I Admit

  • Thread starter Thread starter DaMerlyn
  • Start date Start date
I admit that I like using to get high one occasion. But I also admit I don't wanna go down a bad path I went down over 5 years ago.

 
I have something else to admit.

i am completely powerless over Xanax and I don't know why. I don't remember shit more than half the time I chose to abuse it. It's insane. I don't abuse it too often anymore cause as stated in the post above I went down a bad path but gosh I have absolutely no control over bars what so ever.

i think I'm insane cause like I said when I do choose to abuse them to get a high I rarely remember anything so what's the point my DBG friends? Why am I powerless over a drug that I can't remember what happen????? Please I would appreciate any input!

 
I admit I'm on vacation and am letting myself go nuts on meds ( potentially.. haven't yet but have a stash waiting), bad food (I'm a control freak with diet and exercise normally)....and fun!  It's a short term break... I'll be going home to a brutal detox regimen. But I figure after working 60-70 hours weekly for the past year, I'm going to loosen the reigns and let myself have fun. I'll be  careful to stagger any extra b€nz0 use... but I still feel guilty! I'm such a classic addict! Excuses for using can be positive or negative. I truly hope I'm strong enough to get through this when I get home. I've cut way down on my subs and won't go back up ever... I worked too hard to get this low. I'm getting scared to death of those last 2 mgs.. but so far I've done well. Benzos are harder for me. Anyway! I'm at the ocean...with family and all of my favorite people! I'm going to do my best to let myself enjoy this vacation! 

Just wanted to check in! 

Be well everyone! 

PS- I pretty much steer clear of Xanax other than very occasional use. My last bad relapse was a month log mess I can barely recall...so much Xanax mixed with other Benzos. Klonopin at a pretty low dose takes care of my panic attacks (mixed with healthy living habits: food/exercise/meditation) and  I never go nuts like I did on Xanax. My family forced me to stop and it wasn't fun. It was a hellish rapid taper/detox. Hope you're ok. Have you tried a longer acting Benzo if you need them for anxiety?? 

I can relate @US Army Veteran

 
Jam1976 said:
I admit I'm on vacation and am letting myself go nuts on meds ( potentially.. haven't yet but have a stash waiting), bad food (I'm a control freak with diet and exercise normally)....and fun!  It's a short term break... I'll be going home to a brutal detox regimen. But I figure after working 60-70 hours weekly for the past year, I'm going to loosen the reigns and let myself have fun. I'll be  careful to stagger any extra b€nz0 use... but I still feel guilty! I'm such a classic addict! Excuses for using can be positive or negative. I truly hope I'm strong enough to get through this when I get home. I've cut way down on my subs and won't go back up ever... I worked too hard to get this low. I'm getting scared to death of those last 2 mgs.. but so far I've done well. Benzos are harder for me. Anyway! I'm at the ocean...with family and all of my favorite people! I'm going to do my best to let myself enjoy this vacation! 

Just wanted to check in! 

Be well everyone! 

PS- I pretty much steer clear of Xanax other than very occasional use. My last bad relapse was a month log mess I can barely recall...so much Xanax mixed with other Benzos. Klonopin at a pretty low dose takes care of my panic attacks (mixed with healthy living habits: food/exercise/meditation) and  I never go nuts like I did on Xanax. My family forced me to stop and it wasn't fun. It was a hellish rapid taper/detox. Hope you're ok. Have you tried a longer acting Benzo if you need them for anxiety?? 

I can relate @US Army Veteran
Click to expand...
I can control every benzo but bars. No more for me! At least I pray I refran

 
I admit I'm not as strong as people see me to be. I'm tired of fighting the symptoms of Marfans Syndrome. I'm tired of waking up with pain as my constant companion.

i admit that I no longer want to go without the help of pain meds. 

I admit I'm scared of pain involved with dying.  I admit I don't think our government should dictate what's right for my pain med maintenance. To me that's nothing different than a communist country. 

Most of all I admit I'm scared of not finding some help for ordering in this site. 

 
Welcome @Marfanswonder.  You'll find there's plenty of hep here, from the members and the moderators.  I'd suggest first making a small donation in bitcoin.  You'll find vendors who'll trade your P@yPal $ for BTC if necessary.  That'll open up new sections of the site that might be important.  Mostly, out of necessity, this is a help-yourself place when it comes to info.  But, if you don't mind doing some reading, all the information you need is here.  Be patient and explore.  Request menus from vendors that appear to have what you are seeking.  Then.....ask your informed questions if there are things that don't make sense, or PM (private message) someone.  Good luck!

 
Welcome @Marfanswonder!  I see that Andy has already given you some great advice to get you started.  

I understand that you are frustrated and discouraged, I relate to a lot of what you said in your post and I know a lot of people on here do.   I think that you will find a great deal of help & support here. I love this forum.

Hang in there friend! 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I admit I want to cause bodily harm to my husband right now .

i admit I am selfish when I don't get what I want when I want it . I hate having no control of an outcome or relaying on others .

i admit I was soo fucking mad I didn't get perc tens my eyes crossed and I stomped . But I could have nothing and that would be so worse :)  

and last I admit I have started to take the timest bit of xan in the late eve so I don't kill my husband :)

 
I was wanting to kill my hubby the other day.

Must be the change in seasons!

Lol...two more days until my perks come..cant and don't wanna wait anymore!

 
@Akup7ich @Meowtown we must join a club because I have desires like you. He can be an awesome provider for my son and me, but I feel I'm always second place his weed is more important than I am. Not a good feeling at all!

 
Mine is amazing 9/10 times but his thing is financials. If he sees one charge on his statement he didn't remember making he freaks out

Even over $5

Its really annoying especially since we arent hurting for money 

 
I admit I love my little pills!  Their sheen, colors, pretty patterns they make when I toss them on my bed.  I admit they make me feel good, pain free.  I admit I hate them too.....the control they have over me.

 
mountaincat9 said:
I admit I love my little pills!  Their sheen, colors, pretty patterns they make when I toss them on my bed.  I admit they make me feel good, pain free.  I admit I hate them too.....the control they have over me.
Click to expand...
I can relate to every single word of your post.

I admit my life is once again dictated by prescription meds.... I'm in a much better place than I was 10 years ago but I fear I'll never be able to live a without my drugs,

 
Last edited:
@SleepyMonkey 

Me too. My neighbor has come into my house taken money, medications. Sadly I need my medications. For example I take something called SubUtX. I get it from a place that treats people that are like they are bad people. I had a bunch taken from me yesterday I think while I was at my appointment. Now I am not good. I don't have anything. All of my medications that I had for times when there was a problem so I don't feel like this, all of the pAnEmedS. I am so tired and not good at all...on Christmas morning I am always happy but today I am falling apart unstable. I'm controlled by these things I love that they help but they can't when my neighbor wants to get high.

I am so tired.

 
ClinicalPharmacologistResearc said:
@SleepyMonkey 

Me too. My neighbor has come into my house taken money, medications. Sadly I need my medications. For example I take something called SubUtX. I get it from a place that treats people that are like they are bad people. I had a bunch taken from me yesterday I think while I was at my appointment. Now I am not good. I don't have anything. All of my medications that I had for times when there was a problem so I don't feel like this, all of the pAnEmedS. I am so tired and not good at all...on Christmas morning I am always happy but today I am falling apart unstable. I'm controlled by these things I love that they help but they can't when my neighbor wants to get high.

I am so tired.
Click to expand...
I'm on a taper of the med you speak of. Sorry to hear about your sketchy neighbors. I've got my meds well protected in a wall safe.

 
I admit that since my dad died 2 years ago,I have been using opiates to get by.

I admit I do have back and neck pain,but I take more pain meds if I feel some sad feelings come on.

 
I admit:

that my chronic pain has led to me doing things i feel bad about later, my mood disorder(bi polar) makes it hard sometimes to see if I am acting with a clear head, and I feel terrible about things that have happened while I was manic and under the influence.  I admit that I wish I could ask my sister for forgiveness but there is a part of me that feels like she is overreacting even though I don’t remember the events she is mad at me for.  I admit that I intend to marry my girlfriend and that I love her with all my heart but I wonder at times if she deserves better than I can provide.  I admit that my best is all I can do and that has to be good enough, even if at times I feel like its not.

I admit that I am tired of apologizing for being in pain, and that my fear of doctors is holding me back.  

 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Drugbuyersguide Shoutbox
  1. rasetreydir @ rasetreydir: Stole 'Apocalypse Now' as Capt Kilgore in a 10 minute role. "Ya know, one day this war will be over.😪"
  2. Realbenzeyes @ Realbenzeyes: Fkin legend
  3. Thoth @ Thoth: @Layne_Cobain Crunk Juice!!!
  4. ClintEastwood @ ClintEastwood: Robert Duvall and a handful of others were a younger actors coach and always said no one worked as hard as those guys did. Robert Duvall and rest would read the full script 228 over and over, then after the last read they would go into how to perform their character. The young man had made it to meet Al who are greats and pull them to the side. And explain what his coach said. They all looked back and said out of every role you’ve seen me in. I have read it 228 by myself. 🫡 🫢 🫢 🫢
  5. ClintEastwood @ ClintEastwood: Sorry for comment below, but I couldn’t delete. Know I see the
  6. Realbenzeyes @ Realbenzeyes: Yeah Robert Duvall passing is a hard one. RIP
  7. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: Damn. Just heard Robert Duvall passed away Sunday. That’s a tough one. He’s one of my favorite actors. From Lonesome Dove to the Godfather and many others. We will miss you Mr Duvall. You entertained us for 7 decades. RIP
  8. L @ Layne_Cobain: @ClintEastwood make a post about it homie they’re gonna take down your message here cuz shout box isn’t really for talking shop just random shooting the shit exc but yeh just put your message in a post on the forum in the appropriate place and ppl will get at you! 👊 ✌️
  9. ClintEastwood @ ClintEastwood: Just wondering if anyone well trusted has a supply of research thienos or benz in powders for good average prices? Or could give a shout out from me to him? Or the best lowest per each? I’ve seen some cool and some i just know are worth it. Good price rv presses too but it is much more bang for your buck. I have one good vendor. But am looking for variety’s well. Send me a message or reply if you think any. Thanks - CLINT E. Any Heavy stuff too which all seem about the ssmmmmmm
  10. Realbenzeyes @ Realbenzeyes: I always thought I should’ve been born in a much earlier time but I will say, i do enjoy my Xbox and occasional TV series tho 😂
  11. Realbenzeyes @ Realbenzeyes: I just wish the opioid epidemic never happened. Fk the turn of the century (which would be cool no doubt)! Many of my friends and family would’ve ended up in asylums like so many others. I just wish I could get back all those I’ve lost since the start
  12. L @ Layne_Cobain: 1914 I meant
  13. L @ Layne_Cobain: I often wish I lived during the turn of the century or at least before the Harrison narcotics act or whatever I think it was 1924 the fun ended but anyway yeh being able to get laudanum, ❄️ and amphetamine at the local friendly pharmacy
  14. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: Chew on the leaves with a bit of slaked lime and enjoy the mild boost you get from the raw base.
  15. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: I’m sure you know the folks in the mountainous regions along South Americas pacific side buy cócà leaves at the local farmers market just to help acclimate to the higher elevation when they have to head up into the hills.
  16. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: I would certainly have bought it, swilled it, enjoyed it…. Why not? A little boost in your juice isn’t going to hurt anyone.
  17. R @ Royboy99: Exports were reported to have around 7.2mg per FL OZ, it’s success is what actually led to Coca Cola
  18. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: Having cramps and husband thinks you’re acting hysterical (ie. PMS) the doc would either perform a certain massage to relieve the strains of motherhood and family life of that time or send you down to the local apothecary for a bottle of laudanum… A tincture of alcohol and 10% òpìųm. Fun days huh?
  19. R @ Royboy99: @malestrom: yeah thats it, my bad Mariani, yeah i considered that and also its ROA, which was oral so the bioavailability was lower than insufflation, higher degree of purity tho and longer duration … there was a significant marked increase of patents filed by Edison during the time it was released in the US. Presidents were known to use it as well, and the Queen. The pope awarded the wine the Vatican gold medal award
  20. Maelstrom @ Maelstrom: I think it was called vin Mariani. But yeah, it was all the rave back in the turn to the 20th century. Original formula Coca Cola did it for a while too. I think it was pretty weak though. Something like 200 mg per liter of wine. Enough to maybe give you a little push but unless you could pound some serious alcohol, it’d be hard to really feel the effects before the ethyl knocked you down on the ground. It was an interesting time period. Laudanum was a “hysterical” woman’s best friend.
Back
Top