depression discussion

[PTFC]

I knew a consultant psychiatrist some years ago who told me, "everyone is potentially 10% away from going bananas(mad)". It's stuck with me over the years, I quite like the simplicity of the statement. Anyway Kurt, let's keep talking, anytime! 

 

[KAL]

I knew a consultant psychiatrist some years ago who told me, "everyone is potentially 10% away from going bananas(mad)". It's stuck with me over the years, I quite like the simplicity of the statement. Anyway Kurt, let's keep talking, anytime! 

We live in a society based on anti depressants and other medications, personally I tried many but they never worked or maybe my OCD kept telling me they were causing too many crazy side effects an to discontinue use. I always wondered if its humans that are flawed or the society we live in, what makes the majority of us need these chemicals to balance us out. Make us normal or is being a lil crazy make us normal? Maybe society strives to be too perfect or maybe I think too much, me myself and my mental flaws lol. Hopefully in the future they can make some magic cure all or would that just be the government trying to make us conform to they're idea of how someone is supposed to be. It's like everyone I know including myself has some sort of depression, anxiety or mental condition. Medication is just a life long journey of finding what chemicals can make you normal like 2% of the population. A little more of this SSRI, a little less of this anxiety medication, some more therapy a pinch of reality. It's like making pasta sauce at the doctor. It's a continual strive or struggle to find the right combo of meds, sorry getting too deep, almost bedtime for me. Ciao 

 

[Kurt Codean]

Wow, @mandraxx That was a powerful story you just told. I'd like to comment on it but first let me reply to something that @KAL touched on in the post before yours. @KAL I believe that you are correct that the society we are liviing in plays a big role in the mental health of the average citizen who has to live during these times. Let's face facts, the world is pretty nuts right now. I honestly don't see how any rational person can live their lives devoid of all the crazy stuff that is going on in the world today. Some people might be better at coping with this insane world we are living in, but I believe deep down the majority of the populous can sense that there is something wrong with society. If only 2% of the population is normal under the current conditions of society, then that means that 98% of the population is sick to a certain degree. Numbers that large would indicate that something is wrong with society itself, not with the individual people that make up the population. The fact that so many people are suffering these days because of depression, anxiety, or some other metal disability would suggest that there is something wrong with the environment we are living in, and not personal issues that are making people vulnerable to mental disorders. It's quite sad and quite scary that people these days are seeking medicines to cope with the current conditions we are living under, and also are using certain medications to try to be happy during these tumultuous times where the prospect of being naturally happy has been stripped from the majority of the people, save a few ultra-rich folks who can shield themselves from the sick society that we are living in. 

@mandraxx wow your story in battling depression is very compelling. I take it you were in inpatient treatment for a while? I suppose it's good that you found certain SSRIs like effexor and Zoloft. But like you said those were only short term aids and eventually you had to up the does to keep them working. I myself have tried a bunch of different SSRIs, Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, Celexa, and lexapro. I've taken them for at least 2-4 weeks, and I never noticed any change in my depression. So I always got teh feeling that those drugs were a waste of time for me. I don't know why nothing ever worked forme, but I have a theory that when I was younger, in my 20's, I played around with MDMA quite a bit, and I feel like that may be the reason why SSRIs don't work for me. I think the MDMA screwed up my serotonin levels for good, and there is no real medical cure that can boost my serotonin levels so I feel like i am more or less stuck with permanent case of depression. I pretty much gave up trying to use SSRIs to treat depression. Most recently I was taking 20mgs of Lexapro for about a month, but I went to my doctor earlier this week and forgot to ask im to write me a new script. I thought I still had a few refills let on my bottle, but when I got home and checked it, the bottle said 0 refills left. I guess I could have called my doctor and ask him he could electronically send a news script for those to my pharmacist, but I never got around to it. The truth is I really didn't feel like it was working so I am going to try to quit that medicine cold turkey. I know it isn't recommended to quit that way, but I've done it in the past with other ssris and didn't have any severe repercussions. So far I haven't taken any SSRIs for two days and I feel okay right now. The story you told about being in rehab sounds like a nightmare and I'm sorry you went through that. I tried outpatient rehab once and I kind of get what you're saying about how the group meetings are conducted. (although outpatient and impatient are to completely things). Anyway I was put in a room with other "addicts" (I don't know who makes the decision to label someone an addict), and some of there stories were horrifying and right then and there I could tell that I didn't belong in the same category as those people. This one young guy, probably in his early 20's was talking about ow he slit his wrists and tried to kill himself. I don't know what e was on but it could of just been alcohol. Other people talked about how they beat their wives or girlfriends, and i was just thinking not cool. I never got so high that I hurt anyone other than probably myself. Anyway I ended up dropping out of that AA session for good. I kind of feel like the moment I walked into that place they attach a stigma to you and label you a drug addict. It's almost like you have a disease and have to be quarantined. The part that you described about how you needed dental work but couldn't get the normal tranx is just another example as how people who admit that they have had drug/alcohol problems are demonized by society. I think life is too short to spend too much time trying to figure out what is wrong with you in terms of drug use. I think If it were up to me I would never admit to having a problem, I don't want to spend years in therapy trying to find a cure for something that in the long run isn't the defining factor in your life. At some point when you are older, or even now with the dental issue you described, there is a need for certain narcotic medications. Terminal illnesses are also treated with morphine sometimes so if you are ever in that boat God Forbid, you would probably have no choice but to take the pain relief medicine that is available. 

Also one other thing I forgot to mention is the feeling of being locked in a rehab center against your will. what's the difference between that and being n prison? I think these days people who have mild addictions are being targeted unfairly when it is the nature of society that is driving people to substance abuse in the first place. If they really wanted to win the war on drugs they would fix the country and bring real happiness to the citizens of the world.

 

[Biteme]

I myself have tried a bunch of different SSRIs, Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, Celexa, and lexapro. I've taken them for at least 2-4 weeks, and I never noticed any change in my depression. So I always got teh feeling that those drugs were a waste of time for me.

SSRIs can take over a month to start working, so you may need to give them more time or get a larger dose. They don't work for everyone though because it seems that what we call depression isn't always the result of low serotonin or norepinephrine but there usually is some kind of physiological component. 

 

[Guest]

I really hope I don't creep the guys out around here but I wanted to share my issue with depression and see if other women can relate. As I've been getting older, I've been battling depression around my cycle. Fair enough you say...........well, this is something I never had to deal with when I was younger. Depression was like a foreign word to me in my youth and now that I'm nearing 40, it's God awful. A good friend said it's normal and as women age and get closer to menopause, depression definitely rears it's ugly head. Any other women can relate?

I also am a chronic pain patient and my pain issue started about 3 years ago so I think mine is a combination of both. It's so awful and makes me utterly sick because I used to have a good outlook on life and now everything is awful. I'm too down to go out with friends sometimes. Going to work is a drag. I have the worst thoughts about losing loved ones and how my own life will turn out. It's awful and unfortunately I come from a family who doesn't understand depression and aren't supportive. I simply keep quiet about it because I don't wanna make others around me feel depressed. My doctor prescribed cymbalta which I took for 2 weeks and it made me suicidal...no lie. I woke up one morning and literally was gonna do it. I knew what I felt was wrong and couldn't put my finger on why I was gonna go threw with it...I mean surely I had thought about offing myself before, but the urge to do it was intensely strong this time. I finally realized it was the cymbalta and stopped taking it immediately. Odd thing was,  cymbalta certainly helped with the pain but the suicidal thoughts weren't worth it.

Anyway, that's my story and I would love to hear from others. Sorry it was so long but sometimes talking really helps!

Have you tried kratom?  It has been a lifesaver for me.  AN absolute life saver.  It helps pain, anxiety sleep and depression.  AND it is legal unless you live in TN or IN. Check out the kratom thread.  I started that whole section for a very good reason  I was put on Lexapro a couple of months ago and I dont feel any different.  I feel anxious a lot still

 

[Kurt Codean]

SSRIs can take over a month to start working, so you may need to give them more time or get a larger dose. They don't work for everyone though because it seems that what we call depression isn't always the result of low serotonin or norepinephrine but there usually is some kind of physiological component. 

Well, I was on Celexa 40mgs from August-October, then I switched to Lexapro 10mgs in November, and lexapro 20mgs in December to mid January, and after all that time I didn't notice any positive effects from them. 

Have you tried kratom?  It has been a lifesaver for me.  AN absolute life saver.  It helps pain, anxiety sleep and depression.  AND it is legal unless you live in TN or IN. Check out the kratom thread.  I started that whole section for a very good reason  I was put on Lexapro a couple of months ago and I dont feel any different.  I feel anxious a lot still

@CatintheHatI don't know that wasn't directed towards me, but i have a friend that seems to swear by Kratom. Just recently he gave me a small-medium pill bottle full of kratom as a sample. Maybe I should take this to the Kratom section? I've tried it a number of times, and I don't seem to experience any positive effects. Maybe I'm not taking the correct dosage? Or maybe there is some other reason why I don't really feel anything from it. 

 

[Guest]

Is it encapsulated?  cuz that kills the effect for me.  WHy dont you meet me in the "kratom discussion" thread and we will talk some more.  so far, since being on this forum I have had fourteen people completely stop various drugs, like sleeping pills, Oxys and benzos due to kratom.  It works for about eighty five or ninety percent of people. I am damn proud to have been a part of that wonderful thing. 

 

[trinity]

 

[2earls]

Powerful video @Trinity. Really interesting that it's so accepted to prescribe for problems that can't be seen and yet you can have xrays and MRIs showing a clear issue and prescribing for that is taboo. This just reinforces how broken the Healthcare systems have become. These drugs kill people, but all the focus is on opiates and benzos. If drug has no recreational value, then nobody cares if it's over-prescribed.

 

[Arabella]

Is it encapsulated?  cuz that kills the effect for me.  WHy dont you meet me in the "kratom discussion" thread and we will talk some more.  so far, since being on this forum I have had fourteen people completely stop various drugs, like sleeping pills, Oxys and benzos due to kratom.  It works for about eighty five or ninety percent of people. I am damn proud to have been a part of that wonderful thing. 

Hi may I ask about Kratom ? I have never heard of it and the anti depressants I was put on are useless they are not helping me at all and my anxiety/panic attacks are just as bad. I also suffer from extreme pain due to arthritis & fibromyalgia. Is Kratom available in UK ? I am seeing doc at hospital in a few weeks wanted to ask about medicinal marijuana too. Think some UK docs are now prescribing it ?  Thank you

@trinityWow now that is a wonderful video just watched a few minutes and my head is spinning, This video is definitely one which I will watch over next few days. Thanks for posting this. x

 

[2earls]

@Arabella I am not from the UK, but I have the impression from some of my UK buddies like @Smoka90 that it is indeed available there. Hopefully one of them will show up with some info for you.

 

[mcgerv]

I got put on SSRI's when i was 16, I was very depressed and was also suffering from crippling social anxiety. I made the choice to seek help and see a psych, after one session I was prescribed zoloft. I took the drug having no idea the repercussions and side effects that SSRI's can cause, only being 17 with no knowledge of how drugs work.

I've regretted taking them ever since. Although i know now, that I was not old enough to make a choice like this, I still blame myself for letting a doctor put me on a high dose of zoloft (200mg a day I believe, I'm don't remember exactly as i'm 25 now) 

Anyhow, i was kept on them for 3 and a half years roughly and only later did i realise how much of an effect they have on the brain. I feel as though all the years i spent on them and coming off them are simply blank, wasted years. including the withdrawal period and the time it took for me to feel comfortable in my own skin once again after stopping the drug, it was roughly 5 years of my life i feel have been wasted away. 

I thought I'd just share this because there isn't really anyone who I can talk to who will understand, and also a something to consider for any of those considering going on SSRI's

From my experience, if you do choose to take SSRI's, only take a small dose for no longer than three or four months. A high dose over a long period of time causes serious addiction, and alters cognitive functioning a lot. This is the effect it had on me anyways 

 

[Arabella]

@Arabella I am not from the UK, but I have the impression from some of my UK buddies like @Smoka90 that it is indeed available there. Hopefully one of them will show up with some info for you.

@2earlsThank you x

@I got put on SSRI's when i was 16, I was very depressed and was also suffering from crippling social anxiety. I made the choice to seek help and see a psych, after one session I was prescribed zoloft. I took the drug having no idea the repercussions and side effects that SSRI's can cause, only being 17 with no knowledge of how drugs work.

I've regretted taking them ever since. Although i know now, that I was not old enough to make a choice like this, I still blame myself for letting a doctor put me on a high dose of zoloft (200mg a day I believe, I'm don't remember exactly as i'm 25 now) 

Anyhow, i was kept on them for 3 and a half years roughly and only later did i realise how much of an effect they have on the brain. I feel as though all the years i spent on them and coming off them are simply blank, wasted years. including the withdrawal period and the time it took for me to feel comfortable in my own skin once again after stopping the drug, it was roughly 5 years of my life i feel have been wasted away. 

I thought I'd just share this because there isn't really anyone who I can talk to who will understand, and also a something to consider for any of those considering going on SSRI's

From my experience, if you do choose to take SSRI's, only take a small dose for no longer than three or four months. A high dose over a long period of time causes serious addiction, and alters cognitive functioning a lot. This is the effect it had on me anyways 

@mcgerv I view some SSRI's as being dangerous now especially after seeing a loved one go from being depressed to being full blown suicidal and reclusive after being on Zoloft for three months- dose was increased from 50mg to 75mg then to 100mg then right up to 200mg.  I am going to research Kratom & try find a UK supplier.

I do feel that some psychiatrists are mere pharma reps

 

[mcgerv]

@Arabella Pretty much. Zoloft is almost always the first thing any psych will suggest after only one consultation, (from my experience anyway) I assume they definitely get kick backs for prescribing this particular SSRI.

If you look into the company who make Zoloft - Pfizer, you will notice that they are not in the business of helping people, they are simply in the business of making money. All of their products (Xanax, Vallium etc.) are all branded and marketed to be appealing to the user. Xanax is a big example of this. It comes in a sleek, shiny bottle, the pills are pressed perfectly with nice curves over the top of them. The whole thing is made to be pleasing to the eye. 

Pfizer is basically a company who are able to sell highly abusable drugs, legally. The sales reps and psychiatrists are serve as mules who pedal their products. 

The result of all this in combination is horrible, example: you see a psych when ur suffering from mild depression/anxiety, you get prescribed an SSRI or a Benzo depending on whatever the DSM tells the psychiatrist to diagnose, based on your symptoms. These drugs only serve as a temporary crutch, they do not treat the problems at all. When you get off the drugs, your back to square one - Having to deal with the same depressed/anxious feelings, but you have another problem - now you're suffering from withdrawals because you've developed an addiction to the drug. So you seek more counselling. I know a lot of people who continued to seek counselling after failed 'medical' treatment and they just got diagnosed with another mental disease - based on symptoms presented and what the DSM says. In this case its most likely going to be more severe than typical depression/anxiety, usually something like BPD or Bi polar, because you are not only suffering from the original issues, you are also suffering from withdrawal issues. A good friend of mine from school days killed himself last year, I am certain that it was a result of the ridiculous cocktail of drugs that he was being fed by his psychiatrist. Last i knew, he was being treated for ADHD and Depression with 300 mg Zoloft and Dextroamphetamine - such a stupidly irresponsible prescription.

Psychiatry is barely 100 years old, it only began to become recognised as a science when Freud and Jung gave birth to psychiatry. We are still in the caveman stages of understanding how the mind works. In my opinion Psychology is just a pseudoscience, we do not have the technology or knowledge to be able to medically treat mental problems. At this stage, I feel the only way to treat your mental issues is by yourself. I know it seems like a very bleak outlook, but trust me - I've felt much better finding my own way to deal with mental issues. It may take a lifetime to overcome my mental issues, but finding my own way to deal with them is a lot more fulfilling than paying some a psych, who doesn't know me from a bar of soap, to feed me meds and tell me shit i already know. 

In the mean time, I say have some fun with all the drugs mankind has created. NOT at the expense of loved ones feelings of course !

Life is a gift, and you only get one... don't waste it dwelling on the inevitable problems it serves. Find a way to turn those problems into something positive  

 

[ElectroNymph]

I take venlafaxine.  It has no sedative effects,  so is not addictive.  I find it stabilises my mood,  and helps with my Borderline Personality Disorder. 

 

[SaintAlien]

I'm going to post and then go get ready and I'll write more later but:

To summarize:

My youngest came out but tried to commit suicide last month.  He's on prozac and "ok" - as we are so accepting that I was shocked he thought of suicide. Turns out his first love is his best friend who is straight and got a gf that day. We are working through it but I am so sad I almost lost my child

My significant other was found 3 days ago snuggling in bed with an under 21 year old girl who looks like me - when he thought I was gone for the day.  He has yet to address it and I do not fight and right now with the kid situation, this is a horrible time for change this severe.  He has been on tender and other apps hunting vag and romance while with me nightly. We've never fought, we had a great relationship of 12 years and there's sex daily.  I guess he wanted new. I am personally destroyed

The day after this happened my car was hit from the rear (I was stopped) by some asshole going about 75mph through a light on his phone. It's been hell for reasons I don't have time to type but I have never been in this situation so Allstate (his parents insurance) is sending a rental today and I will be towed. 

Yesterday was 9 hours of insurance calls and I woke up thinking "I should just end it" and I've never felt this way. People hating me on here because an IOP banned me and shafted me for over $500 / threats - all I listed. My life hurts and Im scared and alone. 

I post on here so much to avoid talking to people or telling them what is going on.  I dont need family or friends being made aware of my son's issues and sexuality as that's HIS life to tell and I can't bad mouth jerkface because what if it works out? I also can't say an iop ripped me off and banned me! 

OH and mysteriously that same card had to be shut down (paypal) because from the 1st of April (day after they reshipped) until the 4th when I said "send a new card" - mysterious 99.95 charges from weird places were appearing and I would go to use my card and it was declined.  It happened after they were alerted to my thread here and I do think it's connected but it's an assumption. So I'm without a lot and without this board and people I talk to - I just sit thinking of all I have had destroyed since Monday and I want to just end it all

I got put on SSRI's when i was 16, I was very depressed and was also suffering from crippling social anxiety. I made the choice to seek help and see a psych, after one session I was prescribed zoloft. I took the drug having no idea the repercussions and side effects that SSRI's can cause, only being 17 with no knowledge of how drugs work.

I've regretted taking them ever since. Although i know now, that I was not old enough to make a choice like this, I still blame myself for letting a doctor put me on a high dose of zoloft (200mg a day I believe, I'm don't remember exactly as i'm 25 now) 

Anyhow, i was kept on them for 3 and a half years roughly and only later did i realise how much of an effect they have on the brain. I feel as though all the years i spent on them and coming off them are simply blank, wasted years. including the withdrawal period and the time it took for me to feel comfortable in my own skin once again after stopping the drug, it was roughly 5 years of my life i feel have been wasted away. 

I thought I'd just share this because there isn't really anyone who I can talk to who will understand, and also a something to consider for any of those considering going on SSRI's

From my experience, if you do choose to take SSRI's, only take a small dose for no longer than three or four months. A high dose over a long period of time causes serious addiction, and alters cognitive functioning a lot. This is the effect it had on me anyways 

can you private msg me - my son is 16 and I knew prozac is the safest med for a teen (zoloft is the worst) but I want to hear what you wish was done differently in your situation and how your parents could have helped.  I want him to feel great - I want my son to feel safe / happy and do right by him

 

[ElectroNymph]

I'm going to post and then go get ready and I'll write more later but:

To summarize:

My youngest came out but tried to commit suicide last month.  He's on prozac and "ok" - as we are so accepting that I was shocked he thought of suicide. Turns out his first love is his best friend who is straight and got a gf that day. We are working through it but I am so sad I almost lost my child

My significant other was found 3 days ago snuggling in bed with an under 21 year old girl who looks like me - when he thought I was gone for the day.  He has yet to address it and I do not fight and right now with the kid situation, this is a horrible time for change this severe.  He has been on tender and other apps hunting vag and romance while with me nightly. We've never fought, we had a great relationship of 12 years and there's sex daily.  I guess he wanted new. I am personally destroyed

The day after this happened my car was hit from the rear (I was stopped) by some asshole going about 75mph through a light on his phone. It's been hell for reasons I don't have time to type but I have never been in this situation so Allstate (his parents insurance) is sending a rental today and I will be towed. 

Yesterday was 9 hours of insurance calls and I woke up thinking "I should just end it" and I've never felt this way. People hating me on here because an IOP banned me and shafted me for over $500 / threats - all I listed. My life hurts and Im scared and alone. 

I post on here so much to avoid talking to people or telling them what is going on.  I dont need family or friends being made aware of my son's issues and sexuality as that's HIS life to tell and I can't bad mouth jerkface because what if it works out? I also can't say an iop ripped me off and banned me! 

OH and mysteriously that same card had to be shut down (paypal) because from the 1st of April (day after they reshipped) until the 4th when I said "send a new card" - mysterious 99.95 charges from weird places were appearing and I would go to use my card and it was declined.  It happened after they were alerted to my thread here and I do think it's connected but it's an assumption. So I'm without a lot and without this board and people I talk to - I just sit thinking of all I have had destroyed since Monday and I want to just end it all

can you private msg me - my son is 16 and I knew prozac is the safest med for a teen (zoloft is the worst) but I want to hear what you wish was done differently in your situation and how your parents could have helped.  I want him to feel great - I want my son to feel safe / happy and do right by him

God, that's an awful lot of horrific stuff to deal with. It makes my own recent bad experiences look like a candy shop. 

I hope you can get through this and get as much support as possible.

EN x

 

[SaintAlien]

Thank you EN 

Here's an update: 

My son had a report card pickup yesterday which I must attend and speak to his advisor: He is honor roll / ACT was top in his school / has all A+'s again (this is gold standard with him) but - he won't stop drawing on his homework / essays and whenever he's bored.  This is a distraction and he's in a very private school that I pay a shit ton for him to attend with a huge waiting list.  They don't fuck around in tossing kids out who don't do what they say.  He's also the ONLY person in that ENTIRE SCHOOL who doesn't do any clubs   Hes allowed to apply to create one and they will fund him for it - we urged him to create a club based around the graphic novels and drawings. He's so timid of others that I can't see him doing this.  On the way home I was pretty pissed but I don't yell, I do that "grit the teeth mom thing" when I talk.  He said he can't control it and I notice it at home - he's incredibly talented - but it's like manic.  I think his med is making him obsessive with this, I asked his advisor if he noticed an increase since the meds - and it was yes. He was just upped to 20mg's of Prozac 3 weeks ago. He's had no other side effects other than sweating (he's on a topical med for it). Otherwise - all good

Insurance called yesterday at noon and rental car was hell to get but it appeared at 3:30  policy holders accept all liability (I have so much proof it's insane). I will be covered for lost wages but require a Dr's note stating that I couldn't work. I have had a hard time finding time to take care of me.  I may be on here all day but I do a lot of other shit online as well.  I haven't had the time to sit in the ER for hours to get a note.  The pain has increased so bad though that today I gotta go. The headaches are horrific and I had a head injury with a closed concussion in Oct where I was insane / mean / rude / during that time and I'm afraid maybe it's till a tad fragile there. The head injury was from sex lol.  My partner is 6ft 5 and 250lbs of lean muscle. The headboard dislodged and knocked me out solid. I'm fairly small so his uh push (tmi) was fairly hard and the headboard probably weighs 200lbs too. He actually broke it when it crashed on my head. 

but insurance has me covered and I will sue this jackhole policy owner for everything - I've never sued anyone and the most I've had to do is DMCA's on tabloids so I don't know what or how, but I know to get the lawyer who handles cases he wins and has a rep for being "that lawyer". 

Yesterday had an upswing but I'm hurting, running out of meds and sad. Knowing I have barbs here, 100's of them (I can't take them because of the med I'm on - it will metabolize it super fast causing withdrawal AND kill me from distress) - it's highly easy but I would ruin my child and no man or situation that won't matter in a few years is worth it.  I do know if this board wasn't here, I may not be either.  It's been all I've had to keep me sane and thinking about other shit / worrying about other shit. So I give myself a break when I'm totally alone during the day. I rarely post when the kid and partner are home, as I'm busy.  I've been out of work due to the wreck (although I've had a few gigs but nothing normal and I've rejected auditions), so this is my solace.

I don't want pity at all, I just needed to vent and I felt it was safe in this thread to do so.  Please excuse that as I know you all are talking about meds right now, and this is off topic. Although, concerning my son who is 16 - if anyone was on meds at that age - PLEASE talk to me about it.  I want to encourage healing by understanding what the meds may be doing to him.

 

[SaintAlien]

I ADDED tinder and my guy is ON THERE! I "liked it" aka match - no match back

BUSTED

/ UPDATED

 

[PTFC]

It's all coming out in the wash now.......