should get their levels checked.

 

[Rainbow]

I went through all the SSRI 's years ago during a difficult time, found them all unhelpful to say the least, eventually got put on mirtazipine and it was the one that helped me back to normality.  You're right dbc, it does suck.

Mirtazapine is the only antidepressant that has helped me function on a level resembling some sort of normality...whatever 'normal' is.  It took a lot of trial and error though, much like it sounds as though PTFC went through too.  Got there eventually though, which I suppose is the main thing.

Rainbow

 

[Rainbow]

I really hope I don't creep the guys out around here but I wanted to share my issue with depression and see if other women can relate. As I've been getting older, I've been battling depression around my cycle. Fair enough you say...........well, this is something I never had to deal with when I was younger. Depression was like a foreign word to me in my youth and now that I'm nearing 40, it's God awful. A good friend said it's normal and as women age and get closer to menopause, depression definitely rears it's ugly head. Any other women can relate?

I also am a chronic pain patient and my pain issue started about 3 years ago so I think mine is a combination of both. It's so awful and makes me utterly sick because I used to have a good outlook on life and now everything is awful. I'm too down to go out with friends sometimes. Going to work is a drag. I have the worst thoughts about losing loved ones and how my own life will turn out. It's awful and unfortunately I come from a family who doesn't understand depression and aren't supportive. I simply keep quiet about it because I don't wanna make others around me feel depressed. My doctor prescribed cymbalta which I took for 2 weeks and it made me suicidal...no lie. I woke up one morning and literally was gonna do it. I knew what I felt was wrong and couldn't put my finger on why I was gonna go threw with it...I mean surely I had thought about offing myself before, but the urge to do it was intensely strong this time. I finally realized it was the cymbalta and stopped taking it immediately. Odd thing was,  cymbalta certainly helped with the pain but the suicidal thoughts weren't worth it.

Anyway, that's my story and I would love to hear from others. Sorry it was so long but sometimes talking really helps!

I empathise with you completely, Allhoney, and I too have felt so very much like you wrote.  Talking really does help but the unfortunate thing is, this being from my own perspective, is it's the friends who have depression that only REALLY understand what you're going through.  Mirtazapine really has helped me.  I've just looked on the information leaflet that comes with my Mirtazapine but can't find another name for it.  You're not alone Allhoney, far from it.  Depression isn't something that ever really goes away but, with the right medication, it can be controlled...that I can vouch for.  Unless you've been unfortunate enough to get tangled up in its claustrophobic strings/claws or whatever, many cannot understand how alone, fearful and physically, as well as mentally, ill you feel.  Once you do open up and talk though, it is amazing how many people do suffer with clinical depression but have just been 'putting on an act' to the outside world.  Nobody knows what's really going on inside a person's head.  Thank you for posting what you did Allhoney, it was so honest and mirrored how I've felt, and no doubt many others too, so very often in the past.

Rainbow

-------------

Allhoney, if you do a Google search for other names for Mirtazapine then it'll give you quite a few different names.  I notice that you're from the US so it may well be called something else.  I've just done a search and it came up with a fair few different names.  You've probably already done a search but just thought I'd mention it.

 

[Rainbow]

There's a quote I found from Stephen Fry and it is so very, very true and apt.  I hope it's attached okay and that I haven't broken any forum rules...if I have, please be gentle as it's my first offence.

I sent this to a good friend of mine who has never suffered from depression but was there for me every step of the way when I needed a friend, it helped that she's a mental health nurse...she cried, as she didn't realise just how much her patience and her trying to understand helped me.  I will never, ever forget what she did for me during those dreadful, dark, very scary days.

Rainbow

View attachment 1080

 

[Kurt Codean]

I'm on 20mgs of Lexapro (Esctialopram). It seems to be working better for me than the 40mg Celexa(Citalopram) I used to take before. I was taking 10mgs of Lexapro for two months prior and just asked my doctor if he could up the dose to 20mgs. I thought that this would increase the effects, but I looked it up online and they say from studies they conducted in adults people who reported a significant difference at 10mgs didn't necessarily show any additional improvement at 20mgs. So doubling the dosage might not be adding anything to the overall effect. I think lexapro seems to work for me a little, but I still have some bad days with insomnia and lots of anxiety. Sometimes I think maybe any benefit I think I feel from Lexapro is just a placebo effect. Also I'm on a few other meds which sort of alter my mood, like hydroc0d0ne, clon@zepam, and occasionally @dderall. I don't have a script for the @dderal but get some from friends and family every now and then. I think I am going to try to ask my doctor to give me a script for that medication. It seems to really help me focus and deal with my priorities instead of procrastinating and lounging around the house like some kind of loafer. But getting back to the depression, I still feel pretty depressed more often than not. I think I remember the first time I was truly depressed. It was around the time when I was a little kid around 4 or 5 years old. I just remember how on weekends my family never went on any outings. I always felt like doing something, but my parents seemed to not want to leave the house at all. I was pretty much bored out of my mind and I remember telling my mom that I wish I were dead. I never understood why my parents never seemed to have any fun by doing outdoor activities of some sort. I think at one point I kind of cured my depression when I was around 20 or 21 years old. This was just after I tried MDMA for the first time. For a few months following that experience I felt like I had total control of my life and my emotions. But somehow I fell back into a depression, mainly because I was living with some pretty negative people. I really think the kind of people you are around effects your mood. It sucks if you're a child and your parents are negative, because you can't do anything about it since you are dependent on them. I'm not sure why I'm still depressed right now, but I think maybe it's because of some addictions I have developed as a result of self medicating. Those include smoking cigarettes, using op8s, and using benz0diazepines. Also I don't get enough exercise and am not really in great physical shape so that kind of makes me feel depressed even more. Most of the time i feel like dealing with each of these issues one by one before I step out into the world and go to work, but the problem is there isn't enough time for me try to tackle these issues individually. I can't take a year or two off and use that time to clear my thinking. I have to go to work an earn money now, so that causes anxiety because I feel like I'm not in a good mental state when i step out into the real world, and I feel like people can tell that i'm a bit downtrodden and not an upbeat person. This is causing a lot of problems for me career wise because I can't seem to find the enthusiasm to pursue an occupation that I really like, and instead settle for low paying manual labor type jobs which don't require much thinking since I feel withdrawn from society and don't feel like I can make friends with people because my outlook on life is negative most of the time. I was pretty quite most of my life through school and college and I still am that way now, but I'm pretty sure that in order to be successful you need to have an outgoing personality, not a troubled mindset. 

 

[PTFC]

Hopefully you can change that mindset Kurt, it would be half the battle, it's not easy though, as I know myself. When everything is going well, you are just waiting for it to blow up in your face, and if everything is shite anyway, it's what you expected! 

Talking is good. I learned that this year, amongst other things. Hope you have a great day regardless mate! 

 

[Kurt Codean]

Hopefully you can change that mindset Kurt, it would be half the battle, it's not easy though, as I know myself. When everything is going well, you are just waiting for it to blow up in your face, and if everything is shite anyway, it's what you expected! 

Talking is good. I learned that this year, amongst other things. Hope you have a great day regardless mate! 

Yeah I think talking definitely does help. And it's great to be able to discuss this on this forum as opposed to talking to a therapist one on one. I tried the therapy route once when I entered a rehab program, but I felt that it wasn't helping me at all. The psychologist that talked to me just kept asking questions and I had no idea where she was going with her method. It was like she was judging my responses to her questions based on whatever textbook she was using for a reference. So that experience felt cold and disheartening. Also eventually she told me to start going to group meetings, where there were other ex-junkies or troubled people, and being around that group made me feel even worse. I just stopped going at some point because it seemed like whatever strategy they cooked up to help people was moving at a snails pace and I didn't have the time to devote to such a long ongoing therapy where you don't even know what they are doing with all the information they collected from you. 

I hope I can change my mindset too. I did it once before but it didn't last long and it was like a switch turned in my brain and I became chronically depressed ever since. It's kind of scary when i think how frail my mentality must be for it to be possible to go from being somewhat happy (or at the very least content with life) to a complete nervous wreck pretty much overnight. 

I find posting here a bit more helpful than going to any type of group therapy or AA type sessions. I see that there are others in the same boat as me here and being able to talk about my problems in an anonymous way seems easier than doing it in person with a group of other derelict people who probably need a team of therapists to cure them around the clock, not just a one hour session a weak with a group.